Overseas = Fun

I actually kind of envy Goat for being able to study overseas. I should have done my NS first and went overseas..... But oh well.

Do you not know that going overseas for long period of time, can let you become someone completely new ? And in the case of Goat, thats a good thing. If you want to bitch, you could have done it in Singapore you know ?

First thing you have to do, is buy a car. Then next you have to use my Cantonese music I gave you. Next, try to dress more like a man, and get a bigger bicep. Then hang that arm outside the(da) car and blast that music. And then, do not be nice to people. Stare people down, and then assert your power over smaller people. Those things can't be done in Singapore, but overseas in Caucasian populated areas, they work better. You can thank me later when you get laid.

Pain on demand, 0 hour to present

220205 - 0400 hrs
Its 0400 am as I write this and all I can think of is that Sydney needs architects with brains at least equaling the common rodent. Or at least, they should stop sub contracting out the cheap contracts to Uzbekistan. My first rad bachelor pad reminds me of the time when my brother sat on me and refused to get up, mostly cause the ventilation is non existent.

As you can see, they even sieved the entry in the effort to further up the mortality rate. The moth, using some form of ancient aboriginal teleportation technique, manages to bypass it and flutters around my room. Due to the extreme heat, stuffiness and wildlife… I christen my room, Ecuador (the Jungle part). They also don’t have water unless you want it straight from the boiler, and by the time it cools down, myriad wildlife had already made their way into it. It would have made a good soup but I am not into Cream of moth.

I also met cousin cow and mousey (and their posse of guy friends… actually, it’s almost a section) from the same University today. No comment. I value my life and rightly so. Apparently, they *do* read our blog. I would also like to retract my statement on UNSW girls in furtherance of my lifespan. You guys are the best. Much love!

In fact, they are such happy campers they positively radiate good cheer and bonhomie. I felt the need to brood silently like my psychopathic brother just to rebalance myself. If it gets any more happy, I think they could take the show on the road and turn it into a sitcom.

230205 - 2200 hrs
Its 23rd of Feb and I lost a day in transition. Mostly cause I did not sleep but still left on the 22nd of Feb at 0700 hrs to canvass the surrounding areas for accommodations. The Jetlag hit me so hard that I have literally forgotten what I did that day. If this continues any longer, I might use up my life’s quota of brain cells before I am through with UNSW.

Today (23rd) has been the best day yet, which is not saying much since I have only been in UNSW for 3 days. ****Warning – Serious stuff, read only if your love for Clarence the Glorious overpowers your better sense of judgment****

Managed to secure accommodations at Warrene College today and am gonna move in tomorrow. Goodbye Ecuador! Ecuador has been cool but seeing how they don’t even bother to make the bed, its starting to look like Ecuador after a bunch of lumberjacks went ballistic through it. Warrene College is almost the dream college of choice, warm expertly cooked food is provided, rooms are cleaned 3 times a week, sheets are provided, internet access through a T1 cable, enough storage room to intimidate U.S. weapons inspectors, computer labs/Libraries/chapel, a gigantic lounge which could probably host the united Pakistani tribes conference, snacks/drinks dispensers and all this at only $250 a week. Now the bad bits, all rooms cannot be locked except from the inside and the disastrous part… no girls living in the dorm.

I try not to imagine too hard, life would be worse staying in Ecuador. There might be females in this monastery but they are probably ninjas trained in the forbidden arts of stealth or posing as fat Chinese nationals.

Got my enrolment and student card done too, it’s almost painful to travel up and down campus and not have females checking you out. My ego is maintained seeing as women in Singapore look at me with all the sexual energy of a rotting log. In fact, my primary friend here in Sydney is a dude called RuWen from Malaysia who introduced me to his horde of Malaysian guy friends. I think I will pretend to be Malaysian… time to start memorizing the names of rural villages with good roti prata. Oh, and RuWen was introduced to me by Mousey who happens also to be Malaysian, the chicken is at the top of the chain as he was the one who started this link. Unfortunately he is Singaporean… Malaysia Bagus!
Oh, and I must say that quite a few native Australians have a beer gut… I wonder if it’s customary like a Henna tattoo or something.


