Roti Prata Kosong Satu

Taiwan

2007-06-24T11:00:00.000-07:00

Woah.. i havnt posted for ages.. im bored.. so here is random photos from Taiwan.. I would post photos of Russia, but all the pics are in another camera which I have no idea where it is...

Taiwan is a magical place, where there are lots of Chinese people everywhere. And they all speak chinese too. Their staple diet is Smelly Tou-Fu and their rulers are Selena, Hebe and Ella. Here is a pictorial walkthrough of the land of computer motherboards.

This is smelly Tou-Fu.. You cant see it cos its in a bag and you cant smell it cos its just a picture. But you have to trust me anyways... It gets most of its smell from some sort of fish paste, which was most probably grinded down from the little fishes that swim in the drains nearby. Its a good thing my AIA travel insurance covers hospitalization charges due to food poisoning from roadside vendors that used drain fishes. The vendor that sold us the tou-fu was illegal, so the fact that there is a police car in the background means that the Vendor is hiding somewhere.

Most probably in some shop behind a pilar

Taiwan is famous for its overly-sweet desserts. This mango and condensed milk with ice would send any diabetic to the emergency room (not covered by AIA travel insurance)

Of course, no holiday is complete without trying the local McDonalds. This one is a Mc La-1 Ji-1 meal. Consists of a thin grilled chicken patty drowned in teriyaki sauce, topped with more green vegetables than my turtle can handle and some of that purple-ish vegetable too. Void of taste and nutrition, most locals opt for the more sensible choice of Smelly Tou-Fu, even though it sends them to the hospital.

This is the Sun Yat Sen memorial. Apparently Sun Yat Sen did lots of cool things for Taiwan, so they built an awesome building for him, not forgetting to add a tourist shop to it too. When our Dictator Lee passes on, us singaporeans will build a monument for him too. Most probably it will be shaped like a durian too.

This is the Taipei 101 shopping centre. Made out of old Asus motherboards, it was build to resemble a shoot of bamboo, with weird thingys coming down all over. They sell big expensive designer goods inside that make boyfriends want to cry.

This is random Taiwan Night Market. The people here are rude like russians. Night markets sell basically almost everything Bangkok's markets sell. ok im bored.. im going to play games...

Bangkok secrets

2007-05-30T18:16:00.000-07:00

My flight has been delayed 70 minutes, so here I am. Theres a pay to surf wireless net in the airport, but then I tried the infallible lazy programmer username/password = test/test, and I can surf. Haha

Nothing to do in Bangcock airport

2007-05-30T17:19:00.000-07:00

Hi everybody,
I haven't posted for ages but mostly because I can't be bothered to. Thus an unique situation must appear to resort to this. After surfing all the websites I know, not the naughty ones though, I have the final option to blog.....

What has happened in the last 6 months.....
I have finished my Honours Year Project and Presentation..... I would post the final copy, but I can summarize it in a few words. Oooga Booga Wiggly Woo, thats right.

I also went to Sweden to visit Linnea for a month , stop calling her Mrs Man. We also went to Italy for one and a half weeks. I realize my photos aren't nearly as funny as the Goats or the Chickens or the Monkeys, but I'll post it up anyways. I also realize I have signed up for virtually any free service there is, google, hotmail, photobucket, flickr...... So now I just try my default username/password, and I'm in. Sometimes I'm surprised it works myself.

So first, I saw the coliseum, its ok. No gladiators and hippos though

Same girlfriend.

Leaning tower of pisa, its really leaning

Wineyard in Chianti, wine cheaper than water

Spaghetti Bolognese in Bologna

Also went to vatican city + Florence, but no cool pics yet cos my plane is like late or something, i gotta go check it out.

Ill end it with a cool italian car pic

Can ur fortuner beat this suckah !!!!!

Spare time

2007-05-29T01:50:00.000-07:00

Im bored. Skool is getting me down so I decided to have fun with leftover pictures from our common DAFANSU photo repository. The next few pictures are actually joshuas' so I will primarily focus on him

"I am JOSHUA! I am a friendly SNAG from a tiny island in Singapore. These are my friends. One of which is a wild animal (can anyone say Eric?) and the other has huge sunglasses cause she is afraid of cataracts."

This is my passion. My passion are tyres. Tyres remind me of the days of old where our forefathers had to work in rubber plantations to scrape together enough money to buy a pimped out bicycle.

I am Joshua. I love my tyres. Can u see its nice black threads? Its shiney rims? ooooh

Did i mention I love tyres?

This is the love of my life. A simple farmyard animal disguised as a man. He and I have been together since we were in primary school. This is him as the King of the cows blowing out a blazing fire to save the cake from a sure and utter end at the inferno of DOOM!

I am Joshua! I love electronics. The more parts there are... the better! If I dont get electrocuted at least once a day by my handphone (and its misc. parts), I will run into random cars on the road with my progressively larger cars...

With my new dad's fortuner (2.5L TURBO!)... I will crush even...

Singapore's crappy new battle tank which only has a 3L diesal engine. If only they didnt pay the ministers so much, they can probably afford better hardware!!! I mean seriously... Humvees are like 6.2 L... if a Jeep has 6.2L, a tank with 3L sure die one.

Sydney!!!!

2007-04-16T02:46:00.000-07:00

Sydney is starting to feel like home, not quite the home you go home to. But rather it feels more like the bunk you had back in BMT. It does not quite feel right in all the proper places and you share it with 11 other guys but at least you feel a tinge of familiarity and belonging as you step back into the room.

The room being a lousy 2 by 4 (approx) with a painted ceiling and unpainted walls (why? forces of darkness? why?)

Anyway, the recent optometry faculty harbour cruise was on full swing with the usual supressed asian nerds going ga-ga trying to drink, chat up girls, devour as much free pizza as humanely possible and just act out... Sometimes all at once (which does make for quite a scene).
This being my 3rd (and hopefully final) year, me and some ol' chums decided to go all out to win the prize for best dressed to the theme "Freaks, Geeks and goddesses". Being Singaporean and genetically kiasu, I pushed for obviously the most unreachable target... goddess. I reasoned that either we succeed in our overly diabolical plan to win a dubious award (and an equally dubious bottle of wine) with our "dress as a goddess" plot or we would fail and fall into the freak zone. Either way, we had both bases covered.

Our pre-party operations included taking a photo of Vincent in his debut appearance as a goddess.

Then we all became goddesses. I think we overdid it a little with the pre-easter sales on bunny ears (2 bucks a pop).

I must say we felt a little intimidated at the Man 'O' War steps when security was bolstered at the entrance of the Opera House as we switched to Goddess Gear. Furthermore, everyone kinda dressed normally while we looked like a homosexual parade. But then again, that means we stood a better chance to win. After about 6 million embarassing photos, we finally got on the boat where we proceeded to get drunk enough not to feel socially out of place. That meant 4 beers at my current liver tolerance level.

Once we were less sober, we became what I like to call the frickin tourist photo spot when everyone and anyone came up to have their photos taken.

There is more... but my beer goggles were up and I dont remember them.

People dance till they sweat here... its practically insane. I remember flailing around alot in wild abandon trying to work off the alcohol. I think I took out an eye.

This Blog never changes

2006-12-12T06:22:00.000-08:00

This is the current standard formula

1)I post
2)I post
3)I post
4)I bitch to everyone that no one is posting
5)I post
6)Ryan puts up a link to nowhere
7)Joshua posts something after 3 weeks
8)Mr Man posts more PR material for his money making scam... err I mean company

Sigh... this Blog did not quite work out the way I thought. The problem is that we are not having any real adventures. So I put to you that nothing is too trivial to be an adventure. ANYTHING... no matter how crap... I have thus put forward as an example what constitutes material which is unfit for anyone except for Americans... Americans watch anything... So long the colours arnt too dull...

Title: My photographically incomplete story of how I swindled a Malaysian boy to carry my Dad's RX-8 Bumper to the Airport

I didnt really think I would be blogging this... I only took these pictures to bitch to my parents about the size of boxes they want me to carry on top of my luggage...

Anyway...

The bleeding box was about my height... shy 5 cm perhaps.

I took this dramatic shot partially to compare the height of the tower of pisa with my luggage and also to elicit sympathy from dad.

He replied," Only lidat ah? In 1945 I carry about 100 boxes bloody bloody big whenever your mother go shopping ah"

I pointed out he didnt have to board a plane.

"Plane? Plane? Plane damn big ah... you and your mommy have to fit in my car ah... that time ah my car is about the size of your baby sister ah and only got 3 tires to save money"

I decided my dad could never pass physics 101 and bitched about the RX-8 Rims instead...

Anyway, I had with me my handy peon at the time because my El Cheapo streak blossomed up in me and I recruited a random Malaysian dude from my college. His only request? To watch a cantonese drama serial on my Laptop... At first I thought he was mildly retarded but I soon realised he had hours of that cantonese crap to run through and also the day before my flight as well.

Anyway... I finally managed to chase him off with vague promises of food and drink. If you ever have an asian in your room, just wave food in his face and he will bend over backwards. I would.

And he left.

You can pretty much guess what happened. He lugged that box all the way to the airport with me paying about 8 Aussie for the bus fare there and back and through some freakish luck, I got a foodcourt voucher for 15 bucks which I used to feed him.

Look guys!!! Blog entry!!! not difficult right? El Romeo will teacha ya da mysteries of randomness... It does not even have to be good... just something for us to read

Starhub is evil

2006-12-04T11:42:00.000-08:00

Evil is a very loose word. I think deceptive pile of lying turd is probably closer. I dont know whats been happening to Starhub since I have been away for so long but apparantly they cut their own cables. Im unsure but it smells like conspiracy to me. So anyway, if you surf all the forums, apparantly they have been throttling bittorrent downloads for all their users. Even utorrent mentioned Singapore as an active participant in download throttling. I dont think anyone outside of Malaysia has heard of Singapore and this tiny upstart of a developer probably got slammed by the collective bitching of bittorrent users in Singapore.

I took all that crap with a huge hunk of salt and started playing World of Warcraft. Woot i thought, all i need is world of warcraft... WRONG!!! I needed cable as well... and Starhub took down my World of Warcraft as collateral damage. I can hardly play 20 minutes without a disconnect from my server leaving my Dwarf warrior to sprout dasies up his ass in the face of constantly respawning boars while I frantically try to re-log on. This is of course in comparison to the connection in Australia, Sydney where the disconnect is about 4 hours at a time. And this is comparing purpotedly 6 megabit cable connection to a 256 kb/s ADSL connection.

Anyway I ran some speed tests and everything seemed fine... Which made me suspicious... I am downloading OpenOffice at 30kb/s and you tell me I have 6 megabits available? You think I was only educated in Singapore??? Which basically means all the broadband companies offering speed evaluations were lying their ass off... I went to someplace called SAP in Singapore, stopped my downloads and I found my bandwidth was about 698.07 kbps. For everyone out there, thats like 9x less than the advertised rate. From a server in Singapore no less. This all smacks of false advertising and misleading and deceptive conduct (thank you Law Gen Ed class).

This is not meant to be funny... If you wanna fuck up Bittorrent users... Fuck them up. I could care less. But im a World of Warcraft user and my packets are worth more than your packets.

So anyway, in summery.

Starhub is

1) Shortchanging its customers (i.e. fucking them over)
2) Covering up their shit by saying they cut their own cable (or whatever)
3) Is misleading and deceptive (to me and thats all that matters)
4) Hates World of Warcraft users
5) Hates Bittorrent users
6) Is an all-powerful entity capable of doing all this crap and no one has dared go against it's green ass... almost like Bush and that Irag thing. Not that a bunch of sandy Arabs had a chance against 10 billion in explosives and enough lives to start summoning an Arch-Daemon.
7) Making me study for my GAMSAT because I have nothing better to do

poopie.

2006-11-29T22:52:00.000-08:00

I've got an exam in 2 hrs time.
And i'm bored.

On a kinda-unrelated side note, here's an audio clip of one of my lecturers demonstrating his love for teaching and his strong desire to nuture young minds.

End of an Era(Era of Optometry Exams)

2006-11-26T18:13:00.000-08:00

Hooray!!! End of year 3! No more exams! In yo face stupid ministry "you cant speak chinese so you cant goto JC" of education!!! Educate my chinese ass ya punk ass unclefuckers!!! I will speak whatever the fuck I wanna speak!!! I will be earning A$120K while you pay a kidney and your first fucking born for a teeny tiny 2 by 4 in Jurong where Kong Guan Biscuit Employees will skullfuck your daughter till she fucking speaks chinese like "wo lai le"!!! You betta recognise ya blind shits.

Ok, rant over. I had to get it out of my system. I love the PAP and I will always be Lee Kwan Yew's Bitch. Vote PAP or Anwar will get jiggy with yo ass.

Whats been down in da hood yo? Nothing. The hood(U-nee-ver-city) is a collective mash of students who poison themselves collectively with increasing amounts of coffee and beer until either their brains or their livers start to dissolve as they keep their wastes in to cram in another paragraph of diatribe.

I went to Melbourne roughly 6 weeks ago, it was an experience. I did that self-journey to find your inner goat thing. This is what I found.

Anyway, after an uneventful flight, I finally reached Melbourne and spent time with Grandma with heart condition. In between I entertained myself.

Yes, I am not doing as well as I thought, yes the Singaporean Government was right to push me out of their Education system into vocational training. However, I am a bitter little man with a Blog on my hands and I am not afriad to use it to punish Joshua, Ryan and any poor soul who decides to read this shit.

Haha I ate all the Nissan Cup Noodles!!! God I miss that hydrogenated, fried, MSGed, Preservative-full shit which basically runs straight through your intestines unaltered as your body rejects the lump of fried salty plastic shit you choked down cause it tasted just a little bit like home.

And next, I decided to desecrate the room which the newly-engaged would be sleeping in. YES!!! My brother is engaged!!! That little twit is engaged!!! Congratulations! I slept on your bed and drooled on it!

Melbourne was boring, I left after 2 days cause term started. Went back to Warrane to steal games/anime/movies.

My physics Sifu decided to take a picture of me usurping his desk. I must admit I not only was not afriad, I didnt even notice.

And now the greatest invention of all time that an overworked overstressed university student could think of!!! What do you do when one day you want half-boiled eggs like the sort you find in Killiney Kopitiam and you would trade all your used cans of tuna for it but no one is a Karang Guni man???

Tada!!! Your coffee maker is now the perfect halfboiledeggamatic!!! It cooks evenly and your eggs come out pretty damned perfect, all you do is crack the top with your handy spoon and suck the delicious goodness out of there until you finish a dozen eggs and call your med student friend to check if doing that might in any way cause sterility.

Another 21st!!!! Everyone is turning 21 but me!!! Im turning 150... fuck this crap, I wanna be 12 again and stabbing my chinese testbook with the kitchen chopper.

Bunch of drunk guys. Whats a 21st without drunk people? Thats like a LAN party without computers.

And for the LAN party you need the software.

You can never have too much software.

The birthday boy, he was the drunkest but tried his best not to show it.

The birthday boy's Ex-girlfriend. Just because I can.

Anyway, be back in Singapore on the 3rd Dec. Be with family and car until the 6th so gimme a holler then ya? You know you wanna holler!!! I have a 2 day window for downloads so U better holler soon before I start Need for Speed Carbon and Neverwinter Nights 2...

Big Pimpin,

2006-11-15T03:37:00.000-08:00

Big Pimpin, spending cheese

Business Times Article on Monkey and me

HELP I NEED FEEDBA CK

2006-11-12T06:20:00.000-08:00

Anyway, just a quick update. Its the exams. I hate exams.

On the original note, my dad went off on a shopping spree and he went to get some rims for the RX-8.

Is it just me... or was there some mysterious time warp back to the 60s. I felt an Afro coming on as well as echos of saturday night fever. But I really want some feedback before I decide to change tires everytime I leave the house. Errrm... do those tires look wonky? Or are they the next best thing to get some street cred? And by street cred I mean the mahta will stop u every 100m on the PIE to bust some ah beng ass.

Sigh. Please gimme some feedback. I dont care who u r... so long you arnt some blog spammer selling viagra which you made from plasticine.

More interviews

2006-11-04T02:08:00.000-08:00

Another interview stuff

party party

2006-10-31T19:12:00.000-08:00

DJ setting up

Still sober

Cue the chicks

Start the dancing

High

The Chicken keeps his end of the bargain (3 weeks late)

2006-10-17T01:17:00.000-07:00

Ok, so i got off my lazy ass and updated the blog.. So readership has dropped to an all time low of 1.5 hits per day (Masturbating Monkey visits back everyday as he gets his freak on reading HTML source code).. So Singapore is hazy due to rich indon-chinese burning moneys because they just have too much of it.. So i shouldnt spend moneys on a Turbo-Charger... oh so many issues to deal with...

The Heavenly Drain Water Chicken didnt update much the past few months due to work overload, laziness and a combination of both. More so because of work these few weeks.. Isnt it amazing how a few accountering quizes a week can drive you to the brink of exhaustion? coupled with finance and B.Admin tests, these are the number two causes of college student deaths on campus. Number one is still the campus busses.

My Accountering professor is renowned for his questionable enguish and fetish for sadisticly hard tests. A fresh graduate from the Shanghai School of Sub-Standard Pronunciation, he enjoys setting CPA-level standard questions in tests, as he believes throwing babies to the sharks is the only way for them to learn how to swim, or so he was taught in the Shanghai School of Sub-Standard Pronunciation.

His antics have earned him a place on my "501 Wall of fame". Some people prefer to call it the dartboard.

OK, lets start from the top... many months ago... pictures!

Australia!

Various random cakes! Sugary fatty cakes are an aussie delicacy, ensuring their reign as the 4th fattest nation in the world. Although sinful as they may seem, consumption of these cakes does actually provide some form of short term enjoyment before it heads straight for your arteries. It can be compared to delaying an accountering project till the very last minute before starting on it.

Of course, if sugary cakes arent enough, you could always drive down to the Bega Cheese Factory to eat cheap(and probably expired) Bega cheese.

Few people actually make it this far, as the Bega cheese factory is located deep in the desert(along the coast), far beyond where any obese australian can ever hope to reach.

Dolphins!

As Australia's fun stuff mostly lies along the costal areas, there are bound to be dolphins swimming around wherever you go. Feeding sessions can be arranged for unsuspecting people to spend moneys to buy dolphin park food to feed dolphin park dolphins. Of course, a strict diet of Fatty cakes and Bega Cheese is enforced 24-7. What's good enough for the people is good enough for the dolphins...

Olympic Park!

Its a magical place which Australia built in order to host the olympics sometime back. But now, its reduced to a tourist attraction for asians to go measure their height. Featured in the photo is Mrs Chicken.(Height measurement pole not made to scale). She makes the best darn homemade japanese curry this side of the world.

