Nothing to post

I haven't posted anything for quite some time... And there's a very good reason for that.. Cos there aint much going on in my life... Well actually, lots has happened the past week or so in my life...
But I wouldn't want to bore everyone with the same old story bout how most of the regulars in my camp have a broom(one of those cheap ones you buy from your local MaMa shop) stuck so far up their ass that it protrudes into their brain, prohibiting common brain functions such as "Logical Thought" and "Coherent Speech". Their hands have been permernantly shaped into these cup-like figures, large enought to carry the balls of their immediate superior.

I also don't want to brag about the fact that I am going to leave the Military in less than a month(Somewhere around 20th April). I have learnt much during the past 2 years(eg. Regulars are morons). My journey through the most overrated, money-wasting organization is finally coming to an end. For those who are still halfway through, I shall share something very important with you... Regulars are morons...

I'd also rather not bitch about the fact that MrMan stuffed a peanut pancake(those you buy at the kopitiam, $2 for 3 pieces) into my face, obstructing my view as i was descending on the roundabout at a multi-storey carpark. I was lacking proper vision all around, yet I still managed to avoid colliding with an oncoming 4-tonne Steamroller(Yes, you can sometimes find 4-tonne steamrollers in multi-storey carparks), thus saving the lives of everyone in the car, escaping with only a torn rubber guard thingy at the side of the car.


To Mr Man: The next time I'm sitting in your car, I'll be holding a camera in one hand and a peanut cake in the other.

One day my life will become interesting. One day I'll actually have something to write in my blog.

Sandy Pussy

What is a Sandy Pussy?
A term invented by Mr Man(Hes too manly to describe it, so I'll do the honors)
A Sandy Pussy(Guy of Girl) is someone with Sand in His/Her pussy.
Everytime He/She stands around or walks, the sand grinds against the walls of the pussy, ittitating him/her, thus making him/her very irritatable and very irritating...

Sandy Pussy - n. (s@nn'dee-puu'see')
1. A person who has sand in his/her pussy.
2. A damn irritating person. Doesnt have to try hard to be irritating. It comes naturally.
3. A stick in the mud.

v. Sand.ied Pussy
v. tr.
-One who has suddenly become very irritating

eg. (usage)
-Ken can you just shut up?! You're a Sandy Pussy you know that?

There are many Sandy Pussies in this world... The only cure is to fuck them(give em a piece of your mind), that way all the sand will come out... Unless his/her pussy is so full of sand, that it'll stay sandy forever.... Avoid these Sandy Pussies at all costs...

Eg. of a Sandy Pussy

He works at Sim Lim Square... If you wanna haggle oi! he'll make you such a deal! Just follow the trail of sand...

On a separate incident(within the same day), I went to the NATAS travel fair at Suntec City today... Like a lesson not well learnt, all I encountered was hordes of ugly Singaporeans looking for good deals.. Except there werent any good deals(just like the IT fair last week)... Nothing you cant find in the daily travel section of the Straits Times Classifieds...


A holiday is supposed to be enjoyable, but i cant say the same for the process of getting to go on a holiday... The crowds at the travel fair were enough to cause anyone to give up and just go to johor for a nice massage(none of that naughty stuff) and some pirated DVDs. From the looks of their faces, nobody enjoyed themselves, cept for these aunties, who genuinely looked like they thought that if they filled up enough entry forms, they would have better luck winning something here than from Singapore Pools.


I've learnt my lesson.... never to go back to Suntec Convention centre...ever again.... until the next fair...

Uni life is da bomb

Its another night in my all-guys college and I wonder what they are doing at the co-ed ones. Instead of celebrating free love, Sydney just celebrated non-discriminating love which brings me to my next point... Mardi Gras (The gay one w/o the beads) finished off some time back and here is a picture of me having my genitals caressed by a homosexual advertising for twister. I really didnt find it too funny but all I could do was smile.



I think there might be 3 dead homosexuals if they went near Mr Man under normal circumstances. However, I have a theory that there would be 4 happy homosexuals if Mr Man was drunk.
Here is another one that shows the crowds gathering behind me, mousey, Nate (The ABC who sounds like a Singaporean) and Nate’s Girlfriend (to mask her identity n the fact I forgot her name, we shall call her Natasha).



My expression stems from the bunch of Lesbians gathering to my left. Also, im naturally high on coffee reserves from Sec 4. After looking at hundreds of homos prancing the street in nothing more than feathers/leaves/miniskirts, I came up with a defensive plan of action while holding my digital camera in front of my closet mirror.

I decided to get out my double dragon gear from Topshop out and display it in case I get assaulted by the heavily muscled homos. I could probably bluff my way outta any potential danger by threatening to only hit the face. Anyone who sees the Mr Wong’s shirt would probably think I am one of the 300 Grandmasters of Topshops men’s summer line.