Heres RuWen, he does not do well in the photogenic department and he likes to self hug for some obscure reason. This photo is actually taken on the floor outside the optometry offices. We thought we could score some bitches by doing the African rufugee thingy but no one wanted to feed us much less give us a hug.

RuWen brought me to UTS (another uni, I forgot what the acronym stood for) and frankly, I think I prefer their style of architecture. Basically, the Uni is built to be a self-contained building and has 30 stories. This is a good idea especially since Sydney has certain terrain altitude variations which would make rolling down a decline faster than running down.

Finally moved in to Warrane college today. I have nothing further to say. I think it might take me another 3 years to recover from the shock of another all male building. Heres me room for the next 6 months. Its crap actually.


Im kinda leeching off someones internet Wifi so i will keep this short. Drop me mails K? Im waiting!

Why does NS want me so much ????

Ya, my foreign exchange plans are being hindered by impending NS. Every once in a while, a document demanding I report for medical examination arrives, even though I have defered beforehand. Then I have to do a mad rush of calling up various departments for clarification. So much so, my mother is now my NS liasion. She knows more about NS law than most of the officers at CMPB. All this so that I can go to NS at 22 years old. sigh sigh. Kudos to her.

Chicken ! Do not despair, I have arrived with more information about Illinois. Apparently they harvested, get this, 2.088 BILLION bushels of corn in 2004. report can be found here. HOLY CRAP. 2 BILLION BUSHELS OF CORN ! And besides corn, they harvested 500 million bushels of SOY BEANS ! Thats more than enough to make 20 cups of tao huay ju (soya bean milk) and 3 bottles of tao yu (soy sauce) for every singaporean ! You can become the next tao yu king ! Hail king tao yu !

Aint it a corn in the...

Heres a recent(well, quite recent) report on the current production level of corn in the corny state of Illinois.

Thats a hell'uva lotta corn..
Now, Illinois is also where im going to be studying for the next 4 years(after my National Service, assuming UCLA, Berkeley,Michigan and Texas-Austin decide to forgoe adding another scrawny asian to their student population). It kinda makes me wonder, "Do I want to study in a place thats known for its high corn output?". I mean, some people havnt even heard of this damn state(Yes, thats you Lester. Come out of your shell once in a while will ya?). Is it wise to throw S$200000++ away to eat corn(and its various forms) for the next 4 years?

I donno... I'm praying that at least one of those uni's in California decides to accept me soon(deadline for admission decisions is somewhere around march).. The thought of staying in a place governed by the Terminator himself is somewhat more appealing(yet sad) than playing hide and seek in crop circle filled corn fields.

Eitherway, I'm leaving this boring law-filled country(I'll come to miss it when I do) around August. To my debtors, I'm coming to get you. To my creditors, "NEEAAHHH!!!"...

I am Sad

I just ate a banana for supper... basically my mom buy's bananas, not for me or my dad, but for our pet tortise(its more important than us)... Why is that? Like the tortise, Im growing... I need nutrition... Nevertheless, I just ate the last banana in the house.. No matter how many times he's going to move his head in and out of his shell, snap his jaws and climbs onto my bag to masterbate, nothing is going to change the fact that I ate the last damn banana in the house. Its dried reptile food for him tonight...

Talking about how I bullied a small creature who lost his mate(sex partner) to mindless birds who tried to steal her banana(see? bananas are trouble) while she was eating it, is not the purpose of this post... To tell the truth, I just felt like I havnt written anything here for a long time and I was not about to be outdone by sensible topics like the 660m budget deficit(its so exciting)...

Valentines day just passed...
This was what I ate...

Sad huh?
You know whats sadder?
My mom is peeling a grape for the tortise now cos we're out of bananas...

I apologize for the poor quality of my(use of language) post today..
Unlike the other 3 people who post blogs here frequently,
I'm seldom pumped with coffee and various other things(drugs) that make you happy(and gay)...