Art Exhibit!

Of course, 3 weeks in australia is never enough, but during our packed schedule, we still managed a visit to some art gallery. As seen in the picture, virtually anything can be made into an art exhibit. This one's called "I've created a piece of art and it's been infected by SARS carrying asians!".

Move House!

Back in Singapore, we moved house for renovations, as our previous contractor made our house out of sand from West Coast Park, claiming sand is the "in" thing for all homeowners who spent a bundle on home insurance. But after the pastor in church told us about the story of the foolish man who build his house upon the sand, we were beginning to have second thoughts about our house.

Artistic Singapore!

I recently saw a piece of artwork drawn on the back of a bus seat while on the way to Johor. It shows one of our top officials talking into a mic, held by another of our top officials.. I cant really read the chinese words on the top, but im taking it to mean "Long live the king"... Heyy.. wait a minuteeee...

Apartment Housewarming!

I recently moved into a new apartment, and had a housewarming.. This is the non-drinkers section, where everybody gathers to talk about grades, books and buying books.

Drinkers

Unfortunately, pasing out and being totally defenseless around hordes of drunk people might leave one with embarrassing stuff all over. Andrew learnt the next day that waking up and going to church without washing up or looking at the mirror can be detrimental to his reputation

Me

Being the guy with the camera, this is probably the only picture I have with me in it. Well at least a small part of me. It is also the most artistic shot of the night.
See how everyone is standing at angles? My art sec school art teacher would be proud of me. Give me 46/100 for my art final exam will she.... pffftzzz... It wasnt my fault I didnt read the instructions properly...

Paintball!

What better way to relieve stress, than to hurt your friends in a friendly game of paintball. Camo uniforms work for about 10 minutes before you are given a fresh coat of fluorescent yellow, green and red. When a paintball hits you, you feel a slight sting on your skin, much like when a Korean guy uses all his strength to punch you after you mistake his Von Dutch cap for OshKosh B'Gosh's latest summer collection.

40 Asians in a White Castle store! Bet U've never seen that before!

Note to self: write shorter, but more frequent blog updates. Its easier on you.

UPDATE!!! (+Pics) JOSHUA... remember our deal!!!

2006-09-28T22:55:00.000-07:00

BTW joshua, I am using the handy religious calender which states that the week begins on sunday just cause god created Ben and Jerries or some Evo VIII. So no more of your capitalist pig monday is the beginning of the week bullshit. Remember our credo, we are the capitalist pigs but the babes are in the churches.

Just a side note, for some reason, Mr Man is not manly anymore. There seems to be a whole influx of issues for us to deal with when we get back. Can you bring enough pineapple rum to re-constitute the Russian Vodka League? We have our work cut out for us...

Anyway... (I actually wrote the below yesterday but couldnt upload anything because some Uni server admin is blocking most of my upload and download bandwidth just cause I D/L 40G of games last week) So without further ado...

I have been well! I have been awesome!! Good cheer and fluff and foamy beer foam to us (excluding you miserable blog lurkers and Joshua's one million and one friends who tend to be all guys or lesbians).

Sydney has been well... mediocre, but thats because I dont have Joshua's army to entertain him with stories of more guys in hidden places which he should explore to amass enough guy friends so girls would have no choice but to go to him or turn lesbian... which goes into another interesting story about Joshua and his ex-girlfriend which I will leave to my next post.

I have been busy but now I shall upload my life (wif pics!) so my captive audience can tell me what a great person I am.

This was my room during last session's exam period. I think we can all agree it...

looks like my room after an insane drinking party but without the guys...

I have perfected the art of pear photography, the blur you see is just your eyes giving up at the magnificence of the view. In my professional opinion, you need glasses, come to me, I will fix you.

The amount of coffee left (in a 0.5 Kg tin) after 4 months of UNSW. They fired all the security on campus (this is true)!!! Of course I need that extra kick to go Bruce Lee (or Lao Fu Zhi) on whatever stupid white trash decides to try to take my precious Environmental Optometry notes away. (N.B. I am not saying that if you are white you are trash or you will rob me, Its just that Joshua is whiter than an angel on fire and he lied to me thus hurting my manly pride)

Next up...

Aileen Lim's 21st Birthday party... yes I am old. Yes you are old too... unless you are a girlfriend of monkey or chicken of course. But yes I am so old I listen to Frank Sinatra and Weird Al Yankovic.

This is the pre-party prep complete with overhanging chinese lucky red book which brings luck and head injuries to all within the apartment. Its a pirate thing! Thats why we all have drawn on facial hair and pirate patches.

Anyway, us guys as usual took ridiculous photos of our favourite pirate pose.

Thomas "I am laughing at the sky" Chan

Yao "I need to repaint the walls" Yao

Clarence "I will ride your ass" Yeong

And for the guys, here are some chicks that came with us. We were the plunder and rape pirates and they were the "which flower is biggest" girls. But they cool.

We had to travel through town with the traditional gifts being large assed flowers the size of a small European car.

Anyway at the party, the gang got together and we had fun etc etc etc... You know the stuff we do at clubs. Namely

1) Want to pick up girls
2) Too afriad to pick up girls due to mom's wise saying - do not speak to strangers
3) Hang out with hordes of guy friends
4) Get drunk to get up courage to talk to girls

5) Rinse and repeat

As usual, everyone got drunk as shit and started hallucinating about whores or man-whores or whatever animal turned them on.

And then everyone got sleepy or horny. I just got seedy. I do not apologise for that, I am seedy by nature. I just get seedier with alcohol.

Gargh, as per my above strategy, I did not get close to anyone but other guys or girls who were attached and whose boyfriends were my friends.

Anyway, this is a pic of Yao with the birthday girl (the one closest to him who isnt lisa). Mission accomplished, I got drunk and I vomitted and then I spent a week walking into walls. Moral of the story? Pay money for sex, going clubbing only poisons your liver (unless you are Mr Cow with his indomitable liver).

Next...

FIELD TRIP!!!

WOOT!

Anyway, I dont have many photos cause I hate taking photos.

Here is my lecturer. She believes fiercely in her belief. Ok fine, I dont know anything about her but I thought it was a hilarious pic.

A dude from Israel who took us to the place. He is Persian though. I get confused and sometimes utter Jihad around him and he ducks to the floor and start rummaging in his briefcase.

This is Vincent. Vincent is boring. I know perverted, SMU girl molesters more interesting than him.

Haha just kidding..

Its sad but true, I think I need more variety... I think I need Singapore. Sigh, homesickness never felt soooooo good.

Picture of the gang. As you can see all the guys are insanely psyched out about the field trip. All that did is make me feel older as I thought... stupid field trip, I could be at home playing Dark star one... Stupid Dark star one.. I could have scored higher for my BV prac quiz... Stupid prac quiz... I could just not do this and be in Singapore earning 2000 bucks a month selling glasses... Stupid job... why didnt I do something else like Corn farm production so I can be in Illinois making fun of Joshua?

Your move Joshua me lad...

Check it out !

2006-08-23T02:32:00.000-07:00

The quotes and pics I got chicken and monkey have been published on the NUS Overseas Colleges website below.

http://www.overseas.nus.edu.sg/noc/colleges_stockholm_tomorrowsentrepreneurs.htm

Now we actually are somewhat decent people, so act like it ! Actually we should delete some incriminating posts in the archives.

Sick in Sydney

2006-08-21T00:10:00.000-07:00

Another day, another opportunity for mindless absorption of seemingly useless facts. The only silver lining here is that every day is a countdown to my eventual return to my fiefdom, Kovan. If anyone is up at a respectable time, they would know about the legend of the Yeong brother who drove like an angry Yeong brother because the other Yeong Brother made him drive him to camp at some obscene hour every morning.

However, Sir Yeong is no more and is now working at some arts and craft camp somewhere trying to draw lines so engineers can be confused about the lines he drew and make a building that would eventually collapse on some unsuspecting Bangara workers. This of course is part of his diabolical plan to not have to work in the same place as Overlord No.9035 (girlfriend) who supervises all his other bodily functions except the lines he so preciously holds close to his bosom.

As I think everyone is aware. This Blog is now mine. What used to be a confused bunch of republicans has now been replaced by a more efficient dictatorship. This suits me well, everyone in my retarded class is turning 21 and there would be more than sufficient shots of me drunk to post later. I of course pretend I am 21 to fit in, this unfortunately requires more alcohol than anyone can provide so I have now switched back to Panadol Extra to both boost up my grades and reduce overall brain function eventually.

This of course loops back to the heading which is a direct symptom of my rampant alcoholism. Alcohol, Panadol Extra and more alcohol does not mix very well for me and since my geographic location *is* syndney... i am thus sick in sydney. I am also bored shitless as Sydney is about as interesting as Singapore. This would not be much of a problem if not for the fact I dont have a car which actually made Singapore somewhat liveable as I cruise along the boring city at less boring speeds and to the tune of misogynistic Dirty South music. Environmentalists be damned! I wanna burn up as much hydrocarbons as I can as fast as I can in air conditioned comfort.

Oh... and Mr Man is boring now... whaddup with that? He sounds like someone has cut off his balls. I thought he would be more violent after his trip to Russia and start cussing like an unreasonable man who overcompensates in all directions. Oh well... maybe now I can make him drink more, Mr Man is fun when drunk.

Im bored of this. Bye

Is our blog dead yet?

2006-06-06T05:39:00.000-07:00

I know. I know. I think we have used our collective telepathy skills to flush out those stinking blog lurkers which were comprised mostly of Mr Chicken's stinking loser friends by not posting anything for so long it stopped being funny.

Anyway, on top of that, even the chatbox is gone so we dont have to listen to them whine about more posts from Mr Chicken who lets face it, is more happening than a half boiled egg at Killini Kopi Tiam.

How have you guys been? I know Joshua is very active at home with helping his mother out with chores since the alternative is to sit in his 3 by 3 cell in front of an air con without a filter and watch porn (hows dwa lan jiao doing?) with one eye on the door just in case his mom pops her head in and starts lecturing him about sex ed. Anyway, Mr chicken and Mr monkey, you guys are flying over right? For accommodation, I demand the following games
1) Oblivion, Elder Scrolls 4
2) The Godfather
3) Sex Sex revolution 3000 (80% less clothing!)

and the following Phat L3wt

1) Your Bling bling rings (Cosplay time!!!, get my brother to bring my dragon shirts!!)
2) Your first born

I think you guys can guess which ones are the real important ones, oherwise, I need to get smarter friends but I got bored staking out at the library trying to find out which ones were there to actually pick up chicks instead of reading. Who goes to a library to read for the love of christ?

I have not been well, I rediscovered my brain this session and am actually doing well enough that the sleep-deprived post-grad student (i.e. underpaid overworked sub-lecturer) remembers that my name begins with a G. I know I know... but at least it looks like a C.

Ok, now the big news... I plan to do medicine so you guys would not see me for... Ahhh... lets say we would all be playing DOTA (badly considering arthritis) at the nursing home while shitting in our diapers. Its to start at the end of my current degree and its a 4 year post-grad course. The catch is that I gotta pass the exam and its an A-level kinda thing so prepare to be harassed like you have never been harassed before when I get back in summer. Sorry, but I make stupid decisions and someone has to pay for it and it sure aint me... it'll be daddy and mommy and Deep fried chicken... actually, better go with the monkey... he got better grades.

I hate my life. But at least I know I want to do medicine, think about it this way, when you have all graduated and are driving around in luxurious car makes, I will pull up in my 1994 Honda Civic esi which I would have to rescue from whatever third world country because I cannot afford anything else and everyone gets to drive a manual!!! It might not be better than my uncle's pickup but it stalls on the Lido carpark incline when Mr Man brakes deliberately because he hates goats!

Bring Oblivion (working version) or you guys will sleep with Mr Doggy in the backyard with all his Doggy glamour. You have been warned. BTW, Holden Astra costs 30 buckeroos while Miata costs 125. They have the Sunny too (they call it the Pulsar) so I thought we could be nolstalgic and let Mr monkey drive and make it make sweet love to concrete walls and Mercs.

Hard Rock hallelujah

2006-05-27T11:59:00.000-07:00

I don't know if you have heard about Lordi ? Its a finnish band.

Me

2006-04-08T01:11:00.000-07:00

Its DA WEEKEND! AWWUUGGA AAWWWWUUGGAAA!!
After spending months piled up with work/pretneding to be at work/avoiding work, its again time to post random pictures with random comments.. I just finished writing a 6 page paper on a 2 minute movie scene And im pumped!!!.. I mean, how can you churn out a 6 page long discussion about a 2 minute movie scene? I must have used the phrase "Very interesting" more than 10 times.. ok...lets get it on...
Here's my plan for tonight

1)spend 45 minutes writing my blog
2)watch Bleach episode 75-76
3)write election speech for tomorrow
4)sleep

I found someone who's at least half as messy as me!

Putrid cardboard boxes, which once held pretty Apple computers, are now home to various non-biodegradable baby-suffocating plastic wrappers, empty beer cans and the occassional hobo who couldnt afford to live next to the trash can behind the alley along 5th Street.

I'm glad to see that my room has its own fanclub now

Often imitated, never substituted.
There is no replacement for the real thing - ohhh your messy room turns me onnnn...

We went to the beach!

In Florida.. Due to the lack of our Singaporenish Islandy lifestyle, we decided to spend our spring break travelling to beachy places to get what we can get in Singapore. Hot weather and Beaches. Why?
Same reason why we come all the way to America and want to eat chinese food.
Cos we are dooopid....

Good thing about some of the beaches, is that u can drive your cars onto them

And everybody knows, the only manly thing to do is to take your 4x4 onto the beach to pose for a picture

Too bad for the birds/roadkill
Those Seagulls may be good at fishing and making "Screeach" sounds, but when it comes to avoiding Jeeps on the beach, they still have a long way to go.(apparently Evolution didnt prepare them for the 4WD Jeep Liberty)

We went to Universal Studios!

Which turned out to be mostly random shops with cartoon characters all over.
Parents best keep their children out of the shops, unless they want to drag their whiny brats by the neck all the way across Universal Studio's most famous attraction, "Expensive Souviner Land".

How to overvalue your merchandise.

Take plain black sweater made from made in china wool(china had sheep? those poor bastards) and print UNIVERSAL STUDIOS logos on them.

Put US$50 price tag on them and sell to stupid tourists.

It isnt often that you see "Made in China" and "$48.95" on a wool sweater.

Midwestern games!

Special event where all the Singaporeans from the mid western schools in USA meet together in a specific spot to talk Singlish, curse in hokkien and throw their trash all over the floor. It feels very much like Singapore, just that instead of taking the bus, many of the students drive big sports cars bought with daddy's moneys.

Go illini!

Although we got trashed by Michigan and all the other schools, we still played with pride(because they gave us free doughnuts and bananas)

This is a WhiteCastle burger..

Dont look so fancy eh? But looks can be deceiving...
The cheese somehow melts into the beef patty, infusing itself into one soft, tender, cheesy lump of dead cow. Its VOODOO i tell you!
The burgers are so small, they sell them in packs as large as 30 per box, making it more convenient to get from zero to Cardiac Arrest in minimal time.

This is my research bowl from many months back

As you can see, its still in the same state i left it, 3 months back.
The surroundings have come and gone, but my bowl stays eternal.
It makes a great conversational piece for the girlies.
"My bowl is dirty, but you wanna know what else is dirty around here?"
"Is my bowl dirty? or is it just me?"

Finally, this is a typical American highway(in Michigan)

What do you notice about this road?

1) Its 1 lane only, thus making sure you go at slow speeds, stopping at times, revving your car more often and punching a hole in the earth's Atmosphere. America never really liked the Ozone layer, why do you think they like to build big engined trucks that rape the atmosphere? America, Fuck Yeah!

2) There are potholes and cracks along the entire road, making sure even the smoothest of luxury cars would go klong-rrrr-klong-rrrr-klong-rrrr all the way home.

WEll, time to watch Bleach!

LIGHT!!!

2006-03-20T04:07:00.000-08:00

Ok... its not really light but I have an internet connection at bloody long last. I have been to Singapore and back again so to recap I have divided this SUPER long post into three individual sections.

1) International House vs Warrane College(all boys college), Da Ultimatest showdown
2) Singapore, Highlights!!!
3) My girlfriend, why mine is better than yours

International House is where I decided to plant my lazy ass (no more cooking!!!) for the rest of my time here. The first thing I noticed was the complete lack of Hygiene, the bars on my windows and the bare brick walls.

Dammit!!! I thought. But I soon realised that compared to my old room, my parents would be less inclined to drop by due to the excessive reek of unwashed international students and fermented coffee.

As you can see, once your parents drop by in clean beautiful warrane, there really aint much room on the bed for sleeping purposes and of course, they tend to nag if u bring back the ladies.

The friendly priests at Opus Dei (some Catholic Subgenre) had dictated that anyone who mattered talked to god (skipping out on some anti-psychotic medications at the same time). Thus, talking to other people should be as inconvenient as possible... thus inventing what could only be described as "The Phone Cell" or

Yes... I talked to all my loved ones in there... I decided to exclude God for reasons of spite.

But that didnt mean it was all parents and a dingy phone cell. Once in a while, when the collective boyish spirit grabs a hold of us, we would hold a strictly heterosexual Mardis Gras of over the top eating... Then once we were high on Lamb fat and Lee Kum Kee Chilli oil, we would go insane and take compromising photos.

I seriously think that the gayness of Warrane balances out the filthiness of International House. Of course, the only difference would be the extreme abundance of bouncy jiggly girls in International House. However, as I have not spent any time looking at them or even measuring the obtuse angles of their curves, I naturally have no photos (Yes mom... I really am studying... girls dont excite me... Ocular Pathology excites me)

Singapore was kinda cool, I met Mr Cow and watched him get more hornier than a teenager on Viagra off east coast.

First you get any random monkey squatting off the side of the road, a masturbating one is good. Specifically the one that contributes to this blog is best.

Mr Cow will start getting Horny and rub his body against random poles to begin with, Mr Monkey decided to pose with the bovine man as Mr Cow is ostensibly Heterosexual.

What happened later will haunt the dreams of all who were walking past east coast that day and made Mr Monkey a much wiser (albeit sadder) monkey.

Meanwhile, Mrs Cow cycles on unaware of Mr Cow's infidelity and making herself look more photogenic than normal through the use of her "V is for VICTORY" symbolism while I frantically explain that Mr Cow is Anwaring Mr Monkey.

Here, we see Mr Cow doing his Post-intercourse cow dance on shoes with 4 small wheels (Not recommended for the faint of heart).

Here we see Mr Cow after he has fallen down from his dance and Mr Goat the highly efficient medic taking a photo before he decides NOT to commence CPR due to hygiene purposes.