With my defenses secured, I then proceeded to attend the awesome happening tripping rave opposite my college. The party was so wild that an engineering student was doing his homework on the computer, the chicks were browsing through the Ikea furniture catalogue and the main activity was to take pictures with a guy in a pink shirt and a stuffed bunny. We later got high on the sugar from the mountain dew and sang songs about Jesus and his Camper van.

IT Show? why?

Why do I go to IT shows? Every year, few times a year, all the stores in Sim Lim Square will move their stuff to the wastefully big halls of the Suntec City convention centre. They will advertise in the newspapers, the exact same stuff they have been selling at Sim Lim Square all year round. Slap on a few freebies and people flock down to the IT fair by the thousands, hoping to get a good "deal". Not forgetting, navigating through a hall filled with thousands of Singaporean Bargain hunters is no easy feat...


Having survived most previous Great Singapore Sales, I assumed I could easily make my way to the Canon Printer Ink booth(All I wanted was a lousy $10 ink cart for my stupid printer who seemed to enjoy vomiting most of its ink out everytime I try to print something)...

But I was wrong...


This huge stack of Epson Printers(I think they knew I used Canon Printers) decided to help themselves to my face. The rearrangement of my facial features was inevitable. There was no where to run. Everywhere, nothing but people...

Year after year, they hold IT shows....

Year after year, they're always so crowded even cockroaches would have trouble surviving...

Yet, year after year, I find myself mysteriously drawn to these IT shows(Like regulars to beds)...

Could it be the Hard-To-Miss special offers?

Or maybe for a lonely person like me, squeezing myself between crowds of people is the closest form of human companionship I will ever hope to have?

No....

I think its the SHOW GIRLS...






Canon girls, FUCK YEAH!
Sony girls, FUCK YEAH!
Apple girls, FUCK YEAH!
LG girls, FUCK YEAH!
Samsung girls, FUCK YEAH!
Nikon girls, FUCK YEAH!
Casio girls, FUCK YEAH!
Dell girls, (Fuck yeah, Fuck yeah)
Microsoft girls

Singapore - Fuck Yeah

Inspired by the (Future Oscar Winning) Team America - World Police, I have compiled a list of Singapore's Fuck Yeahs ! Feel free to add on.

Singapore , FUCK YEAH !
CPF is the only way now !
National Service call up, you have to answer to,
Singapore , FUCK YEAH !
What you gonna do when NS comes for you now,
it’s the dream that we all share; We all want to become regulars

FUCK YEAH !

Geylang, FUCK YEAH !
Business Faculty, FUCK YEAH !
Chinamen, FUCK YEAH !
Heartland Mall, FUCK YEAH !
Empress, FUCK YEAH !
Sumoya ,FUCK YEAH !
Mr Man, FUCK YEAH !
COE (fuck yeah, fuck yeah)
National Service

Team America, Fuck Yeah!

This post is dedicated to Team America, World Police
The greatest movie on earth made using dolls and language unsuitable for youngsters.





Trey Parker - America, Fuck Yeah

America...
America...
America, FUCK YEAH!
Coming again, to save the mother fucking day yeah,
America, FUCK YEAH!
Freedom is the only way yeah,
Terrorist your game is through cause now you have to answer too,
America, FUCK YEAH!
So lick my butt, and suck on my balls,
America, FUCK YEAH!
What you going to do when we come for you now,
it’s the dream that we all share; it’s the hope for tomorrow

FUCK YEAH!

McDonalds, FUCK YEAH!
Wal-Mart, FUCK YEAH!
The Gap, FUCK YEAH!
Baseball, FUCK YEAH!
NFL, FUCK, YEAH!
Rock and roll, FUCK YEAH!
The Internet, FUCK YEAH!
Slavery, FUCK YEAH!

FUCK YEAH!

Starbucks, FUCK YEAH!
Disney world, FUCK YEAH!
Porno, FUCK YEAH!
Valium, FUCK YEAH!
Reeboks, FUCK YEAH!
Fake Tits, FUCK YEAH!
Sushi, FUCK YEAH!
Taco Bell, FUCK YEAH!
Rodeos, FUCK YEAH!
Bed bath and beyond (Fuck yeah, Fuck yeah)

Liberty, FUCK YEAH!
White Slips, FUCK YEAH!
The Alamo, FUCK YEAH!
Band-aids, FUCK YEAH!
Las Vegas, FUCK YEAH!
Christmas, FUCK YEAH!
Immigrants, FUCK YEAH!
Popeye, FUCK YEAH!
Democrats, FUCK YEAH!
Republicans (republicans)
(fuck yeah, fuck yeah)
Sportsmanship
Books

Should I be a porn maker ?

Check this out. I received an email like below. I listed the IP, but blanked out the email and name.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Autogenerated Request for Contact from ***********\nVisitor IP:165.21.154.17
Job: Web Design Package
Name: *****
Company:
Email: *****@hotmail.com
Contact Number:
Country: singapore
Description:
pls provide estimate of designing a site similar to adulfriendfinder.com
---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Holy Crap ! Did this guy just ask me to make a porno site ? I mean i surfed to adultfriendfinder.com and it was basically a friendster for people to meet and have sex. With pictures and all. Should I take up this project ???? Tempting.