To Ms Chuang:
I miss your blog, has the pigeon flown away?
Hot chicks are attracted to me. Its the tissues. It makes me look more sensitive(easy to pick on)

4 days to take off

Its been a rough past 3 days. Mostly cause Star wars: Knights of the old republic 2 came out and I just had to play it. Staring at my little Jedi go around killing gigantic frogs in the hopes of further safeguarding the galaxy, I cant help but wonder... have I packed for sydney? Actually I have not packed, I have gone out several times on the premise of buying things I would need and so far obtained industrial strength gel as a necessity.
BTW, I got flamed by Mr Man again, I think he intends to bbq this blog. Fine Mr Man, Bush is an excellent president, he has not violated any interns and his social and fiscal policies will ensure prosperity and happiness for years to come like in the smurfs.
Back to my life... Recently, my car battery died and my dad got me pushing the car around so he can start and subsequently rev the engine on the pretext of recharging the battery but I believe he wants to poison the neighbours. Its not so much that I need the car but I do refuse to leave the house unless I am in a car. And remember, thou shalt not comment unless thou hath thine own vehicular transportation.
I dont really have much to say except that the cow's 21st birthday party resounds ominously like the rest of my life... filled with guys. How can a hot blooded goat get any action when all he sees are guys? If I dont get any in sydney, I will have to hurt a soft furry animal. I dont know how monks do it but im literally climbing up the walls here... Then again, monks just eat veggies and try to commune with their respective gods. And dont get me started on the horny thai monks who violate anything from the alter boy (wait... is that the stereotypical catholic priest?) to the plentiful whores on the street.
No pics yet but daddy goat said I could annex his old cannon camera for future use so im sure the next entry would have some colourful porn (if im lucky) or scenary (if im not).

Bush Budget Deficit 660 Billion ? Did you pull that number out of your ass ?

Read above.

Now see the pretty picture below.



Assuming goat understands how to read a simple graph, you guys can draw a conclusion.
You know, I hate it most when people talk about American Politics, because what they say is what they see on newsweek, times, Washington Post etc etc. Those people who write those articles are liberal biased. And do you know what actually a budget deficit is ? It is not the same as a trade deficit, which I suspect what Goat is actually saying (even that would be ridiculous, but in a different way from this). A budget deficit refers to when you go overbudget on something. Even a young kid can tell you that. It does not mean that America owes $660 million to "someone". It means America overspent.

Now why did they overspend ? Actually it was made to look that way, because of Bush's tax cuts. What Bush did, was cut taxes on the higher income people. They paid 27 - 38.6 % of their income on taxes, while the lower income paid 10 - 15 %. What Bush did was cut the tax rates by 2 % for that upper bracket of people. That is why there is a deficit, cause the government was letting people keep more of their money, instead of letting liberals spend it on "art work" like shit smeared on mother mary.(That was federally funded) In Singapore terms, it would be the government paying Chicken S$20,000 to take pictures of me vomitting.

Now do you understand ? Stop getting your views on American Politics from www.newgrounds.com and starting making your own opinions, or shut up about the whole thing.

Oh, and Bon Voyage on the UNSW thing, lets keep in touch.

Just a laugh

Check out this URL guys, you will totally never believe it!

http://shop.store.yahoo.com/dorrance/rescuers.html

Burnt out from trying to convince chicken that I should hang out at his pad before da cow's BIG BADASS 21ST BIRTHDAY BASH!!! WooHoo! Its gonna be swell!

BTW guys, I think I will set aside a seperate page for the sydney/UNSW stuff. I think this means im gonna have to get a camera so you can check out the slum I live in and whatnot. Its at sydshow.blogspot.com and I should be more active in it post 21 Feb. I will post here too but I think I need a seperate spot for meself.

My Chinese New Year

This years chinese new year was like any other... Just visit the relatives I see so often(except this time they all give me money, which isnt something that happens everyday), play some Mahjong, Blackjack and take some pictures.. It may be a normal CNY for me, but it may be the last one I would be having here in Singapore, if I go to America to study... My last CNY in Singapore.... my LAST one... and I had #@!!%&***! rations in camp for my reunion Dinner!!!