No amount of pain could ever make up for this highly delightful photo of eveyone *in* pain. We were just high from the donuts we stole off the homeless guy.

10 Reasons Why my girlfriend is better than yours

1) She is a fashion critique of the highest calibre especially in women's Haute Couture shoes.

2) I drive a 1.3L car.

She Drives a 1.3L car.

3) You dont have to de-louse my girlfriend.

4) She is not a midget

5) Her secret identity as a fire breathing dragon assures me free access to her
treasure hoard without becoming a LvL 50 Paladin with Phat Lewt.

6) She is good at jobs which involves blowing.

I dont know what you guys were thinking but this is my baby's BIRTHDAY!!! Yea! Her birthday is on 12th of Feb, I expect all you farm animals to have her tribute in the day before.

7) Her artistic skills are beyond par.

8) She likes cake

9+10) I ran out of ideas and im tired and I really wanna get this post out so u lot wont think I have transmorgified into a nerd. But just to finish it... it equals to 19

HIT ME BACK!!! IM BACK!!!

Sleepy and tired

2006-03-18T01:50:00.000-08:00

Damnit, there's no time to write anything here anymore...nothin but tests n stuff every other week.
But its spring break now... and im still short of time..hmm... did i mention im sleepy too? hmm.. nevermind..

I'll do a short post cos i have to wake up in a few hours to drive to chicago.. plus i cant really find my photos...

Event: Duck Tape Your RA(Residential Advisor)

Yes, it is that time of the year again, where you waste rolls of good duck tape(that could be used to tape a car together) to aimlessly stick people to the wall.
The objective of the gmae, was to tape your RA to the wall, and the Last standing RA(after the rest have fallen) wins, and his/her floor gets a pizza party..
It sounded like a perfect plan,
Except for the fact that my RA had the force of 1000 Cheese Pizzas on his side. (some call it the "Dark Side", but he still prefers the name "Domino's Pizza")

No prizes for guessing whether we won or lost...

I gave up listening to fortune cookies for advice on life matters... Because they just started to get plain weird...

And just when you've given up all hope on fortune cookies, they fight back!

It was Unofficial St. Patrick's Day a few friday's ago...

History Lesson:
St. Patrick is a whacko Irish guy who likes to drink all the alcohol he can get his hands on(ie. like every other College Student). So, in honor(notice the American spelling of "Honour"? I wanna be an American Idiot *Zhang Zhang Zhang Zhangggg* <-Jams guitar) of such a brave individual who values his sociability more than his liver, college students around America celebrate St Patrick's day one friday. Bars open at 8am, students go to school drunk and Walmart sees a sudden increase in Alcohol sales to youngsters with fake IDs.
In honor of St Patrick's day, I had to make a trip to Walmart to fill my car up with happy juice.

To Mummy: I DID NOT drink or buy all of that... I DID NOT...

Where else on earth can u find 6 different beers made from 6 different countries?(i think)

Ans: In Walmart

Another tradition on St Patrick's day, was to wear green... cos The Irish believe that vomit stains look best on Green colored clothes.

Ok, im sleepy.. will post more pics after my spring break trip to Florida...

Ammo and Alcohol

2006-02-25T23:38:00.000-08:00

Am I allowed to bring this back to Singapore ?

Also here are some pictures of wacky stuff around Sweden. And I use the word "wacky" in a manly way, while listening to Twins and S.H.E.

This is supposed to be a castle in Uppsala, a town north of Stockholm. First of all, its pink. What the hell is the use of a pink castle ? Maybe it was painted pink only recently, but still what kind of invaders is it supposed to protect against ? And why is it shaped like a barn ? Wacky !

Now this is pretty messed up as well. But this is not in Sweden, its in Oslo, Norway. Apparently it's an human orgy. Made out of a penis.

Here we have a dinosaur, which is cool and all because everyone likes dinosaurs, but notice the lesson in sex education going on in the same time.

And here is evidence of chinese culture in Sweden. This is obviously plagiarized from ancient yellow charms, "Fu2", used in Chinese horror "Jumping Vampire" movies, to stop the vampires from moving. It is not gaelic irregardless of what anyone says, those silly scots are always trying to steal our thunder.

Then we have this. To any well-read wordly person, they would instantly know what this is. This is obviously the spear of longinus used in the anime Evangelion, which was removed from Lillith by Rei Ayanami in order to defeat the Fifteenth Angel. It is not a maypole.

One more thing, will everyone be back in Singapore at June ?

I'm an attention whore.

2006-02-22T08:50:00.000-08:00

Can't let chicken steal all the limelight with all his "I have no camera to take photos but i still have enough photos to suck up all the bandwidth of a small nation" photos. So i gotta post some too to make our blog even more dail-up friendly.

First, some random photos.

My camera has a new friend!!

Random photo. Not related to anything, but i'm putting it up cause i want to and no one can stop me.

And now we move on to the more important stuff.

Alcohol + milo dinosaur = ....

Mrs Monkey!!!

and baby monkeys!

No camera

2006-02-12T14:55:00.000-08:00

I've nothing much to post.. thats cos i dont have my small camera(which i used to bring around everywhere).. I only have thathuge panasonic zoom camera which creates a huge bulge in my pocket(is that your camera? or are you just happy to see me?)...
With my limited camera usage, here are some pictures of random people(with random descriptions)...

This is Venkat. He normally doesn't look so gay(unless he's with guys), but we have our worries... He enjoys talking to Girlies online, pretending he is the original author of the Kama Sutra. Has been known to go days without showering, as the smell of "Dirty Big Man" turns girlies on, especially when he's talking to them over the webcam.

This is Ben. He enjoys walking around the corridors, trying to fit coins in his eye sockets(he regrets not buying that wallet with coin pouch few months back). He only goes back to his room to do his homework, as his roommate is Korean and the only conversational experience he will ever get out of him is "Khun! Dong kim sam mi da!", which means "Die! White devil who does his homework!" in English.

This is me. I was experiencing a rare phenomenon called "Ben ran into my room and locked me out of it". He probably went crazy while attempting to stuff coins into his eyesockets and decided to lock himself in my room and eat up all my Sugar Free Jello.
Note to self: Carry your fucking key wherever you go, dumbass..

This is Mark. He enjoys doing "stuff". He is skilled at haggling. It has been rumoured that he once sold a camera to a blind man(Either that, or he stole the dude's cash and made a run for it).

This is Manan. He enjoys coming into my room and eating all my food.(pictured here, going through my fridge for something to drink). His escapades have earned him such a reputation, that he now even has his own Fan Club on Facebook,

The "Manan Shah Needs To Stay In His Own Room" Group.

This is Dominic, He enjoys playing soccer, forcing people to play mahjong, vomitting in Clubs and getting rejected by girls in clubs after vomitting on them. His common pickup lines include "Bring me to the washroom, I'm going to vomit" and "Stop moving around, I'm going to vomit". His superpowers include having unlimited energy to play Mahjong and being able to swallow more food than his stomach displacement can actually hold.(some say he eats till his limit, so as to have ample vomit to share with the girlies later on in the club)

This is Junwan, Fiona and Tracy. They enjoy getting really high marks in tests, thus causing the rest of the class to get lower GPAs after grades are moderated. They also enjoy making people wait for them in cars while they take their time to come out of their dorms. Some claim that the petrol spent idling their cars while waiting for them is enough to power a mid-sized communist country through an entire winter, leaving enough fuel left after that to make some Vodka for the Spring After-Party.

This is Mr Cow. He enjoys dressing up in shiny clothes to impress the girlies, as he read somewhere that girls are attracted to shiny things(or was it Pigeons?). He wears his shiny bling bling clothes often in the night to attract girlies into his Hyundai Sonata Evolution and drives off(After cleaning all the pigeon shit off.. Hmm, why do the pideons like him so much?)
He also often msgs me to tell me what new parts he's going to add to his car, and how his Girlfriend prestering him to buy her a bracelet is going to spoil all his plans.

This is Sandra. Pictured here holding her new pink LV wallet.(don't she look hot?) You can tell she's a wonderful, loving and caring person by the way she caresses her LV wallet(HEY! She never treated me so nicely!). Sandra enjoys shopping, cooking and doing sweet girly stuff at home.
She studies in Perth, but is currently living it up in her Crib in Singapore, on Summer Holiday.

People!

Reasons for Sweden

2006-01-28T19:30:00.000-08:00

Sweden is fun.

Nuff said.

Real happinesss

2006-01-27T07:33:00.000-08:00

worship worship worship

Case Study : Dried Spughetty

2006-01-26T19:50:00.000-08:00

Experiment:
The Heavenly Drain Water Chicken, going against his roommate's wishes(FUCK YOU ROOMIE CLEAN THAT DISGUSTING SHIT UP!), eats a can of Spughetty and leaves the dirty bowl out in his room for days to watch it ferment(He's too darn lazy to clean it).
This is his Case Study.

Test Subject:

One can of Chef Boyardee's life giving, salt filled, fat pumped Spughetty. A single can of this has been known to carry enough artery clogging goodness to send a middle aged man(add work related stress, money problems and a girlfriend that checks his "last dialled numbers" in his cell phone every hour) into a seizure. Thus, this is the obvious choice for the experiment.

Pour into test vessel

When poured out, the experiment takes the form of the vessel that holds it. Resembling fish bait in a bucket of slime, the experiment was so tempting, that the Chicken had to eat it. Battling the feeling of his heart about to give in to the saturated fat intake and stop beating, the Heavenly Drain Water Chicken fights on.

DAY 1

Test subject X has partially dried up, forming a layer ontop of the bowl which resembles sheet ice. A small portion still remains moist and gooey, probably due to the immense amount of salt found in subject X. Subject X emmits a light smell of vinegar mixed with dog poo poo. My Vapor Sensor(roommate) confirms that it indeed does smell like "If you don't throw that away, I'm gonna whoop ur ass".

DAY 3

Test subject X has fully dried up, forming thin layers of tomatoey goodness around the bowl. The scientific probe(plastic fork) used to interact with Test Subject X, has been permernantly infused into the bowl. It is suspected that the plastic has somehow melted and stuck itself on the bowl. At this time a reasonable hypothesis would be to conclude that the reason why the Aliens(From Alien 1, Alien 2, Alien Resurrection and Alien Vs Predator) have acidic blood, is because an intergalatic shipment of Chef Boyardee's Canned Spughetty crash landed on their planet and they ate it all up, causing their blood to turn acidic and their personalities to be permernantly set to "Very Very Angry".

DAY 5

Little change from day 3. Test Subject X has stopped emitting "poo poo smelling" vapor. We therefore have reason to believe that it has fully undergone its transformation from one state(liquid) to another state(LIVING HELL TO SCRUB/WASH THE BOWL)

Small anomaly, which previously did not exist, has been detected near bottom of bowl.

Designated "Booger Alpha", for future reference.

DAY 7

Nothing much has changed since 2 days ago. Subject X maintains its grotesque appearance. Transformation is non-existant. We have reason to believe Dried Spughetty cannot be dried any further. Subject X has fully stabilized and is deemed safe for placement on Roommate's table.

Second anomaly appears within 2 cm of "Booger Alpha".

Designated "Booger Booger", for future reference.

Case Study concluded.

Report: Chef Boyardee's tastes good, but once you let it dry up in your bowl, its a pain in the ass to clean up. Use disposable bowls.

Next Case Study on: Manly Meat Filled Sandwich With Cream Cheese

Test subject will be put through the most vigorous and harshest of experimental environments,

all in the name of science(and plain laziness)

Special Message:

Mummy. I'm running out of money to buy food...

Please send money...

The Dafansu 3 Step Guide to Happiness (pat. pending)

2006-01-20T07:44:00.000-08:00

Step 1.
Get a used textbook.

Step 2.
Sell textbook for cold hard cash. Money CAN buy happiness.

Step 3.
Happiness comes in a bottle.

Checking in

2006-01-18T15:39:00.000-08:00

Pics and short explanations

Girl

Lasted 10 days. Fun while it lasted.

Russia

Saint Basil's Church, famous Russian cathedral

Makdonalds, say it the way Red Alert soviet soldiers say "Acknowledged"

Hail to Chief Wooly Hat. Or as we say Comrade Wooly Hat.

Dinner. The menu is irrelevant in Soviet Union. You eat what we have. I had the fish. So did everyone else.

Meeting with President Shih of NUS. He came to Stockholm to chill out.

Dinner party in stockholm.

Dinner Party after wine in stockholm.

Kiruna, North of Sweden

Roughing it out

Rafting across the lake in the winter. pheer !

The never ending journey

2006-01-17T20:58:00.000-08:00

Fun fact : It takes 36 hours to travel from Singapore to Champaign-Urbana(provided you are stupid enough to add in 12 hours of transit time at the New York Airport)

Joshua did so, and now Joshua(still) feels like crap.
This is his story.

Joshua flies back to study in the states, leaving his new found love behind..

Joshua takes a sip of Champagne on the plane..

Readily offering free alcohol to all paying customers regardless of how young they look, no Economy flight would be complete without drinking Champagne out of a plastic cup.

Joshua tries the airline food..

Being the only source of nourishment 20000 feet in the sky, passengers are forced to choose between specially prepared(by monkeys wearing a "kiss the cook" apron) meals with exotic names like "Mushroom Chicken with Boiled Potatoes"(Boney Hard Chicken with Squishy Potatoes) or "Pan-Fried Fish with Wild Rice"(Century-Old Stale Fish with Crunchy Undercooked Rice). The bun wasn't too bad actually, there are only "so many" ways to fuck up a serving of Butter and Bun.

Joshua eats cup noodles..

The Airline, knowing that they would lose a sizable portion of their customer base due to malnutrition if they only served Airline food, they gladly provided cup noodles on request, to any poor starving souls who were desperate enough to ask for a cup.

Joshua plays Pokemon on the inflight entertainment system..

He got bored soon, after his Level 7 Charmeleon got owned by a Level 6 Pidgey that jumped him when he was strolling through the grass outside his school.

Joshua watches Team America World Police on his Qosmio..

Pissed by the fact that they had Ethernet connection ports on all seats, but no access to the internet, Joshua had no choice but to watch Movies and Anime on his laptop throughout most of the flight

Joshua reads books..

Being the only book he had on the flight, "The Kama Sutra"(a gift from Sandra) proved to be a very interesting read. Taking a walk through the Perfumed Garden of Ananga Ranga, Joshua learns that 4th Century Indian Men had dicks the size of 12" Meatball Subs(add extra meat for $2.99)from Subway.

Joshua eats fake chinese food

Having enough of the fake gourmet food on the plane, Joshua decides to get some fake chinese food at the food court in the New York airport. For a meer US$7.99, you get a complete meal consisting of Sauteed beef with vegetables(Black Pepper Beef), General Tsao's Chicken(Black Pepper Chicken) and Crispy Tofu with Sizhuan Sauce(Black Pepper Tofu)

Joshua sleeps at the food court..

Having too many distractions on the plane(are Indians really that big?!?), Joshua decides to catch up on some sleep during his transit in New York. Unfortunately, he was kicked out of the food court during closing time(Stupid Asian Bum, go back to ChinaTown!). So he had to relocate.

Joshua sleeps in the arrival hall..

Pictured here, faithfully guarding his luggage with his eyes closed.

Joshua opens his Luggage

Only to find that the pack of Ikan Bilis he brought over has broke, causing it to spread all around his bag, thus coating his books with a distinct "Tiny Fish with Oil" smell.

Joshua is sleepy now. Joshua is going to sleep.

I love Singapore

2005-12-29T06:14:00.000-08:00

I love Singapore.. because its been my home for the past 21 years(and also because I don't feel so puny everytime I walk around the streets)..
I havnt been bringing my camera around much lately(and even if I do, I seldom take pics), but here's what I've got...

This is a picture of my Dorm Room the night before I left Illinoissss.

As you can see, I've been doing alot of packing(and I still have alot left to do) Thats what I get for procrastinating till the last minute(how did I ever find my books to study? Oh wait, what books? wha?)

Here's a pic of my roommate right before he left...

As you can see by his friendly hand gestures, he likes me very much. Don't worry roomie, the feeling is mutual, you biatch... I keed.. I keed.... I miss his random verbal insults and window shattering farts.

Anyway, back to packing... Same as the time I first came to the States, Pack Rat Choo manages to stuff all his cares and woes into one single hard suitcase(not forgetting Goat's Fabric Softener, you fucker, you'd better take along with you back to Aussie).

I missed airplane food..

No matter how hard they try, the airline cooks always manage to make something nice taste so bad.. Even so, this was the first char siew I had in 4 months, so I wasnt really complaining.. Somehow, it feels nice to eat wrapped food out of a tray.. Its like a Kinder surprise.. The stewardess says white rice, you get a rice biscuit, which is a chinese delicacy(found only in Chinese families who cant cook for nuts).

Ok, something more recent,
we had a BBQ/Happy party at Cow's crib, where the usual partons as well as some really cool guests bonded in alcoholic friendship.

This is a pic from a few days ago...
comparing it to a picture taken in the exact same spot, 11 months ago,

The only 2 things that have changed since then, are Cow's bedsheets(due to over excessive Cow Lovin'), and the guy on the floor, who is(last we heard) still somewhere in Russia(probably also drunk on the floor with a wooly hat on his head).

We gave offerings(of happy juice) to his likeness(a picture of him on a laptop screen)

all this in a hope that he will one day return to grace our toiletbowls with his life giving(or taking) vomit.

In honor of Mr Man(the one lost in Russia), some of us reinacted the scene which shot Mr Man(AKA Chief Wooly Hat) to instant idolization.

The Masturbating Monkey and Chief Red Face doing the "Mr Man Dance"......

SPECIAL TIP OF THE DAY : HOW TO BE A GOOD BOYFRIEND

1) Spike the fruit punch with enough Barcardi to set your liver on fire

Mini Tip : Too much Barcardi is never enough

2) Test the fruit punch yourself, making sure you got the right mix of ying and yang(you don't want to under-spike your drink, now do you?)

Mini Tip : When in doubt, just add the whole bottle

3) Let your girlfriend have a go on "The Wild Side"

Mini Tip : If she refuses to drink, use the sympathy card : "If you love me you will drink"

4) Get Jiggy with it

Mini Tip : Na Na Na Na Na Na Na.... Gettin Jiggy with it..Na Na Na Na Na Na Na....

Disclaimer : The 2 people in the pictures did not really do what you think they did. They were actually drinking plain water from the helmets. They then proceeded to sit down and talk about important world issues like Global Warming and World Cow Rights.