Physics is useless

God, I hate physics. Thats what my module I'm taking now has thought me. I fucking hate it. Because it exposes my inadequacy. My sec 3 physics knowledge from Mr Lye is not relevant at all. I know jack shit, compared to assholes from vietnam, I even saw a bloody physics textbook written in vietnamese. This is my third year already, can't I even just be left alone in my comfort zone ? Why make me take physics... Science majors don't have to prove the correctness of Lamport's baking algorithm, so I should be exempt from physics. I need to graduate soon.

But wait a fucking second ... I only have NS to look foward to. And I'm going to be a odd ass out in NS, while my graduate friends will be working on their careers. In 3 years time, when we have a reunion, the only thing going on in my career would be, I just made corporal or some shit like that.

I need to go on some sort of longterm overseas trip soon. Or else I will go crazy. Everyday I go to the same goddamned lecture theatres, see the same lecturers, hang out at the same places, even getting bored checking out the same girls recently. Thats when you know you have stayed too long in a place. I'm not a routine person. I need to get the fuck out of here soon.

My Sargent is an ASS

Ok, I'm going to write something, Im not sure if it will mean anything...but I dont care...
It just came into my mind today, as I was clearing leaves out of the drain in the rain..

My Sargent is an ASS, he knows not what he speaks.
My Sargent is an ASS, he's turning us into freaks.
My Sargent is an ASS, he sleeps from dusk till dawn.
My Sargent is an ASS, he wakes up to surf porn.
My Sargent is an ASS, he's fatter than a cow.
My Sargent is an ASS, he eats up all our chow.
My Sargent is an ASS, he likes to act real big.
My Sargent is an ASS, he sleeps just like a pig.
My Sargent is an ASS, he made us clear the drain.
My Sargent is an ASS, he can't see the rain?
My Sargent is an ASS, so I left when he wasn't around.
My Sargent has MY ass, he fucked me upside down.

The SAF, the only place where incompetency is rewarded with money...

On a separate note, Clarence, im sorry we didnt go to Queensway to buy your shoes the other day... But here's what you missed...


Sexy T Mac 4's - S$175

right....moving along,
I learnt a valuable lesson today.. NEVER EAT CANNED ALMOND JELLY... well, I didnt know they actually made this stuff and put it in a can(until a few days ago, when I bought a can from the friendly local supermarket).. When I first opened the can, i thought it looked kinda funny(like the white stuff that oozed out of "Bishop" the android in Aliens2, after the mother Alien ventilated him with her sexy tail).. But as my mom always drilled into me when I was young, "Once you open a can of food, you had better not waste it!"..... soooo....


If hell had a cafeteria, I bet they'd serve Canned Almond Jelly, prepared and served in its various glorious forms(straight out of the can)... Served warm on a plate of course...

I have to go to the toilet again now...

Whats happening you lazy Muthers?

Its been about 2 weeks to Sydney and frankly its like the only noticeable post would be Mr Man's admonishment to me to hang my arm out of a car. Anyway, another rare update which seems more frequent than what you guys can do. I have started term and the educators have decided to throw material I have never even heard of at me in the vain hope I will absorb the words through the power of the magic Australian air. Hello! I am Singaporean, just gimme the 10 year series and all will be good in the hood. Of course they dont have ten year series here... heck, they dont even have McSpicy double. They will pay for their sins of course... They always do.

Im not feeling very funny so if its not funny, go hang your arm outta the car and drive to Malaysia. Dont worry, it will turn up again in one of the local joints under a chicken curry of some sort. The girls here are seriously more docile than the ones in Singapore. Either that or im uglier than I ever thought possible. Then again, I dont have a pimped out ride and a gigantic right bicep.

Mr Man, I think its really sad you do not understand the point of this Blog. The point of this Blog is to bitch about everything under the freaking sun. Everyone bitches here... heck, even you bitch but not overtly. Life is like a car. If it breaks down, you bitch. If you run it into something, you bitch. If you get a bitch on your snazzy pimped out ride, you generally do not post it on the blog.

Back to my life in sydney, I watched constantine again for 11 bucks. Multiply that by 1.3 and you know how desperate I am for social interaction. The black bra in the wet white T-shirt doesnt really cut it on a second screening. If anything, you wonder why they couldnt get an actress who looks better... must have paid everything to Mr Reeves. Oh... and they have like *only* salty popcorn. I question the powers that be (Are you listening Mr Howard???) on this oversight and wonder if perhaps they are trying to balance the Diabetics with enough Hypertensives so the Cardiologists can get some Moolah.

I love Sydney. Its not clean, the trees are droopy and look like toilet brushes, the women drivers here are spastic (I almost got run over... dont they know not to turn in the face of a pedestrian?), the chicks are unreactive, the locals speak like canadian farmers (now where did I get that from?) and its as dead after 7pm as a decomposing sloth. But at least its not Singapore. Its a refreshingly different perspective and I swear never to make this mistake again.