Tender Grilled Chicken in Peanut Curry Sauce
Steamed Beansprouts in Spicy Sauce
Braised Beancurd with Peaunts
Special Thai Steamed Rice
All in a f**king ration box..

The Bacardi Breezer and can of baked beans was something extra I added, in a hope to lighten my already sad mood... The alcohol helped abit, but the beans just made me fart.

Mr Man is right.

First off, Happy chinese new year to all you unfortunate losers (present company excluded) who found my way to my blog. And yes, the chinese are off by 2 months but we outnumber you non-chinese so one day *you* might be off by 2 months. Currently my number of friendster hits stand at 9, I think they like the picture of Mr Man reclining against my airforce uniform. I believe its a fetish thing.

First things first... Yes Mr Man, Im aware that the majority of the women attending UNSW look like 2 day old train wrecks. The best defense I can cough up is that they are female. But UNSW is a nice place and im sure I will fit in there... as long as I can find the dim sum buffets, Im sure I will survive. The beauty of women is relative to the beholder's threshold for ugliness which is where "Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder" comes from. Chicken has a high threshold, and im sure I can nurture that same tolerance.

Anyway, If I wanted to goto a Uni exclusively for the babes, its gonna be Tokyo U.


Woohoo! Tokyo U rocks!

Realistically speaking, girls like that wont prod me with the sharp end of a stick. Mr Man calls me a cock face and girls I hit on flee to Texas. I expect no miracles to happen, period. I am as ugly as crap but I love it! Unlike my friend who did some catwalking and modeling for several notable agencies like ah Hock's fried economical bee hoon.


He does a good impression when he eats the Bee Hoon. I believe it saved quite a few people from diarrhoea.

Knowing I can never model for 2 dollar Bee Hoon, I adopted my new philosophy:
"When all else fails, lower your standards!" I dont have to start hitting on blind women, just the ones whom god spent little time on their faces like the ones going to UNSW. So actually, what I am doing would be reducing myself to a pragmatist instead of being an idealist. Almost like a man-slut but not quite. Its easy to judge someone when their track record has been so bad, it defies comprehension. But I have faith in people's ability to believe in what they want to believe. Almost like when Bush did the historic 660 billion dollar budget deficit thing. At least he did what no other president could accomplish, which is probably what the americans are reading into instead of "fuck, I owe the rest of the world 660 billion dollars".

However, if all else fails, I dont intend to be alone all my life so Plan B would be www.brides.ru
The truth of the matter is that these girls wont be marrying for love anytime soon and they speak something that sounds like klingon *but* at least they dont look like Klingons (UNSW chicks look almost like klingons... maybe romulans). And to top it off, I will have an ang moh wife who probably has more body hair per square inch than me.


Happy chinese new year everyone. Enjoy it! While the prefix "chinese" is still there...

Chinese New Year should be longer.

I just finished Chinese New Year , and yet I'm still not satisfied. Two days is far too little. I'm far too burnt out from school and work projects to go back to CS4244, Knowledge Based Systems. I did nothing the whole day but gamble and play foosball. And now I have to do tutorials. Youth is far too precious to waste, must hang on to mindlessness and fun.

Happy Chinese New Year !

Man, Chinese New Year is the best. We have family fun, money, gambling, and road trips. Now tell me, which holiday wraps all that in one. If only I could speak teochew, then everything would be the perfect.

Now check out the picture below.

Goats version of bitches below.


Now surf to here. If its still there.

Those are the front page students of UNSW.

This is why people choose to join the army vs going to UNSW. 'Nuff said.

I am wrong, you are right.

Today is the day that 8 people have went into my friendster account and actually viewed it! Its so awesome! It must be Mr Man's Manliness that helped that, I can only tremble in abject fear when all the testosterone flows out of Mr Man's orifices. Its like Noah without an ark facing a flood of Mr Man's Macho Milkshake. But I digress.