Time Well Wasted

Burnt Toast

2005-12-10T03:25:00.000-08:00

I am OFFICIALLY BACK! Watch your rear views for that long black streak with navigational issues! 2 long months to tan, pump and drive yo asses from east to da west. From Sim Lim to Killiney Kopitiam, Bukit Timah Branch! On a side note, I was walking from my gate at the airport and lo and behold, I saw a Killiney Kopitiam within the customs area... far out. Its spreading like MacDonalds...

Anyway, decided to update this blog wif Handphone pics of my apartment... my international ass is too poverty stricken to afford a camera atm.

First of all, this is the view of the living room and part of the kitchen.

I have nothing funny to say about it.... cause it isnt funny... it just looks boring. Even Joshua's house had more going for it with his antiques and horny turtles which jacked off over my brother's hand.

And now, the main attraction was the collection of books we assembled to study from the time we get up into the wee hours of the night.

I dont know how those bottles got there... but it *is* australia, I probably got 2 bottles of wine for every textbook I bought.

And now the kitchen...

I dont recall much was actually used except for the microwave... (note to housemate: just kidding! you cooked good! Better than the mulch I got from microwaving cereal with milk)

And this is me room

Contrary to popular accliam, the only magic that happens here is page 345 of Griffin's Anomalies of Binocular vision 3rd Edition.

And finally, when depression kicks in and I needta DOTA or when desperation kicks in and I need porn or when exams kick in and I needta catch up on 13 weeks of work.... Me Desk!

I know. I know. But a suitcase is heaps cheaper than an Ikean desk.

And of course...

She is not so much dangerous as she is *potentially dangerous* Either way... hell hath no fury than a woman scorned. And my house mate takes scorn less well than most.

Thats my life thus far... Will update this spot once I get a tan on Goat's Weird Nerdy Optom Friends (and a special on Yao Yao the chinese bear)!

I'm still alive

2005-12-04T22:35:00.000-08:00

Stupid Masturbating Monkey, think u can take over this blog just cos u've got so much storage space from NUS... think again biatch....
Well, im actually posting here cos I've ran out of underwear and I just threw some into the washer/dryer, so im waiting for them to be done.... Instead of surfing on to ebay to see what the devil has to offer, I decided to post something here once again...
Didnt have much time to post shit as usual...and my finals are next week... cool shit huh?

I went to boston over the 1 week thanksgiving break...
And true our nature, stupid singaporeans brought lotsa books and notes along to study during the vacation. Lusers....

I'm glad I only brought my accounting books...

We had a small problem.. we didnt book the correct hotel(motel) online..The Boston Bedford.. and we ended up in some shitty place 30 miles away from Boston city itself.. It would have been perfect for us if we wanted to hide from the authorities, as it is rumoured that the road that leads to The Boston Bedford is only accessable during the day. By night, mountain lions and zombies(the ones that cant really walk fast, but scare the shit out of you nonetheless) inhabit the place, making travel suicidal.

Check out the "Fuck my ass and spank me silly" looks on our faces after the taxi dropped us off at the Boston Bedford...

The food in Boston(like any other city) was expensive.. But then again, the price is proportional to the size of it..

Or the amount of unhealthy stuff they add to the food..

Pictured above, is a Harvard burger.. So called because its from a cafe located in the centre of Harvard university. In an attempt to gain intelligence, we downed a few Harvard burgers, onion rings and milkshakes for lunch.. But all we got was an uneasy stomach and the strong desire to skip dinner and breakfast the next day(as well as the whole general idea of eating altogether)

After lunch, we went around Harvard square and practiced some Illinois Loyalty...

Since young, I always assumed Harvard and MIT were in 2 different places.. it was only during this break that i found out that they were next to each other. I'm guessing this was all planned out. Putting all the smartest people together in one central place.. Retrofitting the whole land mass area with rockets and if the world ever ends, the good people of MIT and Harvard can be blasted off to the moon to continue the human race, starting their own Utopia of Uber Nerds. They will then create some sort of time travel device to go back in time, before the world ends, to save all the rare spiderman comics they can find.

But thats just my theory(although all evidence points to me being right)

AS u can see above, the buildings of MIT have been designed to look really nice on the moon. They even have some chrome buildings for that "Star Trek" look.

Anyway, after spending most of my moneys on food in Boston, I decided to go leech off my nice friend Butoh who was at Northwestern University(Chicago)

Pictured here cooking his magic "Foreign student living alone in an apartment" casserole(Salmon, Chicken, Brocolli, White stuff, Carrots and Mushrooms) for me to eat.

Foreign students often cook meals at home(if they have apartments), as the choice of food in the city aint that fantastic.

Anyway, all that happened like, a week ago.. but I just didnt have time to write about it.... im taking my exams in a weeks time(not like I wasnt having exams non stop for the past 4 months) and i'll be spending most of my time studying.. which blows... it dont help that on some nights(when I forget to lock my door), Indians come in from nowhere and stary playing the PS2 in my room, disturbing my sleep...

Multi Cultural Saussage Fest in my room

vicodin & nicotine

2005-12-02T07:38:00.000-08:00

The Black Angels - Black Grease
The Brian Jonestown Massacre - Not If You Were The Last Dandy On Earth
Deerhoof - Wrong Time Capsule
Franz Ferdinand - Michael (Kultkomplex Cafe 180504)
Love Psychedelico - Lady Madonna

Right, what the hell, is everyone dead? Bloody hell. I'm non-violently taking over this blog. ph33r me.

hot cakes hot snakes

2005-11-18T08:43:00.000-08:00

just stuff.

Zutons - Will You Won't You (V Fest 2005)
Bishop Allen - Things Are What You Make Of Them
The Magic Numbers - Love's A Game (Hultsfred Festival 2005)
Spoon - The Two Sides Of Monsieur Valentine
The New Pornographers - The Slow Descent Into Alcoholism (live 230805)

blast from the past

2005-11-12T05:54:00.000-08:00

its my birthday already, so for this weeks special, we gots songs that are older than me. and you. and you.

Velvet Underground - Sunday Morning
The Stooges - Real Cool Time
The Clash - London Calling
Joy Division Atmosphere
Bob Dylan - Like A Rolling Stone

kill the D.J.

2005-11-04T07:29:00.000-08:00

New this week: love! sex! betrayal! none of the above!

Gorillaz - Kids With Guns
LCD SoundSystem - Disco Infiltrator
Electric Six - Danger! High Voltage
Ladytron - Destroy Everything
The Streets - Blinded By The Lights

Also, check out Last.fm for hours of music snobbery fun! Laugh at all those kids with bad music taste (hint: everything you don't listen to)! Get your own music profile for snobbier snobs to mock! Humour yourself for hours (or minutes) all for the low low price of nothingness!

Tune in next week, same time, same place for more unwanted goodness!

The Twilight Zone

2005-10-30T13:37:00.000-08:00

Hello. Its been ages. I blame the constant mini-tests, speeches and homework which are the bane of my college life. I curse them all. But for now, I am free from everything. For a brief hour, I am in the Twilight zone. Daylight Savings has just set in today, so we all have to set our clocks back 1 hour. So technically, after I'm done typing my cares and woes here, it'll still be the same time as before I started. Weird shit huh?
Who cares? I get an extra hour today.

Here's whats been happening the past month or so(besides studying senselessly, while the people around me all get drunk)...

I went to a Foo Fighters/Weezer/Kaizer Chief's concert...

Suck it, Masturbating Monkey. Suck it suck it suck it....
Besides some other random Punk boy rock bands that pretend to have family problems and vent their frustrations on stage(Fallout Boy and Dave Matthews Band), guess what else is coming on Nov 6th,

Now if i could only buy tickets in time...

I went to Six Flags amusement park in St Louis...

Its like any other park with lots of fun rides that help people lose their caps, glasses, wallets and any other loose items in their pockets...
And no amusement park is complete with carnival folks who rig their games, making sure you have as much chance of winning a prize as you have of pulling a monkey out of your ass.

This poor chap over here spent $40 worth of "special balls" on this game, before he won some sort of large Care Bear stuffed toy.. Sucker!! (I spent $25 and didn't win that 5-foot tall Scooby-Doo stuffed toy, damn him...)

When poor(litreally) international students want to buy winter clothes, poor international students have to rent a(few) car(s) and drive to the nearest factory outlet mall, which is about 40 miles or so away(not including miles spent travelling in the wrong direction due to "Newbie Navigator in Foreign Country" skills)..

In such far away places, its common to find pre-world-war-2 retro style diners everywhere...

Like pigeons attracted to shiny objects, the pretty chrome exterior attracted us to go inside and introduce them to our moneys. It was not long before we realized that small numbers with "99" at the back of them, like $1.99 + $2.99 + $9.99 + 3.99 add up to US$23.32 with tax. Convert that to SGD and its 40 bucks for a steak, soup, sides and drink from DANNYs... Note to self : Stay the fuck away from shiny objects...

My roommate comes home drunk sometimes(usually when he has a test the next day).
Our ex-wingman Manan "Shit that Wedgie really hurt" Shah tried to take advantage of his handicap by attacking him. As usual, he proved no match for American Muscle(with alcohol).

Pictured here strangling Indian in one hand, talking to girl he likes on phone in another hand.

Its halloween weekend this week, following tradition, I decided to dress up too.
I needed something nice, fluffy and cuddly, so all the girlies would want to hug.

I wonder if a 6 foot chicken was a good idea....
I did get lots of hugs and kisses, but my thick furry carapace took away every last bit of enjoyment.

We played broomball yesterday.
Basically you just walk on the ice arena with normal shoes and whack a ball around with a stick.

Its ice hockey for people who can't skate for nuts.
Besides the cuts and bruises on my knuckles and knees, I really enjoyed eating ice for 2 hours everytime I fell.

Right, my 1 hour Daylight Savings bonus is about to run out. After that, its back to my life of Essays, speeches homework and tests..

If anyone wants anything from America before I come back in December, tell me now, or forever hold your peace.

when in doubt, play it loud

2005-10-28T09:53:00.000-07:00

You know how you're about to leave the house and you put on your headphones, you start the music and its loud enough to bust a eardrum, and you cant hear anything else, just the way it should be... Then you reach the streets and you can still hear the cars going by, so you jack up the volume some more, and the cars fade away, but the buses are still there, with the lorries and the trucks and the tonners and the heavy vehicles, but your volume is already maxed out and theres nothing you can do.
Yeah, i hate that. THE WORLD IS TOO FUCKING LOUD. get the hell out of my head.

At The Drive-In - Enfilade
Killing Joke - Asteroid
Yeah Yeah Yeahs - Black Tongue
My Bloody Valentine - (When You Wake) You're Still in a Dream
Queens Of The Stone Age - Go With The Flow

Sucks

2005-10-26T20:53:00.000-07:00

Woah shit... theres no time to do nuts here... so much work/administrative stuff to do... it doesnt help that the bus service is non-existant and its too cold to walk more than 8 blocks... No time to write stuff.. only time to study...

will post lots shit here soon.. but first, its time to do my speech... damn speech com... meanwhile, here's evidence that my roommate gets to go out everyday drinking, while i stay home and do work...

Ok, so i may be holding a handle of happy juice, but my roommate made me hold it... i was actually holding an Accounting book....

Nerd....

Saving The World, one song at a time

2005-10-21T07:26:00.000-07:00

Heads up kids, have more mp3s for the weekend.

This seems fitting enough, unceremoniously ripped from tinymixtapes.com:
So, George Bush is sitting in the Oval Office listening to Gimme Trouble, ADULT.'s latest offering from Thrill Jockey Records, when Donald Rumsfeld enters the room from a flaming pentagram which forms in the middle of the room. Bush stands, removes his Koss headphones, and says, "Donnie, you gotta listen to this ADULT. Shit!" Bush then does his best Nicola Kuperus impression and sings "'Watch out, watch out cause we're gonna take yours, gonna take yours, gonna scare up the birds.'" Extremely excited Bush says, "That Consiglio fella has really added some dimensions to the sound and..."

"Damnit George," Rumsfeld pipes up. "I'm sick of hearing about your minimalist electro-punk! We've got a war to win and you need to be briefed." Bush comes to his senses, realizes Rumsfeld is right, and asks what new has happened.

"Well," Rummy starts. "We've received an increase in support from South American nations, but this coalition has recently been compromised as three Brazilian soldiers were killed yesterday."

Bush slams his fist on his desk in anger then quickly raises his fist to his mouth and contemplatively looks out the windows of the Oval Office. He shakes his head and, after a moment, says, "Donald this is horrible. I think we seriously need to..." His looks of sorrow are then slowly replaced with confusion as he lowers his hand, furrow his brow, squints his eyes, looks at Don and says, "Wait a minute. How much is a Brazilian?"

Bright Eyes - When The President Talks To God (live 290105)
The Von Bondies - It Came From Japan
The Hellacopters - Born Broke
Manic Street Preachers - If You Tolerate This Then Your Children Will Be Next(live 161098)
Kasabian - Club Foot(live Glastonbury 2005)

For the Motherland

2005-10-17T15:37:00.000-07:00

Hello all.

Jason in Russia.
20 - 26 Oct.
Will bring empty 60 litre tatonka bag + wooly coat
Will bring back empty bag full of furry hats, vodka and pictures.

I think we still had a bet , first one to Moscow, Russia wins right ? Looks likes you guys have until thursday to get ahead of me.

Help a friend in need

2005-10-17T03:33:00.000-07:00

I have received an email from a Mr Patrick Zulu asking for help. Apparently either me or Mr Patrik Zulu speaks german, so i've translated it with babelfish. On a totally unrelated side note, i like spam. spam is yummy. yummy spam.

Very more geehter My name is Patrick Zulu and I is the director/conductor of the Research department Committee in the South African reserve bank in South Africa. At present I am in the Netherlands to an advanced training. I contact you concerning the transfer of a very large sum of money of the account of a deceased. I know that a transaction of this order of magnitude will excite first with each concern and I insure you that for everything cared will due to the urgency of the affair have I decided to contact you. It concerns the following: One of my colleagues is responsible for the account of Gerald Welsh, which died together with its wife in the January with an aircraft crash. It was not together with other passengers on board a Egyptian airline 990.(http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/world/americas/502503.stm) since this incident is anybody of its next relatives more alive, which could lay claims on the assets on its account as its inheritance. We cannot disburse however in accordance with our guidelines the money, before someone appears as member and an inheritance and makes his requirement valid. Due to this discovery and the agreement of your name with that of the deceased my colleagues and I ask you now for your permission for indicating you as next members of the deceased. The entire completion and documentation are accomplished carefully by me, so that the assets can be disbursed of 20,5 million USS to you as next members. Otherwise the entire sum will change it after five years into the property of the bank and a director of the bank will become among themselves to divide. Due to this fact I decided to turn me to you so that you can appear as an inheritance and everything does not benefit the directors. Since however the person, who is called in the will as an heiress, deceased together with it, to have we of the administrator of the estate the order get to make a family member of the deceased that the inheritance can begin. We ask you to accept our suggestion and insure you that everything will run off absolutely risk-free for you. We will take part you with 5 million USS in the transaction, will become the remaining amount my colleagues and I for. If you are interested, send to me please the following data: 1. Name/companies name around the necessary documents vorzubereitenp 2. Bank data: Account number, Swift code, owner of an account 3. Personal telephone and fax numbers To my privately email: patrickzulu2@walla.com, with its confidential telephone no., fax No., email address, so that I can communicate the further relevant details in this thing to you. Thank you in advance. We urgently ask it to treat the affair confidentially. Please you answer fastest possible me and God segne them. With friendly grussen. Patrick Zulu.

Weekend Wank Fest

2005-10-14T22:04:00.000-07:00

Problem: On account on me being a nerd in SOC, i get free web space. Space i'm not going to use. And i can't just let it go to waste aye?

Solution: Free mp3s for anyone who cares.

Nina Gordan - Straight Outta Compton (NWA cover)
Rilo Kiley - Portions For Foxes (XFM session)
Local H - Bound For The Floor
Hot Hot Heat - Talk To Me, Dance With Me
Interpol - Stella Was A Diver And She Was Always Down

listen in order.

Burnt Toast

2005-10-12T00:21:00.000-07:00

After 120 hours of constant study at the library (equivalent to 5 days a week for 4 weeks for 6 hours) , I have decided that Goats just arent genetically suitable to be professional optometrists. Not only have I developed goat feed (or whatever goats eat) allergy and am now slightly anorexic (pictures of skinny goat not included in case of goaty japanese pervert sites) but I feel like I have developed caffeine tolerance cause it takes 300% more coffee to get my initial buzz (that is 6 double espressos for you NooBs). I have effectively acidified away all of my intestinal tract and overclocked my precious 5 brain cells till I feel like 2 steps away from a drunken blow out party like the one chicken has or rather is having.
I dont wanna type any more.

Check it out

2005-10-10T20:48:00.000-07:00

Hey Masturbating Monkey, check it out..

Apparently if I ship one can of Steven's Super Energy Drink to my dorm, it'll cost
US$38.81 to get it the next day.

I'll bring a few home for you to enjoy...

Oooohhh...

2005-10-10T06:19:00.000-07:00

Mmm... steven seagal juice... yummy...

Buy it now!

I will kill you with all my pictures

2005-10-01T22:26:00.000-07:00

I just realized... School here is tougher than in Singapore(according to the Exchange students from NUS)... That sucks.. I havnt posted stuff here for a while, cos I had 4 tests in a row last week... Now thats unheard of in an American College...

First I had this stupid Econs test.

I'm taking this year 3 economics class(cos i usually bite off more than i can chew).
My lecturer doesn't refer to the textbook when he teaches. He just mumbles on and on in a monotonous voice, while showing us just how well he can draw circles freehand on the chalk board.

Then there was this Computing test.

Basically it was stuff like "What does HTML stand for?", but I was under-informed and ended up actually studying for it.. That sucked.. But then again, if I ever encounter a 12 foot monster made of marshmellows who would only let me live if I could tell him the difference between RAM and a Hard Disk, I would live to drink another day.

There was also a Geology test.

This was quite hard, cos I had to memorize the different properties of rocks, which would melt in acid rain, which are tough and which I could use as a substitute for Sodium Chloride incase I needed some salt in my soup.

Not forgetting the stupid Accounting test.

Accounting is easy to understand, but the lecturer likes to set hard exams. She likes to think of herself as "The Big Cheese"(because she can do whatever the hell she wants, and also because she's physically bigger than anyone else in the lecture hall)

But there is always a rainbow after every storm. There's a pot at the end of it, but it aint filled with gold. Oh whatever could be in it?(Hint : Refer back to last 4 pictures)

First, I had to clear up the garbage which was accumulating in my trash bin.

My roommate and me have an agreement, whoever cant tolerate the foul smell more, will have to throw the trash away. I lost this time. But with my newly purchased squirt bottle of Febreeze, I'm confident of taking the trophy next time round.