Soon, I will be changing my location on that selfsame friendster page to Sydney, Australia. I really have nothing to bitch about as the only setback I can forsee is the lack of accommodations. Maybe I can shack in with a cheap slut? Maybe I can stay at a homeless shelter? Maybe I could do a Terminal and stay at the airport? Mr Man however would probably build a brick house and challenge the big bad wolf to blow his house down... thats how much Mr Man loves being a man.

So... life is just hunky dory eh? I am enroling in a university where just last year, a S'porean student murdered another S'porean student. The juicy bit was that they were both SAF officers (My brother is an officer so I understand they pick the craziest SOBs). I think I would feel safer in East Timor, at least the SAF officers there have to act like they know that swinging a baseball bat at the head *could* be fatal. Military people arent really smart to begin with, at least Bush had the sense to realise that and deserted midway during his service.

I really have nothing against American Univerisites except that I took one look at their application procedure and decided it was easier to do my dad's tax returns. Its almost at direct contrast with the Australian universities. I walk into IDP (the hardest part), show some cash and point to a random spot on the Aussie map. The counselers jump in like beheaded chickens and 15 minutes later, you have applied for a spot. I didnt even pay attention to which spot I pointed to... I could have pointed to the ocean and they would have ordered a Uni to be built on that spot to accommodate me. A few weeks later, I get a confirmation, fork out some dough and tada! Im in. Who cares if it ranks below half the universities in Bangladesh? Im goin somewhere with bitches and beer and the Bangaras are coming to singapore to sweat blood and tears for a pack of Curry flavoured Maggi Mee every night.

Iam right, you are wrong

You fools. Let me now school you on what mistakes y'all fools made.

First, whats up with the names. Goat, chicken, monkey ? Are you trying to form the chinese zodiac ?

Second, University Admission. When you send SAT scores to an university via collegeboard, collegeboard will send your SAT scores, and on the back, the university you want it to be sent to, will be listed. Above is my example. If this confirmation does not arrive, and the university keeps denying receipt, it is your responsibility to resolve the conflict by email, phonecalls, pig heads. Make sure things get rolling or keep pestering them. This will determine whether you study with corn, or with William Hung.

Third, Admission Essays. SAT Qn 1: Analogy: Bullshitting is to Undergraduates
1) wings is to aeroplanes.
2) dick is to man
3) awareness is to car driver
4) all of above.

The answer is 4. Without the essentials, you get a plane that crashes, a eunuch, and Goat behind the wheel of a honda civic. Admission essays are absolutely essential to filtering the hardworking and the "smart"working.

Fourth, American Politics. I take offence to goats view of Bush's stupidity. The man mispronounces a couple of words, and the liberal press condemn him forever. Then they brainwash people like goat into thinking the same. Why don't you see what he has done ? He has conquered Iraq, and secured american energy sources for the next few generations. Singapore does not even have secure water sources, we need to conquer something (Look North). In retaliation to the September 11 attacks, he had the balls to crush a rogue terrorist government and force the mastermind to live in caves and screw camels for pleasure, and forever looking over his shoulder for Navy SEALs hunting his hairy assface. Bush also brought the economy back after Clintons mishandling, and if you even read the newspaper, you can see the jobless rate in America dropping.

And I kinda see I have been schooling all you without even writing about my feelings, so here goes. Im just bluffing, real men dont publish their feelings, they hide it till their death beds.

One roti prata and Dinosaur please. And smile while you serve me, bitch.

US Universities' Theory of Admission

US Universities have their own twisted Theory of admission, designed to randomly and efficiently reduce the number of applicants(International) applying for admission to their institution. Thus easing the Office of Admission's workload. First, every university has their own specific form of instructions on how to go about the task of applying for entry. Like, "Send your transcripts in to this address and your recommendations to that address", or "Use only pink coloured paper made from a rare Japanese red oak tree found in Okinawa to write your essays" and "Failure to write your name and student ID on all 4 corners of every sheet of paper will result in your application being fed to our school mascot, Butchy the Bastard Bulldog".... What gives? These instructions are usually conveniently stated at the bottom page of their websites in size 3 Webdings font.

And then theres their alliance with www.collegeboard.com, who I suspect have agreed(for only US$7 a pop) to "forget" to send a student's official SAT scores to the respective universities. As official scores are required for entry, students without them are thus refused. Apparently sending the scores in more than once does not help either(I've sent then in to University of California 3 times and they still send me mail telling me to submit my scores, as the deadline is drawing near).

And if these defensive measures weren't enough to ward off most applicants, the Universities have their own final measures to take, they call "Admission Essays".(Gasp!) Specifically designed to slowly(and surely) wear down an applicant's stamina and will to live, these Essay questions force you to lie through your teeth about yourself while sounding humble at the same time. Never in my life(except for this blog) have I ever written so much bullshit about myself for others to see... "Describe a potential classmate", "What can you contribute to our college?", "What are your ambitions in the future?", "How much wood could a wood chuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood?"...

Heres an essay I'd love to submit(If I had a death wish)


Tell us why we should admit you into our University? :
My name is Joshua and I'm a straight 20 year old guy,178, 65kg, black hair, seeking entry into your wonderful institution(did I mention wonderful?). I may have lost a handful of brain matter required for rational thought, when serving in the army, but I promise you my vocabulary is not limited to just "Ugah-Ugah"(I add a little "snort snort" here and there). I hope to bring life and happiness to the school campus, as my doctor told my mom once, as long as I don't hold anything more than butter knives and safety scissors, the people around me won't mysteriously disappear for no reason. Lets get straight to the point shall we? We all know that you are making it so darn hard to gain admission to your school just to reduce your workload, while uping your school one notch on the prestige scale. So can we skip the pain of applying and just let me into your school? If not, I'll just take my S$240,000 to Australia. G'day mate...

Here's a model essay for you, www.essayedge.com.....

Life support 101, Caffeine

Today began like any other, friends to meet, errands to run, pacts made with God to deliver me from would-be road accidents involving my car... That poor beast had been through enough abuse that before the paint job, it looked like it barely survived Bosnia. A good prophylaxis for sleeping at the wheel is of course, Caffeine. I term it life support cause sleeping at the wheel does not enhance my lifespan any.

However, I overlooked an important aspect of caffeine in general and coffee in particular, dehydration. Ater 5 cups of coffee and 3 shots of espresso, I still felt like 20g of brain cells away from George Bush. Seeing that I cannot possibly be caught dead deep in Republican thinking, I started eating and drinking hoping that my day would be finished with dinner. Apparently, that 1 L of water kept me going through the night till the next morning till this crappy Blog entry which my friend chicken forced me to write.

He also voted against me and made me watch a show about a mad engineer who pissed in his milk bottles. The show's only redeeming feature was that the lead didnt talk much but spent alot of time acting quiet and mad.

Damn Im Bored

Ok.. I just realized, there are only 2 reasons i would ever write something in my blog...
1)I am bored to death
2)I have something important to do, but it requires significantly more energy than just sitting around on my reclining chair from Ikea and bitching about stuff on the internet

Today, it is reason number duex...

Chinese new year is fast approaching, and my mom came up with this weird reasoning(she claims she read it in a reputable book written by an old dude with long facial hair) that I have to clean up my bedroom(which I have been unable to sleep in for the past few years, due to the insurmountable loads of garbage residing on the floor and bed)

so we will have better fortune in the new year... Apparently the trash in my room collects the "Sha-Qi"(which is a bad thing), bringing Misfortune and Sickness to the household.
So far, its unFortunate that my mom keeps on pestering me to clean up my room... and Im Sick of it.....(Darn, maybe she's right about the "Sha-Qi" thing...)
****Mom, if you're reading this, I actually enjoy packing my room very much... I can finally organize my clothes and find lots of lost treasures... Please dont be angry with me, thank you for bringing me into this world...****

So here I am, writing nonsense on my blog, when im supposed to be packing my room... its 10.16Pm now....its not too late to start packing my room... Oh look... my friend Soe Beng Sheng just logged on to Msn, hes trying to convince me to buy an ishuffle

dont you think it looks so gay?(im just saying it to convince myself, even though it looks so hot)
must....not....buy...it.... the force is Strong within me.... or is it?