Next, it was off to Walmart to stock up on "Happy Juice".

The healthcare here may be expensive, but thank god some things are still dirt cheap. They probably keep the prices of Alcohol down, as it is as much of an Educational Aid as Books are in any college. My "Wingmen" for Operation - Abstinence were Michael "Malibu" Minnaert and Manan "Absolut" Shah. They kept the car running, while I detoured through the cashier with my 21 Year old ID.

On our way home to stash the "Happy Juice", we had to be careful of people who might want our "Happy Juice", because they were too young to get their own.

You'll never know where they may come from and jump you when you least expect it.

We also had to weed out certain Traitors in our midst.

Our Wingman "Absolut" just didnt want to fork out any lousy moneys for the Team, so we had to dispose of him.

Then, the after-exam parties(well deserved) started...
Not in order of which they occured:

We had a Mid Autum Festival celebration, where we invited random people to a room, fed them Mooncakes, Tea and Tea Eggs, and played games.

Games which involved me having to hang upside down for a minute(sure, bully the poor chinese kid)

We went to an Asian Frat Party.

It kinda blew... Sticking to old chinese businessman traditions, the Chinese dudes that ran the party decided to charge a few bucks per drink, which was silly cos the next door party was giving Happy Juice away free flow.
Note to self : Dont go to Chinese guy parties, else all your moneys will belong to them.

We also had some fun at The Canopy Club.

One of our friends was putting up a kick ass dance(hip hop) that night at the club, so we went to support her. The Clubs and Bars here all close at 2am, because the owners know that all the students have to go home n get some rest, so they'll be ready for church the next day.

It was also someone's birthday sometime, so we went to celebrate it at his house(Its his birthday and he has to cleanup his house after that, hmm...)

House parties are much more fun(and cheaper) than clubbing or Frat parties, because its people you know and the drinks are on the house(birthday boy).

Of course the birthday boy wouldnt mind cleaning up after us and giving us lots of drinks.

All that doesn't matter when his world is spinning around and he has the sudden urge to talk about his inner most deepest feelings to everyone.

After getting really high, we went to Joe's Bar/Pub/Club/Whatever he wants to call it, to make use of all the alcohol in our system.

Because we were kinda tipsy, we managed to blend in with the incoming/outgoing crowd and sneak in for free. Now thats something a Cheapo-Singaporean can be proud of, getting alcohol, clubbing and cake, all without paying a cent.

On my way home that night, I met this weird dude on the street, who claimed he would one day surpass 50 Cent and Dr Dre..

He gave me a live demo of his rapping, it went something like :
Something something I smoke Weed with my dog...
Something something something.. house and a log....
something something Bling Bling...
something something something bitches, hoes and 22" Rims...

Upon hearing his natural talent for making up nursery rhymes that would give a preschooler nightmares for life, I quickly took a picture with him, incase one day he becomes famous.

As for my roommate, he made it back to the dorm in one piece too, but he decided that it was in his best interest, to sit down in the toilet for a while before going to bed.

To Mummy : Dont worry, the studying happened within a 7 day period, whereas the other stuff all occured within a 3 day period, so looking at it statistically, the study-play ratio is quite good. Don't worry ok? I miss you and daddy very much.
Can you send me money?(kidding!)

Boring life

2005-09-19T23:15:00.000-07:00

Nothing much has happened the past week or so on my life... Well, theres nothing much to do anyway, in the middle of 2 cornfields(This isnt just an expression, the surrounding areas are really filled with corn).

But for what did happen, here's a pictorial report.

Sometime last weekend,
I went to a Tailgate party.

For those of you who don't know what the hell that is...
It occurs when many people drive their big trucks and SUVs to a random grass patch near a football game. They deploy their Trucks and SUVs(Deploy, as in take out the beer and BBQ) and start drinking n cooking saussages. All this starts at 8am in the morning. So instead of tea, toast and eggs over easy, you get "Beer, Balls and lotsa meat"(which also happens to be the word definition for an "All American Breakfast").

We had a fire alarm go off last week saturday night(4.30am).. Basically everyone who comes back drunk has a 10% chance of pulling a firealarm off just for the heck of it. Since everyone in the block comes home drunk on saturday nights, thats 1000x10% = 10000% chance of getting a fire alarm pulled on a Saturday night.
And like any fire drill, everyone has to gather downstairs while the nice firemen go and turn off the alarm.

Indians keep coming into my room, so me and my roommate had to dispatch them, death by beer-stained beanbag.

Ben N Jerrys is dirt cheap. Which results in us buying truckloads to eat before we sleep... mmm.. Protein...

We went apple plucking few days ago at the nearby Orchard..

The rule is, you can go in and eat whatever apples you can, but u pay for whatever you bring out.

Most apples were green and we couldn't tell which were sweet and which were not, so we just ended up throwing them around.

My inability to eat apples due to my bracers has forced me to retire into the Pumpkin Fields for the rest of the day, while everyone else throws apples around.

To my roommate :
I missed you during the weekend, so i got random people to come and sleep in our room, cos i was lonely. I drank some of your orange juice too.

ok, im tired from studying for my accy test. so i'll go to bed now... ugh...

a distorted reality is now a neccesity to be free

2005-09-15T09:18:00.000-07:00

Okay, hands up anyone who can think of a stupider idea than this gem from NUS.
Next week is a mid term break, according to NUS its 5 days, and according to NUS 5 days means sunday to thursday. (I'm not even going to gripe about how they count sunday as one day since obviously we're getting this break out of the graciousness of their big loving heart.) So anyway, school starts again on friday, what this means in NUS land is that now the week is from friday to thursday. The way i see it, either (1)NUS has developed a new calendar system this is so totally going to blow the existing one to smithereens, or (2)they're fucking idiots.
I choose 2.

Huh ?

2005-09-08T10:17:00.000-07:00

Huh ?
My 3 months in Sweden can be described as a big hazy memory. Lets try to start from the beginning.

5 June 2005 GMT +1 16:40

After making a landing at Sweden Arlanda Airport, we head off to make some necessary purchases of supplies.

just to show that I'm not just looking to get drunk, we have the wine section at only 12% - 20%, for the pussy drinkers. Swedish people have warehouses of alcohol which they call Systembolaget, which is actually Swahilli for "oh happy days". Don't ask me why Swedish people speak Swahili. Wait, what ?

9 June 2005 GMT +1 11:40
I wake up and discover its the 9th of June and I'm in Finland. Haha, no, I'm just kidding, I'm in Sweden. Wait, huh ? And I have big hangover, so i do what most Swedish people do to get rid of headaches, swim in lakes.

And then here I am again, obviously high. On life that is !

15 June 2005 GMT +1 3:00
I start work and then I have my first tea break at the office. But instead of tea, its beer. And instead of office, its happy land !

1 July 2005 GMT +1 11:40
I realise my furniture is sticky with alcohol so I have to get new easily alcohol resistant crap. For that, there is always Ikea.

Basically the inside of that Ikea is like a department store in Singapore, but instead of department store, its Sentosa. what ?

After helping to drag home that damned ironing board the chinaman HAD to buy, we had dinner. And by dinner, I meant a kilogram of meatballs. fuck the spaghetti.

I also managed to buy a cheap form of transportation around Stockholm.

no, its actually this.

no, I actually meant I travel around in this.

Unknown, Unknown ????
I met some people somewhere to have something to eat, I think. I'm not sure though, although heres a picture to prove it. hmmmm....

Heres a picture of what 2 chinaman would look like in the middle of Stockholm City.

No, that doesn't fit at all. Oh ya, the whole of stockholm has been frozen in time since the rule of Frederick the Drunk IIVVXXII. There are no sky scrapers or whatever, its just those buildings at the back, EVERWHERE. I guess its supposed to be beautiful or something, but huh ? what ?

ok, moving on. I think I have more crap, but I'll update whenever again. But I'll leave you with this picture, which will speak volumes about my next addiction.

Show face

2005-09-08T02:06:00.000-07:00

Chicken has successfully carried out a very real hostile takeover of Dafansu.com. In fact, he probably gets so bored with staring at all that corn/spastic chinese student/naked white guys that unless he overblogs, he would be EXTRA SPICY BBQ Corn Chicken (ONLY $9.95, $12 with fries) instead of the more esoteric heavenly drain water chicken.

So I have decided to show face to our foursome (I think Mr Man has died from either drug overdose or choked on a meatball somewhere) and blog at least once a month so they wont assume I choked on a Kangaroo somewhere.

Anyway, nothing much is happening to me. Simply because there isnt much happening period. I am studying, eating, sleeping and the cycle of mind-numbing boredom continues... in a cycle that never ends like in Elton Johns song with that over-sized cat.

Anyway, just to show I am alive, I decided to enclose another photo of me and my flatmate's friends. It was supposed to be a singaporean BBQ thing *but* we went late and the food was on the extreme side of oily (kinda reminds me of changing engine oil). So went hiked on to this restaurant where we had some more decent food which didnt taste of Premium 98 unleaded (ok ok, i know thats petrol, I dont memorize what engine oil i use)

Anyway, here is a pic of me and my newfound friends (all of whom are singaporeans) which might not be very interesting to you readers in singapore but im sure Chicken cant wait to get all the asian faces he can.

I hope everyone is happy, the apartment is taking some time cause I dont have a camera. Will post after mid-sessions!!!

Groundbreaking News!

2005-09-07T08:35:00.000-07:00

Everyone hates america. Its a known fact. Thats why planes accidentally fly into buildings and terrorists cast hurricane spells at them. Hey, even they hate themselves, that's why there's Team America and Fahrenheit 9/11. Now, i have more conclusive prove that everyone hates the america!

See? Obviously its some terrorist plot to deny americans the knowledge of linear algebra.
And its not just a muslim extremist thing, its international!

Chicago

2005-09-05T10:02:00.000-07:00

Chicago is a beautiful place.. If you ever thought of going on a road trip with one of your friends who is overseas studying in Illinois, Chicago is the place to go...

If you compare the streets of Chicago to the Streets of New York, you would be able to see a remarkable difference in the "walkability"...

The streets are surprisingly clean for a crowded American city.. So much so, that even the hobos actually sat on the floor to beg for moneys(unlike the hobos in NY, who had to stand around instead of sitting, as the floors were uninhabitable even by cockroaches)

Having a squeaky clean city comes at a price. You pay thru your nose when you park your car anywhere near a pretty sidewalk.

But of course, that wouldnt be a problem for some people, cos their cars can't even fit into the carparks.

That and the fact that their cars are worth more than the GPA of some developing countries.

Of course, nothing beats our ride, the Ford E250 Ecoliner.

Older than my pet turtle, these beasts are equiped with all the odor absorbing seat fabrics one could ever need. The smell of alcohol lingered with us throughout the whole trip. It felt as if my roommate was next to me the whole time.

Like any Singaporean who has been eating cheese and burgers for the past few weeks, we headed straight to Chinatown for some good ol fake chinese food made by ABCs.

The chicken may be hard, the mango pudding may be tasteless, but we needed some rice, and Yao Yao Asian Cuisine would suffice.

Of course, I requested that we try some of the alternative foods avalable,

but being a crowd who have never watched "Harold and Kumar" before, they quickly dismissed my suggestions. ..They Only know the Kumar from The Boom Boom Room...

In Chicago, big companies are king... Apparently they earned enough money's by selling cheap products at jacked up prices.. So much so, that they can even build Ferris Wheels to entice little kiddies to come play on it, at the same time, making the little kiddies buy their crap...

Kinda like Michael Jackson and his Neverland Ranch...

Hot sauces are a hit in Chicago... Some resturants have even resorted to stocking their tables with every single hot sauce known to man(to them anyway). Tabasco, green Tabasco, "Extra Strength" Tabasco... They even have funny names like "Ass in tub of water hot sauce", "Buns at the beach sauce" and "Flaming Cheeks GradeA Hot Sauce"...

This is a pic of all the sauce bottles on ONE table.. I kid you not...
As much as I like to choose what colour of Tabasco sauce I'd like on my 1 pound steak, its comforting to know that in Singapore, most resturants manage to combine all these sauces into one potent bottle...

Thus saving us time on deciding what fancy-named sauce should accompany our dead cow tonight.

Few months ago, I remember my uncle(who travels often to the States) and my cousin(who studies in Australia), talk about something thats better than Dunkin' Dounts.. I couldnt remember what it was.. But 4 Dollars and a sore throat later, I finally remembered what it was...

They come in all shapes/sizes/flavours...
Now these are not ordinary doughnuts...

Look closely at the picture...
Notice a thin layer of sugar coating around each doughnut?
Apparently the doughnuts are sugar-treated with a sore-throat-inducing icing formula which brings the calorie count of each doughnut up to a whopping 360 calories per pop...

Every country has its own national treasure...
Singapore has the Ice Kachang
Malaysia has the Ramly Burger
Japan has the Skyline GTR 35(According to Jay Zhou in InitialD - The Movie)
America has Krispy Kremes

DOCTOR'S WARNING : Failure to drink lots of water after consumption of Krispy Kremes will result in Sore Throat and Mild Depression triggered by inability to consume more Krispy Kremes.

Drunk Test - Purt 2

2005-09-01T22:50:00.000-07:00

err... pictures.... ... from here..... to there...

Today is Thursday.. The americans call it Thirsty Thursday(go figure)...
Friday and saturday nights arent enough, so they have to add one more night just for the heck of it...

Anyway.. back to the basics... This is my room(Before pimping)...

its boring...clean floor... so much wasted space... But after $80 at Walmart and a trip back to my roommate's home, we managed to pimp up the room quite abit...

Fake Grass carpet to play golf on - $13
"Illinois" Bean Bag - $25
Surround Sound Speakers - $32
Lava Lamp - $10
Posters of Half Naked Girls - $4
Extra TV, HiFi, Microwave, Fridge and 2 more bean bags - Roommate's house

I left my study table empty thou.. thats how i did my accounting homework before thirsty thursday...

This is my closet... I brought my signature "messy style" over friom Singkapore..
Can you spot the hidden Jim Beam?

And of course, my room isnt complete without my Roommate.

He normally just sits down and stones, unless I give him some Alcohol to drink.. Then he wears his cap crooked and makes swishing noises with his mouth..(I'm guessing the noises signify how fast he's going to get piss drunk)

Heres a picture of random ang mohs that smelt the alcohol coming out of our room and came in for some.

From Left to Right...

Michael(My Roommate,wearing his cap crooked), Ross(Katie's Friend), Katie(Ross's Friend), Super Cool Asian Guy(Super Cool Asian Guy), Kelvy(Michael's friend)

Here's a random picture of Walmart.

100 times larger than the biggest Supermarket in Singapore, they sell everything from Bananas to Shotguns... Notice the ceiling? there is no end to it.. Some say, if you continue to walk in a Srtaight line thru Walmart, eventually you will reach back to the same point you started from. There is no Beginning. There is no end. There is only Walmart.

This is the Bus i take to school everyday

It seldom comes on time.. and at certain times of the day, it doesn't come at all.. Stats show, that most traffic accidents in my school area were caused by busses hitting people. They are a force to be reckoned with. They are the law in this town.

We get served buffet breakfast, lunch and dinner every day of the week... non stop... forever and ever and ever....

The Dining hall staff try their best to make the Freshman 15(Freshmen all gain 15 pounds at the start) a reality. As you can see, they are doing a good job... As Singaporeans cannot stay away from buffets..

Drunk test - Part 1

2005-09-01T18:28:00.000-07:00

Heres a cool test.. I'm gonna post 3 times today... Once now, when I had two Bacardi, once when I had alot of Bacardis and once when I had too many Bacardis... And we'll see the difference...

Right now..
These are the brands of cars i can name in 1 minute

Ford
Dodge
Mitsubishi
Nissan
Honda
Honda
Chrysler
Proton
Fiat
Honda
Creative
BMW
Mercedes
Volvo
Mini
Fisher Price
Honda

Lets see what happens later...

To The Masturbating Monkey, With Love

2005-08-24T21:44:00.000-07:00

Hello Mr Masturbating-Monkey-Who-Laughed-At-Me-Cos-Im-Going-To-A-University-
In-The-Middle-Of-2-Corn-Fields

I have only one thing to say,

The Assembly Hall is 5 minutes away from my dorm.

its a hit.

2005-08-24T06:07:00.000-07:00

It's official! I have the worlds worst tutorial group evah in da whole widest world. The tutor is a china woman who mumbles to herself in her china english with a fullstop in between each word. Now, she's not mumbling anything useful mind you, she's just dictating (badly) whatever is on her answer sheet, which she will then proceed to write on the board in a handwriting only slightly better than mine. If anyone still doesn't understand, this is my handwriting.

Now add the slightly better.
Hell, if i had the answer sheet i could do a better job than her for sure.

With all this complaining about the tutor, you would be think that she's what makes the tutorial bad. Heh. That would be just too easy. Throw in a china student who wasted half the time asking the most dumbass question in his china english that, hard as it may be, is actually even worse than the tutor's. And i mean DUMBASS question. Like REALLY DUMBASS question.
It was pure torture i tell you, i was sitting right opposite the dumbass china guy and i spent the whole lesson trying not to laugh out loud in his face. Had to pretend to blow my nose more than once.

Words alone cannot describe the pure agony of that tutorial. Good thing i'm a fucking genius or i wouldn't understand a thing.

New York

2005-08-21T21:48:00.000-07:00

New York is a beautiful place. Lots of cars.. Lots of people.. Lots of buildings that look like they wanna crumble any moment.. Basically its like Orchard Road, just much angrier... and dirty...

The good thing about New York, is the way the roads were designed. The entire city is filled with road intersections, ensuring traffic jams at all places all times of the day. Perfect for Taxi drivers who set their meters to jump at 40cent intervals when waiting for the traffic to move.

New York taxis are protected by this magical sheet of plastic with a hole in the centre. Necessary to protect drivers from muggers(or angry Singaporean tourists who can't believe how fast the meter jumps)

Its either Khawaja I-Bring-You-Down-To-Chinatown-For-$60 Anwar the Taxi driver, or..... the NYC Subway, which hasnt been renovated since the first World War.

Most of the subway is falling apart, instead of fixing it, they found it more effective to build a whole new line running next to the old one.. So commuters can have fun changing from line to line.. They just block off the broken line with a roll of yellow tape which stops all but the most determined of old ladies who may accidentally wander into them.

Either that, or you walk the streets of New York.. But with a traffic light crossing every 50m, you won't get very far on your 2 feet...

But new York aint all that bad.. There are tons of interesting places to go to..
ike The Metropolitian Museum of Fine Art...

Shown here in all its under-construction glory.

The museum is actually very very big.. It houses lotsa stuff from all sorts of cultures and people.. From pornographic statues from Amsterdam

To Chairs from Ikea(Sweden)

The museum's art pieces come from all over the world.

Then theres the Empire State Building. One of the taller buildings in NYC, it is a hub for tourists who can't wait to get ripped off.

Where inside, suckas are treated to a 2 hour wait, with fellow suckas alike, to pay US$15 to take the elevator up. Those who wist to cut their waiting time to 1 hour, may purchase the $30 tickets, which makes the staff close one eye while they cut ahead of the croud.

Once at the top of the building, suckas are treated to a spectacular view of NYC, covered in smog..

All this, still in the company of fellow suckas

Ground Zero, the place where the World Trade Centre once stood, is also a good place to go.. The spot where the world trade centre once stood, has been replaced by some sort of memorial..

The mood around the site remains solemn. So much so, that locals and tourists alike, all gather around it to pay respect with their cameras.

The site still remains a mess.

But fueled by the memories of those that lost their lives here once,
the good citizens of New York are slowly, but surely, building another target for terrorists to aim.

Like every major city, a Chinatown was created in New York for all the chinese to go and dirty up. Chinatown here was just like any other chinatown. Crowded and dirty, every shop looks like they'll take all your moneys away once you step in.

Nothing special. We got sick of it in less than an hour. Its just like the rest of New York, just with smaller buildings(to accomodate the smaller sized chinese).

We ended up eating at this small chinese restaurant, where we got a plate of fried rice for 8 US dollar.. Make you hollar...

We forgot to leave a tip, cos the service was bad, and they came chasing after us. That was probably the fastest they came to our service.

Anyways, that was one of the only few times we got to eat rice, cos most of New York is fueled by various sandwich joints, which serves nothing but sandwiches.

When I say sandwich, I mean Meat, with abit of bread to go with it.

Overall, New York is a pretty cool place.. It is enjoyable to visit, but not too many times.. My University amidst the fields of corn is by far, the most enjoyable place to be. As soon as i get over the fact that carrying a camera and going around taking pictures of everyone would get me beaten up, i will post pics of my campus and its surroundings(no prize for guessing what surrounds it).

8 Fever

2005-08-19T02:01:00.000-07:00

I was wondering for a period of time why I started blogging then attributed it to Jihad extremists and how I like to eat Nasi Brani and the assorted prata associated dishes. We did start blogging a few months after 9/11 so for lack of any more intellectual grounds, I linked lousy airplane flying skills with my love for Malay cuisine to justify what is essentially a way for 4 singaporeans in 4 different countries to compete on who has the more spastic blog entry.

My life has been for lack of a better descriptive, like chicken's Honda Accord... smashed. I deny having hit anyone so hard it made a motorcycle dude's balls go blowfish on his ass but I guess you can get the general idea. I like to hint at what is going on in my life in vague generalisations so only basically chicken would have an idea on whats going on... and even then, I think he just skims it over and gets back to his anime in record time.

-Boring life details, skip to bottom for MAD RX-8 PICS complete with Female UNSW undergrad!!!

While listening to the couple have sex upstairs my new apartment, I review my life as it is, like bad cooking complete with the corpse of one self-immolated pan-fried cook or maybe just too many big mistakes which dont make any sense when made and only becomes apparant later.... hindsight is 20/20 (or 6/6 for us metric system freaks). So thus far for this winter holidays, I have changed the dynamics and maybe even violated one friendship through what I can only describe as chauvinistic weakness and thoughtlessness. It can be said that mistakes of my sort requires reciprocation to even make it a proper mistake but I disagree in all entirety. Does maturity lend responsibility? Or does experience play a larger part?

By trying to improve what I perceived as myself, I think I lost a bigger part of what I already perceive myself as. I think I need to obtain Enigma's "return to innocence" from somewhere, chicken, could u email it to me if ya got it? Thanx. I know it wont really work but at least I wont go stir crazy thinking too much abstractly.

-End of Boring life details, lets get to what I was doing this Hols!!!!

THATS RIGHT! Basically the clincher for me to come back to Singapore!!! 1.3 L Mazda RX-8 AT!!! I think I had driven that most wonderous automobile most of the time I was back, I only recall 2 days when I didnt drive it, the day I came back and the day I drove daddy goat's Merc. I drove it so much I achieved my earlier professed objective to burn up one small fossilised dinosaur. But that damn thing handles so freakin well, it was like trying to outrun a greased up irishman with one too many mugs of stout.

I really dont have any pics on me in Aus of the RX-8 in the garage so I had to get it off me friend Lorraine (Big Shout out to ya!!!). FYI, its the carpark basement of the esplanade off to the left where these were taken, I suppose it could be more picturesque but that was like the afternoon before my flight so time was limited (unless of course you keep at 7000 rpm and piss premium 98 unleaded).

I can recall some good times in that car which I will list here.
1) The time I almost gave Mrs Cow a heart attack when I squeezed past a bus and a car while driving her to the gay bar where Mr Cow was. (I dont ask, I just say it so it sounds scandalous)
2) Driving up SMU (to do Mr Cow's enrolment) playing mad indian music while getting stares from passers-by and making the security guard think Vishnu was about to go Prata on his ass.
3) Driving my grandma to the polyclinic in Bukit Merah and getting MORE stares from other vehicles.
4) Just sitting in it and pretending I was driving it when waiting for assorted individuals whom I was driving around.

Fine, im a car-whore. What can I say? Cars hurt me less than the cartload of shit I have experienced this year. Thats my RX-8 entry, wait up for my Maroubra apartment entry which I can probably get when I pirate another wireless internet signal.

Hello

2005-08-11T11:03:00.000-07:00

Hello, I didn't really write anything the past few days cos i was busy packing for my trip tomorrow..(in a few hours). In fact, I still have lots to do, its 2 AM and yet im still typing rubbish here.. oh well.. I'll make it short...

I spent most of my time, trying to stuff all this stuff,

Into these 2 dingy bags...

During my Army life, squashing my clothes into little ziplock bags and taking them in and out and in and out of my field pack while a lowly educated buffoon(who has been given more power than he can handle) screams at me, has thaught me one thing... That you can vacuum pack just about anything if you try hard enough...
They don't call me pack-rat-choo for nothing. In fact, they don't call me that. Don't ever call me that.

The only thing i couldnt vacuum pack, was my laptop(pictured here, next to a normal laptop, to give u an idea, of just how huge it is)

I'm leaving for the states. Bye Bye. Will Be back in December I think.

I will miss everyone, but most of all, my parents...

If anyone has any problems, go to him.

As long as you give him Sesame seed balls with yam paste in them, he'll do just about anything for you(except eat them).

ph33r!

2005-08-06T08:04:00.000-07:00

I need Singapore Prices

2005-08-03T04:16:00.000-07:00

Can anyone give me these prices of the stuff below, real ones from Sim Lim. I have colleagues who want to buy. The prices in Sweden are much more expensive I think, but I have no idea what the prices are like in Singapore, cos I dont give a crap about digital cameras. So I call upon the great wisdom of the Chicken who knows all about prices of digital cameras to tell me.

Canon PowerShot S2 IS
Sony DSC-H1
Panasonic Lumix DMC-FZ5

Memorycards? Kingston 512/1024 fast ones.

There's nothing to do in the night

2005-08-02T10:16:00.000-07:00

I never sleep before 3 every night.
But what do I do late in the night, every night?
I seriously don't know.
I think I'm just staying awake for the sake of staying awake.
Well, of course I DO try to find something to do once in a while.
Take tonight for example...

12.50PM
Brush teeth.. Struggle to get rubberbands in mouth in/out(stupid bracers)

1.00AM
Sit down and stare at my komputer.. Trying to decide what to do for the next hour or so...

Ignore the wallpaper of a man's face, I don't know how it got there.

1.10AM
Get bored of staring at wallpaper, decide to go download stuff...
Take note, I only download from legit sites like www.download.com.
And I only download informative stuff.

(Bittorrent? Whats that? Never heard of it...)

1.30AM
Realize that downloading from Legit sites is boring, so decide to log on to MSN, see who's online and just as bored as me.. Then I meet my old nemesis...

Kang Gay : Choo Choo!

Me : Hello Kang Gay...

Kang Gay : Choo Choo! What you doing Choo Choo?

Me : Nothing much Kang Gay...

Kang Gay : Choo Choo! I need some help with my computer...

*silence*

Kang Gay : I changed my desktop wallpaper to something which I thinked was nice, but it not really me so I wan to change back.. but I donno how to...

*more silence*

Kang Gay : Choo Choo, are you there?

Kang Gay : Choo Choo?

Kang Gay has sent you a Nudge!

Kang Gay has sent you a Nudge!

Kang Gay has sent you a Nudge!

2.00AM
MSN was too much for me to handle, so I logged off for some peace and quiet.

2.15AM
I was bored to death, so I used GOOGLE to search for the word "stuff" and it brought me to a site called www.howstuffworks.com... Its really a treasure trove of information that would keep even the most knowledgeable of knowledgeables(really smart people) busy for hours.

2.30AM
I got bored and went to sleep.

Whats going on?

2005-07-26T11:13:00.000-07:00

DAFANSU CHALLENGE

Can you tell what the manly man in the picture is demonstrating?

Post your answer in the comments section with your name and answer and stand a chance to win a mucho big prize, and it aint going to be just a picture with potatoes pasted on... Once you see the picture, please send in an answer. If you do not, you will have 10 years of bad luck, and your e-mail(remember to give us your e-mail too) would be bombarded with lots of e-mails which end off with retarded threats(just like this one) like "If you don't forward this e-mail to 20 people within 24 hours, your bunny rabbit will die"...

Here are some clues which lead to the above mentioned picture...

1) It was teken in a Gay club

2) There were many funny stains on the cushions where we sat

3) The Manly Man in the picture had to use Halal Toothpaste to cleanse his mouth after everything

Good luck to all...

Random Blog Update

2005-07-21T09:33:00.000-07:00

I have nothing to write here, cos I have an eventless life. Thats how it goes in Singapore. Eventless... And I don't forsee it getting any more interesting after I move to the Cornfields in a few weeks time.
I've been listening to an hour(1 hour too much) of Crazy Frog Music

and need to vent my frustrations online for the world to see even though im so tired cos i spent the whole day walking around looking for a suit to buy. I's be needing a suit when I's be ploughing thru the cornfields in America. My writing style has been reduced to that of a Primary 6 student writing a "My memorable day" essay for his PSLE examination.

Before i begin, here's a short video entitled "Driving around SMU in an RX-8 with the windows down while blasting indian music and watching other people check us out"
You can download the 7mb file here

Here are random pictures and random thoughts...

Alcohol is good. It makes you wanna dress up as Elvis(or Micheal Jackson, if you've had more than enough to drink) and throw toilet paper rolls at your neighbour's favourite mango tree. It makes you let go of your worries, gives you a whole set of new ones to think about. It leaves a burning sensation in your mouth(it you've got ulcers like me) after you drink it. Its the closest thing to drugs thats legal in Singapore. Doesn't it suck, that alcohol tastes soooooo bad? Beer tastes like cat's piss, Vodka smells like superglue and the stuff the Horny Goat brought back from Australia tasted like alcohol wipes.
Alcohol also enhances your vision...

It blurs your vision, making the ugliest of girls look "above average"

It also makes you see things..

I couldv sworn it was the clown from Stephen King's 1990 Ronald MacDonald Horror flick, IT, that offered me another drink. Hell, after that drink, the clown started running circles around me. I wished he would stop.... It hurt my head...

Confucius say, be at one with your spirit and you will wrap toiletpaper around yourself, put on a yellow helmet, sunglasses and play the guitar.

Confucius also say, if you have online blog, don't post stoopid pictures of yourself being stoopid, or the whole world will know you are stoopid, stoopid...

Reality catches up to us. It always does. Not even 60% alcohol can drive your misery away. It just gives you a bad headache and a chance to explain yourself. Heres a Dafansu top tip. If you're feeling down and out, don't blow a week's pay on expensive drinks at clubs/pubs. Do it duty free at home and you'll still have enough money leftover the next day for a box of panadol, a nice meal at Yoshinoya and a Taxi ride home.

I'm going to sleep now.

we are not dunjkkk agian

2005-07-16T13:58:00.000-07:00

hellki0io.....,. we are hjaVNGI FUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN
IM A SLAaaaaave fro u6
we

i cant denuy it.. i cannniot control itttt..
i nerede sexxx
XXX freeoo pr0nxxx

IOIIIIIIOIO
Jian haaaao stiul louv Whinneie
i LOVE$S tiggger
wo shi ren
ni shi dian ni shi guan

jkXDao zHUi luvswe Catheruine

untitled as yet

2005-07-15T07:06:00.000-07:00

Of trains and aeroplanes
The one thing i hate about living in singapore, one thing i really hate is that there's no where to escape to. See, the problem with singapore is that if you want to go any where by land your only choice is through malaysia. I just finished reading The Catcher In The Rye, and i sort of got inspired to just up and go somewhere for a while, just a few days. Figured i could squeeze out 4 or 5 days these few weeks before i have to be in school. The problem being, theres really nowhere to go to. All i could think of was malaysia or thailand. I dont really want to go to malaysia again cause there isnt really all that much to do, especially since i was just there about a month or so ago. Thailand would be okay i guess, but if i were to go, my preferred mode of transport would be by train, and i figure one and a half days of travel would be too much without some stops in between, and i don't have all that much time to loll around. Sure i could take a plane, but i really detest how airlines always advertise their dirt cheap prices which turn out to be not so dirt cheap by the time you add in the taxes. Besides, i hate to have to go through all that trouble with customs and security and all just to get stuffed in a little chair for an hour or two. A big country like america or china or australia would be different, just choose a direction and go.

Of Bright Eyes and Blinding Lights
I must say i have totally lost all faith in gramaphone at this point. Bout a month or so back i realised that one of the albums at gramaphone was actually cheaper in hmv (Bloc Party to be exact). Devastated to say the least. But just the other day, i was at hmv looking around, and as usual, i found a few cds i wanted to get and all. So i thought i'd go over to gramaphone to have a look at the prices there, see if i could get them any cheaper. And boy was i disappointed. There were about 4 or 5 albums i had my eye on, and i could not find a single one that was cheaper at gramaphone. And to top it all off, their second hand section has really just rotted off into cash converters standards. I suppose i'll just stick to buying from hmv or borders since they're already too far gone as corporate evils to change. Maybe gramaphone will get the hint and start doing something. Of course, hmv still overprices stuff ($30 for a Bright Eyes cd!!!) but i'll just have to live with that.
Sure, i know some people will say just download it, but i like to buy some cds every now and then, sort of the collector kind of mentality. Not that i'm against p2p and filesharing and all that stuff, quite contrary, i'm all for it, though my preference lies in downloading live stuff or the stuff that i won't buy either way. So the RIAA and friends can take their bullshit about illegal downloading hurting the music industry and shove it up their collective asses.

Of man and machine
By mid of next month, all the other goons on this little blog will be in some other country (hey we're all going to be in different continents!), kinda like that local tv show the big unknown, but different. Can't tell you how it'll be different though since i never actually watched it. And i will be in dear old soc. Kinda dread having to go to soc. Not that i'm worried about studies, i'm quite sure i can ace it, i just don't want my whole life to revolve around computers. At least i'm not too hot on computer games.
The problem with studying in a singapore university is all the breadth and general education crap we have to take. What good will it do me to waste time taking modules in stuff totally unrelated to what i'm studying? Is it supposed to make me a more sophisticated person? A better conversationalist? Will i be a better person? Hell, if i'm interested in something i can very well look it up on my own without being forced into it. I wouldn't mind taking some stuff on literature or film or something, the interest is there, but i'd probably just flunk everything. If you ask me, books, music, film, they're just meant to be enjoyed. Analysing it just takes the fun out of everything.

Of pop culture and the media cartel
How is it that we allow ourselves to be bombarded time and time again with such media bull shit? I'm talking about movies, tv, music and the like. Just take a look at the rubbish playing in cinemas these days. You got the brainless plotless action flicks, the clichéd romantic comedies, the horror movies with a few shocks and nothing else, the feel good shows 'based on a true story'. Cinema has become so predictable save for the rare few that keep our hopes alive (Sin City is not bad..). Radio is really no better, all that is played is whatever the major labels tell them to. Sure, people request all that pop crap, but do they really have much choice when that is all they are exposed to? What about independent acts or local music? There used to be shows on radio that played that stuff, albeit only an hour or so a week, but it all got canned a long time ago. There is a whole shitload of credible artistes putting out a ton of amazing stuff, and all we get to listen to are repeats of teen starlets singing whatever the hell thay sing about and pop punk bands pretending to be angry. On to tv. Simply put, tv has gone to hell. I like tv, i really do, but i'm hard pressed to find any show that isn't just a remake of something shown last season. That, or it's some reality show with all the pretentious phonies living out their scripted lives. And mtv, well thats just the same as the radio but with pretty visuals. Heck, the only thing i still watch nowadays are cartoons. (Family Guy is always good.)
Well, at least theres still the internet. Just pray that the big corporations and their lawsuits stay the hell away.

So much bad luck

2005-07-11T07:13:00.000-07:00

I've been having bad luck the past 7 days... Things just keep going wrong... This is why I didn't update the blog for such a long time... This is why I didn't pick up your calls the other day... This is why I didn't go out with you the other day... This is why I'm going to win ToTo/4D very very soon...

Cos my luck has to get better...

1) I trashed the car

I was turning out of my house lane when this happened.
Theres this nice big metal fuse box, conveniently placed at the entrance of my lane. This, along with various other trees and lamposts, create a nice blindspot where motorcycles and various other small easy-to-hit-fast-moving-objects can hide and jump up on you when you least expect it. When I was turning out of my lane, a motorcycle hit me from the right. As a motorcyclist is basically just flesh and bone riding on a small metal frame with the power of 100 horses, he got flung around quite abit. His right knee cap and right testis took quite a beating. I hope he'll be alright. I don't wanna kill off a whole family line.
On my side, I'm lucky my dad could read the future - buying the necessary insurance to cover whatever property he owns from whatever damage I do.
But that does not change the fact that I feel like crap.

2) My orthodontist put rubberbands in my mouth

These damn things have to stay in my mouth 24/7, except for once a night, when i get to take em out to brush that area of my teeth. Now these rubberbands aren't the problem. Its what they are connected to, that is the worst. To connect these rubberbands from the top to the bottom of my mouth, theres some spikes stuck on the inside bottom right of my teeth(molars). These spike's primary function is to hold the rubberbands in place, its secondary function is to pierce into my tongue, making every little tongue movement feel as if im slowly sawing it off.
Its not like tongue movements are common... I mean, I only need to move my tongue when eating, drinking, talking, swallowing and sometimes breathing...

3) They %$#!@!!! recalled me for reservist

Even though I was downgraded(they supposed to medical-board me in june, but they havnt),
even though I applied for disruption due to studies overseas and they accepted it. They still want to call me back for reservist when I'm not in Singapore. Now I have to go to some weird camp(I'm assuming its located somewhere far away from my house, as the SAF loves to make us support Singapore's public transport system) to explain to them, that they are screwed up.

4) My computer monitor didn't want to work anymore

Well, I should have seen it coming. Maybe those hissing sounds it was making lately wasn't part of its "normal operation". Eitherways, this was the main reason I couldn't write any shit here.
I had to spend $490(U.P. $499, $9 Sandy Pussy Discount) to get a new screen. It was a good decision, if I ever wanted to watch "Pimp My Ride" again, with my man X to the Z Xzibit...

"Xzibit", now thats 10 times more gangster than puppy dog names like "Nelly" or "Snoop Doggy Dog".

5) I watched Wet Dreams 2(and I didn't bring alcohol)
I had the chance to watch Fantastic 4, but the Cow aka. Edison(pronounced with a cantonese slang, E1 Di2 Son3) insisted on Wet Dreams 2, on the basis that it was "cool" for 4 guys to watch a show about Underage Korean Girls who want to have sex, together.
Now, although the show does have some saving graces, like

scene with hot underage korean girl working an ice cream stick(picture taken direct from cinema)

scene with stupid korean guy watching hot underage korean girl working an ice cream stick

and scene with hot underage korean girl who worked an ice cream stick, now undressing

The only problem was, I had no alcohol with me in the Cinema(meaning I was sober throughout the whole show, which was painful).

So you see, I've been having day after day of shitty things happen to me. Sucks don't it?
I'm going to buy a few scratch cards tomorrow, and I bloody hell better win something...

Or I'll cry...

phishing for fun and profit

2005-07-10T02:01:00.000-07:00

Dear readers, i am proud to announce that i have received my very first piece of phishing spam!!! yay!!

So, being the obedient intercyberweb user that i am, i did what i was told and followed the link, which led to this login page.

So log in i did. There was no way i would let a little problem like not having an ebay account get in my way. I was forwarded to a form which i dutifully filled up.

Shock turned to horror when i tried to submit the form and was greeted with the error message "ERROR 012: Please enter valid credit card number." I was distressed. Questions rushed through my head. Would i never be able to update my credit card information? What is a valid credit card number? Do i have a credit card?
Drawing upon all my remaining strength, i checked the source code to see what was defined as a valid credit card number according to ebay, leading me to this:
if (form.ccnum.value.length < 15){
alert ("ERROR 012: Please enter valid credit card number.");
return (false);
}
Ah, so a valid number would be anything with more than 15 characters. Greatly relieved, i added a few more digits to my number and happily went along my way. I hope ebay likes me now.

the end.

Im Back

2005-06-29T11:02:00.000-07:00

There are no words to express the immense joy I have to once again get lost again on singaporean roads... nay! singaporean soil! U guys know how to get me if u need me.

I am the 8 that blocks your road, I am the 8 that grabs your parking space, I am the 8 that runs over your girl cause she is too ugly to live. I am the 8. I am the 8 that overtakes you. I am the 8 that takes you places you could only ever go if you get lost. I am the 8 everyone wants to have unless u r rich enough to afford a Porsche Boxter. I am the 8 bearing down on you, your family, your friends and even your doggy.

But thats just the 8. Im sure people would wanna meet up with me cause they miss me? Or not... haha

I love the heat, I love the humidity, I love the greasiness and stickiness and all THAT JAZZ!!! Woohoo... Gimme a holler!

Singapore is in China

2005-06-29T06:10:00.000-07:00

I received a letter in the mail from my future University(of Illinoisssssss)...
It was filled with some useless brochures telling me that the Beds in the States are bigger than the Beds in my country(wherever that may be, they had no idea). So I had to buy expensive designer bedsheets, pillow cases, comforters, towels, bath robes and bunny slippers(all in matching pink!) from them, if I were to avoid freezing to death during the duration of my stay over there.

But what's really interesting, is what's written on the letter itself. Heres a pic of the front of the letter...

Apparently, one of the over-zealous postal workers spotted a big mistake on the Address written on the letter. He noticed the sender only wrote "Singapore", the province. The country was totally left out. So, he took matters into his own hands

by filling out the country at the bottom.

Of course, all chinese come from China, so Singapore must be somewhere in China... Its so obvious...

The Postman's Oath :
NEITHER SNOW, NOR RAIN, NOR HEAT, NOR GLOOM OF
NIGHT STAYS THESE COURIERS FROM THE SWIFT
COMPLETION OF THEIR APPOINTED ROUNDS.

2 more days!

2005-06-25T18:12:00.000-07:00

I know everyone does not want me back cause all we ever do when I am around is think of things to do that involves driving and doing it. But I have changed! I am an international student!!! Now all I want to do is think of food I will miss in Australia and getting Chicken to drive me there while complaining of my Physics test.

So anyway, I spent the day before driving a Ute. Yup a ute. I think because as opposed to singapore, jobs involving menial labour DO goto the locals, they need a fancy name for what is essentially a lorry. Go figure. So anyway, I spent maybe 15ish hours driving that lorry to move stuff for my new apartment which was a ways from where I am currently based. Like the animals would know, I smashed that damn Ute into every tight corner I could find. Unlike my Honda Civic however, the Ute stayed intact even after repeated collisions. Its a ford. Maybe thats why. Im gonna buy me a ford... maybe a focus.

BTW, is anyone gonna surprise me at the airport? Cause if you wanna do it, i think we should co-ordinate so I get surprised at the proper gate. I do recall my brother surprising *us* while we waited at the wrong gate. Cant think.... argh initial photon momentum equals to planck's constant (6.626 x 10^-34) divided by Wavelength... argh...

Back to physics. Get ready to roll btw, I predict long drives while picking up my brother from SAFTI MI...

Your new dictator for life

2005-06-25T07:49:00.000-07:00

Dear loyal readers, i am pleased to announce that i have decided to run for the position of Dictator for Life. Since there is no such position in existence (emperor Lee doesnt count), it will obviously be created just for me. Here is my job description: Rule the country with an iron fist and suffer the love and admiration of my peons.

As part of my election campaign, i am now officially listing my requisite lies which i promise to put into effect once i become your new dictator for life.

1) All water supplies shall be replaced with vodka.

2) Drugs will be legal. Like amsterdam, but better.

3) Indians will be prohibited from walking on roads.

4) All SOC graduates will be given the title of Datuk.

5) Anybody with a camera bigger than mine shall be executed.

6) Super Arang Man will be the new national comic.

Of course, i expect a kingly feast for every meal.

On a mostly unrelated note, i dedicate this comic to Mr Man. Dude, where's the hot swedish chicks pics?

Oh and i got new photos up here.

Mustafa

2005-06-23T08:55:00.000-07:00

Bored? Nothing to do? Just lost your part time job cos the company was in a total mess? Go to Mustafa, where all your dreams come true.
Located somewhere in Serangoon(Singapore is that small, you cant miss it), it is a haven for bargain hunters and fools alike.

Mustafa recently expanded its iron grip to the nearby shophouses to provide the people of Singapore with 24-hour non-stop goodness.

Fun games to play in Mustafa Centre : Find the Expired Food

Mustafa has an entire floor dedicated to groceries. Although finding expired food may sound easy in a place like Mustafa, it can get tricky. Much of their goods are CLOSE to expiry, but just not there yet. It is rumoured, that once food expires, they sacrifice it to the Indian God Vishnu, at the same time praying for guidance during their campaign to take over all 7-Elevens with their own brand of Mini-Mustafas(modeled after Apu and his highly successful Kwik-E-Mart)

It has also been rumoured that they have other ways of getting rid of all their expired food, but they are only rumours.

So the race was on, to see who could find expired food first. Whoever did, would win the grand prize of 4 monies(basically the losers would pay 1 money each to the winner).

Avoiding all sense of logic, we searched through most of the shelves(including the Masala flavoured maggi and dried Chapatti flavoured soups), but to no avail.

The Masturbating Monkey thought he could score in the Dried Parantha section, but he was so wrong. As wrong as a Masturbating Monkey could be.

Along the way, we did manage to find some interesting artifacts worth mentioning. Take this jar of Wha-cha-ma-call-it.

The friendly people at Mustafa have helpfully changed the weight of the product from 70 grams to 110 grams with a ballpoint pen. This was probably done to compensate for the bugs which have since grown in the jar over time, adding to the overall weight of it. That is what i call Customer Service.

After hours(40 minutes actually) of searching all around, we finally found a winner. It came from the most unlikely of places, the dried food section(aren't dried foods supposed to last forever?).

On closer examination, one of the packets of SUNMAID Raisins looked abit suspicious. The expiry dates on the boxes themselves were rubbed off, and a new expiry date was labelled on the outer plastic packaging. Fishy huh?

We took no chances. We quickly called off the contest and declared a winner.

The winner of the DAFANSU SUPER CHALLENGE is none other than, Sunshineeee

Pictured here with his wining find. Despite trying to convince him to use his prize money to actually buy the pack of expired raisins he found, the forces of sanity got the better of him.

The runner up prize goes to Mr Cow, who found this pack of Black Salt from the Medieval ages.

Congratz to Mr Cow, who won a pat on the back(who asked you to be 2nd place? Stupid Cow)

Distraught by his runner up prize, Mr Cow then proceeded to commit suicide by eating a Mustafa Burger from the Mustafa Cafe.

We'll miss you Mr Cow...

Welcome to Cash Converturs!

2005-06-18T19:44:00.000-07:00

A GREAT way to sell your junk! Bring your old expensive stuff to us, we'll give you peanuts for it and sell it for a bomb! Thats the Cash Converturs way. Here are 4 simple steps for you to help us earn more monies.

Clean your trash before bringing it to us, because after we rip them off from you, we wont bother cleaning them before selling it to the next sucker. Everybody(who's a dumbass) knows, the condition of the product largely depends on its exterior condition. So the cleaner it looks, the higher we can jack up the price.

Test your shit first, cos we wont bother testing it much when you give it to us. But don't worry, if the products turn out to be faulty, we won't lose much, cos we won't pay you much anyway. Thats the Cash Converturs way!

Here's a secret. If you bring your accessories to us separately, we will pay you a dollar or 2 for each piece, cos we buy just about anything. But then, if you bring your accessories TOGETHER with the product which it came with, we will claim that the accessories HAVE to go with the main product as a package. We will then pay you for the main product only, while keeping all the accessories(suckas). So.....(trying hard not to laugh my balls off)... Bring all your accessories... *snicker snicker* along... We want your monies...

Basically, most of our customer base consists of really dumb people, the technologically impaired and people trying to get rid of stolen stuff. To avoid having our products combust prematurely in our "customer's" faces, we need to give them manuals to explain why watering their television set doesn't help it run cooler. We cant have all the dumb people dying on us, now can we? Who would buy our trash then?

dafansu.blogspot.com goes to Cash Converturs to sell some stuff, cos we recently for fired from our day job and thus need monies to watch movies at Empress(they raised the prices slightly, times are hard).

Heres what I tried to sell.

(Quoted with prices from last century, to add dramatic effect)
1 Panasonic 3DO Game Console, Price when new - $600+
This used to be the hottest thing in the gaming market(for about 2 months before Sony brought in the Playstation). It was one of the first gaming systems to actually try to incorporate 3-D into games. Although most of the objects in the games were basically just squares with pixels for skin, it still was a giant leap for whiney spoilt brats around the world.

1 Sega Game Gear with TV Tuner, Price when new - $700+
One of the first portable colour gaming systems, it even had a TV tuner attachment to clip on to the device, so you could watch TV on the 9V Power-Guzzling 1.8 Inch Screen. It was so popular last time, that policemen used to carry these around. They had to clip it onto their belts, as they had no space in their shorts pockets.

1 Japanese Thermos Flask, Price when new - $70
Keeps your hot stuff hot, keeps your cold stuff cold. Gives you something more to clean everyday.

1 Steamboat Thingy, Price when new - $30?
Its been used many times over. So it doesn't matter how much they are actually willing to pay for it. Seeing how I treat the Steamboat Pan at Seoul Garden, its a wonder how this one even survived.

2 Random Keyboards, Price when new - Who gives a sh*t?
Ancient dust collectors which I found lying around my house. Various soft drinks have found their way inbetween the keys, but I should think they still work quite well(to a certain extent). I pity the fool who buys this, I pity the fool!

2 "The Incredibles" Skateboards - Found lying around the house
Sum Dum Kid is gonna use this and hurt himself very badly. I don't trust free skateboards with cartoon characters on them, unless its Spongebob Squarepants.

Some Random CDs I could find lying around the house

After waiting 1 and a Half hours in line(There were less then 10 people ahead of me, but they all brought trolleys of trash they found on the floor along the way to Cash Converturs), it was finally my turn. After the Beng at the counter ruffled through my stuff, he typed some stuff into the computer(probably chatting with his Girlfriend, telling her how he's cheating so many people out of their stuff and he needs to repent tonight by having sex with her, Beng Style - Playing Bad Techno while doing it).

Then, for all my prized possessions and hard work, I got this...

20 LOUSY monies for all my stuff and 3 hours of my time(including finding, cleaning and transporting the shit there). I earned more monies in my previous job(pauses for a while, as still emotionally unstable due to loss of job) than here selling my stuff.

Here's a closer look at my "You've Been Had" form.

Cash Converturs, A Brilliant Way to GET CA$H.

RamlY Burger, from Start to Finish

2005-06-12T07:01:00.000-07:00

RamlY burgers are Malaysia's 2nd best product(the 1st being Protons).
Of course, RamlY burgers arent a natural phenomenon, they are man made. The journey from processing plant to toilet bowl is a long and grueling one.

Life starts at the RamlY Processing Plant, hidden deep in the jungles of Malaysia. RamlY workers have signed a contract with the RamlY Executives, stating that if they were to reveal the secret recipe of RamlY burger patties(6 part animal innards, 1 part fingernail dirt) to anyone outside the RamlY Circle of Trust, their "health benefits would expire". Of course, this literally meant their health benefits would be taken away from them. But being the impressionable and dim-witted(being impressionable and dim-witted are criteria for becoming a RamlY worker) crowd they are, they assumed it meant they would be killed.
First, the remains of various farm animals(no preference) are processed into convenient bite-sized patties by big menacing metallic machines. They are then packed into boxes and shipped to roadside stalls all around Malaysia, along with their patented special sauces.

Death comes in 3s. A dark brown sauce(I'll call it Secret X), a light brown sauce(Secret Y) and a white sticky sauce(Secret Z).

Now, Secret X is where the money's at. Its made from 100% natural ingredients, the skin of the Colorado River Toad(Bufo alvarius).

Since centuries ago, Some people have been known to lick these frogs to get high, as a certain chemical they secrete from their skin causes hallucinations. Some people have died after licking these toads. Some people argue that these people deserved to die.

Secret Y is made from a substance banned in most parts of the world, save for the coldest, most remote parts of Mother Russia(anything goes in the coldest parts of Russia). This substance is so secret, I cannot even name it. I shall call it marijuaneeeee, to hide its true identity. Now, marijuaneeeee makes people happy, and thats what the RamlY folks want its customers to be. Happy(especially after they find out the patty they're eating breaks food laws in almost every 1st, 2nd and 3rd world country(except you-know-where)).

Secret Z is the most dangerous of the 3 evils, common household mayonnaise(It makes you FAT. Research has shown that 100% of fat people have been known to die sometime in their lives).

How good a RamlY Burger tastes, largely depends on the person who prepares it. The RamlY Man(There is no real name for the RamlY Burger Man, I just call him The RamlY Man).

Although the RamlY Patty itself is enough to kill a large household pet, it takes skill to combine the Patty, Sauces, Buns, Egg and Vegetables into something so powerful, that once eaten, will elevate the person to a higher state of mind(There are people who equate this feeling to the Nirvana they have been looking for all their lives. Others equate this to the feeling of self-circumcision)

The RamlY process is not simple.

First you have to cook the Bun, Patty and Egg

Then add the various Vegetables

Then add the Secret Sauces

And it is done

This difficult process can only be completed by a trained and skillful individual(anybody who's willing to stand by the road and make burgers). Not to be tried at home. You just cant make it the way they do.

Once bitten into, the RamlY burger should look like so.

The Bun, Patty, Egg and Vegetables all separated in an orderly fashion.
This shows the RamlY burger was made by an official licenced RamlY Man.

Beware of imitations.

The RamlY Burger is to be eaten in all its greatness, in a Styrofoam box, by the roadside.

Our very own REVIEW PAGE

2005-06-06T07:06:00.000-07:00

We now have our very own Review page, dedicated to bringing you the worst the world has to offer. Our first review is of the movie "Unleashed", by Jet Li. Get it while its hot at dafansureview.blogspot.com.

lessons learnt from underage girls

2005-06-03T10:55:00.000-07:00

So, for a few days this week, i went to mt ophir with my cousin and a bunch of girls from the school she teaches in. I must say i learnt lots of interesting things. For example, the two things teenage girls talk about most on hiking trips besides the obligatory complains about the toilet/lack of toilet are 1)their hair and 2)girls they like. Yes, i said girls. Thats cause its an all girls school, which as everyone knows is a breeding ground for lesbianism. All this loud enough to be heard in a 5km radius at ungodly hours in the morning when normal people (i.e. me) are trying not to freeze to death. Though i must admit it was entertaining, except maybe for the woman who was staring at them the whole time in the train.

While we're on the topic of hiking, my cousin and her friend who also went were busy trying to psycho me to go for the odac freshman camp. I was promised lots of chicks who will throw themselves at any guy stupid enough to go. Tempting to say the least. Certainly beats the soc pitch of a naruto camp.

Before i forget, got to say a goodbye to mr man. Enjoy your meatballs and swedish whores. Maybe one day i'll apply to go to the sweden noc as well so i can know the wonders of absolut in the land of ikea.

One last thing, i got a new camera. Bigger, better, and even more manual than before: my brand spanking new Mamiya 528AL

That means i can match chicken in camera quantity, though hes still one 2x lens ahead of me. But hey, my cameras are way more fucking high tech than his lousy pieces of digital waste manufacturing toys.

Finals, thoughts and HOT POT

2005-06-03T06:43:00.000-07:00

Its that time of the year again... to suffer one last bout of sleep deprivation, of caffeine saturation, of 2 weeks of muscle atrophy (minus the writing wrist which instead develops carpel tunnel syndrome) and start memorising everything in sight. Who said university life was different? I was a last minute monkey for my Os, for my Poly, even for my army's ISO audits... I thrive on panic, it makes me acquire the superpower I call "self-preservation". Next week, I am expected to hand up 2 assignments due for my general education courses (i.e. study this totally unrelated course so we can make more money -Love, UNSW) which I have completed. Ask me when I started on my core module subject's Lab report worth 10% of the grade and the answer would be the day before after dinner for 2 hours... and 2 hours before submission. I think I spend more time eating in a day than doing my Lab report (Yes mom... the GST Tax returns were frickin last minute too, almost killed a Melayu family driving down to Income House to submit it).

Ok, my thoughts are kinda boring cause only people who are close to me would know what I am talking about. I suggest you blog lurkers go straight to HOT POT: HOTTER THAN LINDSEY LOHAN WITH A LAMB CHOP as opposed to reading my crap.

I think I have changed fundamentally over the past 1/2 of the year, but it is just a shift in the right places to alter the original structure. By looking at it, you would never have noticed the change, only the result. Kinda like the rabbit in the hat where the rabbit was in the hat the whole freakin time but it needed someone to grab it and show it to everyone. The bigger question now is... are there any more rabbits in that hat?
Also, as the Roti club can attest to, I am generally very accepting of well... everything... Its a good thing from my point of view cause I dont wanna be the dude who suggests we goto orchard all the time cause I like to park there instead of some place in the urbs where they still *gasp* use parking coupons. Point being, my friends make me buy parking coupons. But I have found out something that cuts a little deeper than that, to accept what you cannot change no matter how much you want it to. My friends would generally acquiesce to my requests to goto orchard and even if they make me park at some Kampong Clementi carpark, I could always steal parking coupons from the chicken. But what if one day, they dont? Think of it in a greater magnitude and it becomes scary, parking coupons are just a pain.
I dont think I have become any more independent, smarter, mature or even insightful. I feel that these more relevant things have escaped me and frankly, I dont think I am ready to become the wise old uncle drinking coffee at S-11 telling the cleaning auntie to clean up the Bandung on the floor or else... I like being open to anything (except gay porn... I think I could never accept gay porn, apologies to da Gay Indian, "your legs are perfect, stop fluttering them around") and totally not set in my ways. I have likes and dislikes but I think I have not said no way for ever and ever to anything yet.
I have done things this year I need to analyze so bad (wait for it you greedy chicken, we will discuss this on the beach with some good alcohol) cause I cant make heads or tails of it and even after deciding to accept it, I guess I just need to embrace the concept rather than just accepting the fact.

Ok, shit I think is deep but is actually not is over... time for HOT POT: HOTTER THAN LINDSEY LOHAN WITH A LAMB CHOP!!!

So anyways, the temperture plummeted today to 9 freakin degrees and reminded me of the time I used to haul frozen burger king patties in a freezer called WLNA (warehouse logistics network asia). Basically, it reminded me of how much I needed to get something to counter the weather which previously used to be prata and curry. Luckily, the dudes at warrane were game for some hot hot hot hot pot!!! We bought the relevant stuff (a fuckload of lamb, a smaller fuckload of pork and korean chilli) and dumped it all in the pot. I dont recall exactly what happened in the middle cause I think I must have blacked out from all that eating but I recall that the college common room smelled like a cross between a slaughter house and a chilli padi farm when we finally hauled that last kilogram of quivering steaming BURNING lamb carcass outta that pot. If the fires of hell were as hot as that pot of hot pot, I think I might just convert right now to whatever religion is hip these days.

Note to self: I think I need to reduce my blog entries to a maximum of 2 points cause I sorta lose steam at the end and am reduced to saying: hot pot so hot its hotter than hot. hot hot hot, your girlfriend also not that hot!

See you soon Mr Man

2005-06-01T05:32:00.000-07:00

Mr Man is leaving for Sweden in 3 days time.

See you soon Mr Man, we will remember how you fed us(10 ppl) food for 30 people on your going away party. No matter what your mom said, our stomaches only had finite room for expansion. The Orr-Nee(complete with sweetcorn and all) finished us off.

See you soon Mr Man, we are not bitter that you(and your tiny cousin 1/3 your size) trashed us at foosball. We are not bitter that you have a foosball table in your aunt's house. We are not bitter. We are not.

See you soon Mr Man, we will remember how you like to tie balloons all around your backpack when you walk around so as to lighten the load which your oversized testicles put on you. I wonder of the balloons survived the car ride back home. Maybe you shouldn't have stuffed them so quickly into the boot.

See you soon Mr Man, we will remember singing KTV with you at Clementi. I'm pretty sure the K-Box staff realized the importance of soundproofing all their rooms thoroughly after we decided that screaming into the Microphone at maximum volume is at best "audible".

See you soon Mr Man, I will not tell anyone that we sang TaTa Young's
Sexy Naughty Bitchy

and Effiel 65's
Blue DaBa Dee

See you soon Mr Man, we will miss all those times getting drunk on cheap Duty Free vodka and other water substitutes that make the simplest of tasks seem like a rollercoaster ride(Thank you Mother Russia).

See you soon Mr Man, please get a Digital Camera to take pictures over there. Words are never enough when describing the different varieties of Alcohol, Meatballs, Swedish Babes and Ikea furniture avalable over there(strangely, they are all avalable at Ikea).

See you soon Mr Man.
Heres a piece of Singapore to bring over to Sweden.

Bittersweet Singapore N me glasses

2005-05-30T06:31:00.000-07:00

For all those who have not been up to date with my life, I am returning to Singapore on the 7th July. My glasses also has given up on life and has officially expired after 7 years of use. I have decided to pen a poem in fond rememberance of the wild times and the not so wild times.

Oh Pentax model 10245, oh pentax model 10245,
This day on the 30th of May, I watch you die.
Ripping you off my face in gym,
you shuddered and broke your limb,
I forget sometimes that after hammer curls,
I tend to have more strength than a little girl.

I first set eyes on you before my GCE Os,
future so promising and spirit so bold.
I touched you once and I think you knew then,
Your life will never be boringly bland.
Brought you to school on the day after,
my face you protected after I ran into a pillar.
You were scratched and bruised but nary did you falter,
For you knew our love can only get stronger.

I think you had reservations at the first time to the gym,
When I dropped you on the floor and stepped on you again.
Deformed in ways to boggle the mind,
Arthiritis would have been much more kind.

And then came Emperor Lee and his Singaporean Army,
He came to get both you and me.
We went into the sea, jungle and mud,
you grew battered whenever I bled blood.
We survived that painful 2 years,
in the service and in abject fear.

You were with me when I was driving,
up the highways and into that car.
If you were alive I would have heard you sighing,
about life and your leg which I stretched so far.
You survived the flight to Australia,
all the momentous events you helped me see so clear.
And then I killed you finally today,
but know that in my heart you will always stay.

Ok, so its not Blake, I dont care. Its good enough for one lousy pair of glasses. I would post pictures but frankly, these contacts are burning me out.
I will be back in singapore on the 7th of July. Just a note to Cousin cow, if you need stuff/courier service, just holler... and I heard about the str*p (this word has been censored for the minors reading this site) poker session... hee hee hee. Dont worry, I have very delicate sensibilities which would have been mortally disturbed (i.e. murdered) if I had participated. And you know I mean that in reference to the other potentially naked players. Thanx for that very insinuating throat clearing session at that bus stop the other day though... I will sooo get Kev to milk you. But I digress... alot.

I love Singapore, it sucks in many ways, but at least its more logical to understand than most other cities. I plan to firstly, get BBQed to a crispy black so that I look like a muslim Jihad extremist with love on his mind (love being the 40 virgins he gats in muslim heaven when he combusts with his bombs). I also plan to drive from the East to the West at least 3 times on my second day, all I need is the liquified remains of a small dinosaur and one Joshua Choo KY (who is not chicken) whom I normally use to tell me If I am gonna hit something major. I plan to download all the anime, TV episodes and not porn on my kickass 6.5 MBPS connection to save up for my next stint in Kampong Anzac Pde. I plan to meet up with Meiji (you know who you are) and monopolize her pool (which is free... mwahahahaha) and her Meiji snacks. The thing about Meiji is it comes with my lecturer and his wife and 4 hours of Mahjong which although fun to begin with is not so after you have lost all your chips and start trading your (her) Meiji snacks with my fatass lecturer (who still maintains he is not fat).
I think I had alot more to say but its 0130 in the freakin morning and I can almost start to believe hell froze over from here (i.e. ass getting cold).

We are not drunnk

2005-05-28T13:29:00.000-07:00

h wasdfsdf ooga ooga argh argh VOMIT VOMIT BLEAAHHHHHHe let mr man survive this nigght and he will never AGAIN!!!!! wei ni wei ni wei ni wei ni wei ni we79i456 6456n456i45we645n48wei453wejbw0ywww im a slaaaaaaa or you...jianhao loves huini for eternity...ryan loves pooh0.5656+556+5566556655665566f455665566f45566

More Super Arang Man

2005-05-25T07:28:00.000-07:00

I just realise that due to the number of times(about 4 so far) we actually mentioned the words "Super Arang Man" together on this blog, we should be one of the top hits everytime someone searches for "Super Arang Man" on the net.(not that anybody would actually ever do that).

Anyway, straight from Malaysia, I bring you the latest(well, yesterday's) instalment of Super Arang Man(thats 6 times now!).

Super Arang Man(he calls himself "Captain Megapolis", for fear of being laughed at by his fellow superheroes when he calls himself Super Arang Man) wakes up to discover that his sex change operation wasn't a total success. Dazed by the fact that most of his body parts were made out of old Korean washing machines(same raw materials used to make Kia and Hyundai cars), he suddenly feels the need to look at naughty pictures of naked machines on the internet. Thats when he accidentally hacks his way into the Military's Server(it happens often in most comics and shows) and finds out what happened to his family of Arangs.

To join the Super Arang Man Yahoo Group, click here

fear & loathing in malaysia

2005-05-23T07:34:00.000-07:00

Herewith lies the chronicles of our adventures in malaysia.

Day 01
We set off for johor. After we cross the border and buy our train tickets and eat our breakfast and go back to the train station, we come across REAL LIFE JAP PORN!!!

The jap porn star and her film crew board a train, so naturally we follow them.

Having nothing to do and with no REAL LIFE JAP PORN!!! to occupy us, mr man proceeds to listen to Twins over and over again. And again. (note: he does this every time we are on a bus/train.) Once we are bored of doing nothing, we proceed to enjoy some railway cuisine before heading back to our carriage to do nothing (and listen to twins).
After a mind numbing amount of time, we arrive at KL Sentral (spelt with a 's').

We find a hotel (Imperial hotel in bukit bintang. good stuff) and walk around till we get bored again. Bored enough that we decide to watch the most exciting, action packed, spectacular, action filled, incredible action film evah, xXx2, featuring ice cube and xzibit and west coast customs and cars that can travel on the railway. Kinda like that one incident in singapore where a car ended up on the mrt track, only better. Then we go back to the hotel to eat ramly burger and watch wrestling cause thats the only thing worth watching on malaysian tv. Mmmm... ramly burger...

Day 02
We checkout in the morning to go to genting. At the counter, we ask how to get to the bus station whereby they happily tell us to take a taxi. (Which turns out to be their response to any query.) We take directions from a random stranger instead. Thank you random stranger. So we take a bus and mr man listens to Twins, then we take a cable car which brings us past the famed monkey artifacts of genting.

When we reach the top, we proceed to try and get a room in the hotel with more colours than my camera can produce.

Alas, the hotel is swamped with fucking insurance fucking salesman attending a fucking insurance fucking conference of some sort, causing the psychedelic hotel to try and charge us rm160 for a 'deluxe room'. Being the whiny bitch that i am, i force us to walk around looking for a cheaper room till we end up back in the same place where we come across some nice room touts who sell us a not so deluxe room for a hundred bucks. Thank you room touts. Best thing about the room is the view, which is the window of another room filled with horny college girls.
So we walk around abit, before going to the casino. The casino at our hotel don't let us in because chicken looks like an underage girl, so we go to another one, i think its called casino de genting, where we lose all our chips even though we play el cheapo style (5rm at a time at the 5rm table). Then we're back to having nothing to do again cause genting is a stupid trouristy place with absolutely nothing to do except get your monies sucked out of you.
At midnightish we waste 12rm watching star wars 3. I liked xXx2 better. Back at the hotel room, mr man takes it as a personel challenge when we inform him that a lightsaber (AKA cylum stick) cannot be broken by bending. He taught us that we are stupid and ignorant in the ways of the jedi.

Day 03
In the morning, we're off to ipoh cause we can't stand being in genting any longer. We get there by going back down to KL before taking a bus to ipoh. Like a cheapskate version of the amazing race. If anybody was wondering, yes mr man did listen to Twins on the bus to ipoh as well.

We get to ipoh and find out that we are lost in a big carpark. Some other stranger tells us to try hill city hotel so we walk there cause thats the manly thing to do. Hill city turns out to be the most expensive hotel we stayed in during this trip. Stupid stranger. We go walk around in ipoh and try to find ipoh hor fun. We end up eating non-ipoh hor fun. Then we pig out on secret recipe cakes which those two wusses cannot even finish.

Day 04
Back to KL, back to imperial hotel. We walk around KLCC and times square which contains mr mans favorite shop.

While looking for a place to eat dinner, some faux saudi arabians try to con us. We outsmart them by having no monies for them to con. Eat that lousy conmen!
Later that night, we decide to go to chinatown. Our helpful hotel receptionist tells us to take a taxi. Having no stranger around to give us proper directions, we take a taxi. The taxi driver informs us that there is no train station near chinatown in between complaining that he should have charged us by the meter cause we were stuck in a jam, and asking us to look at chio bu's. We get to chinatown and realise its a 5 minute walk from a train station. For our readers who have never been to chinatown in KL before, it basically goes like this: fake shoe shop, fake watch shop, fake sock shop, fake clothes shop, shop selling binoculars, lighters and other random stuff, ah beng selling pirated dvds. repeat 10 times.

Day 05
Early in the morning and its a train ride back to singapore. Same like the train from singapore to KL, but backwords. For lunch we have some more railway cuisine. Chicken stupidly tries the nasi goreng.

It turns out that nasi goreng ala railway is a big hit with jap guys carrying ridiculously large cameras.

That concludes our journey to malaysia. Before i go, i would like to leave you with a strip from the best comic series in malaysian news papers, super arang man.

Admittedly, this sample doesnt do super arang man justice. The first time we saw super arang man, it was way more senseless than this, but this is the only one i managed to smuggle back. The rest were taken by malaysian ninjas who ambushed us while we were crossing the border.

The rest of the pictures i took in malaysia can be found here

Mucho Grande Prize

2005-05-23T07:12:00.000-07:00

Wow, that response was quick to my previous post ! Well, congratulations Mr/Ms Anonymous, heres your prize.

You get an award from dafansu.blogspot.com, which you can put on your uber cool website, or print it out on a t-shirt and wear it. If I were you, I would get a tattoo artist to imprint on my forehead forever. For all those fools that couldn't get it right, you do not have the authority to copy and paste the following picture, as only Mr/Ms Anonymous has the right to do so.

Chinese exposure

2005-05-22T22:21:00.000-07:00

When I was lost in the jungles of Malaysia, I was warned by the NUS adminstrator that a Lian He Zao Bao (Chinese Newspaper) reporter would call me up to talk to me. Well, being a potato, I was afraid that after she ( I dream that its some hot reporter named Miss Kitty who is willing to do anything to get the hottest story) heard my l33t chinese talk, NUS might be slammed and then I could not go overseas anymore. I would have to stay in Singapore with the heat and the sianz and the boring and the wimpy meat balls and the expensive absolut.

Luckily , I think the reporter could not reach me, thus she used one of my english quotes and translated it. Its in the 18 May 2005 LHZB paper.

Here my introduction be.

Here, my quote is.

However, given the demographics of the blog reader, I suspect only one person might be able to read the following, which would be me.

Thus, let me translate.

Something something something something , Jason Quek, something something , Formpipe AB, something something, 21 years old, something, Computer Science, something something.

And thats only my intro. I call upon blog readers to translate my quote, if anyone gets it right, I give mucho grande prize !

Malaysia In A Nutshell

2005-05-22T10:36:00.000-07:00

Here are some fun facts about Malaysia that we learnt on our trip up North.

Trainrides are long, and often fun(If you enjoy sleeping on chairs that go bump-bump-bump every few seconds). During the ride, light refreshments are provided(when I say "provided", I mean you have to buy them yourself). Gourmet train food includes Maggi Hot Bowl(Made in Malaysia) and Rail Friend Rice(Made by a Malaysian).

There are many cheap *hotels* avalable in the heart of KL(the place with the most shopping), cheap and dirty enough to put Singapore's Hotel 81 to shame. Backpackers dont need fancy Hotels with mini-bars that tempt you with drinks priced at a level only Bill Gates could afford(and thats of he was really thirsty and high enough on drugs to even want to touch the mini-bar). Our Homeless-Shelter-Themed rooms suited us just fine.

The LRT people in KL like to make these huge extravagant LRT stations, decorated with fancy metallic structures and Plasma Displays that play the same music video over and over again(our station played Joss Stone). Then, to finish it off, they put a train barely big enough to fill up 1/3 of the station when it docks. To add to the fun, they put no sort of sign to tell the people standing outside to let the people on the inside come out first. The result is a mass free-for-all orgy of office workers and clueless backpackers everytime the door opens.

The man with the Green Vertical Striped shirt has been there for quite some time now. He dares not enter the unknown that is the KL LRT Train, for fear of losing his virginity(he's been saving it for that special someone)

Night life in KL city is very much alive. There are a number of night markets all around which are home to Malaysia's greatest product... The pinnacle of Malaysian achievement(no, its not the Proton Saga)...

The RamlY Burger.
With more mayo and special sauce(known to cause hallucinations when taken excessively) than there is meat, its jam packed with enough cholesterol to kill a cow(or various other farm animals). Thats what makes it good.

Genting, is like a big castle in the clouds. Sitting the cable car up gives you the feeling, as if you're in a whole new world.

Then once you enter Genting itself, what you get is Nike, Issue and various other Butiks(thats Boutique spelled with a "K"). Its so gay(sucky)

Even the hotels in Genting are gay. At normal glance, its just an ordinary bed with 2 guys sleeping by the side. They sleep far apart cos they are not gay.

But once you turn off the lights, you get to see whats left behind by the previous occupant(who most prob ate one too many RamlY burgers and just so happened to jack off on the bed after watching Wrestling on TV, men in tights are such a turn-on).

Ipoh(as far as it sounds) really has nothing much to offer. It is a shanty town with a few large shopping centres here and there. When travelling around, we often got lost in the vast array of nothingness and empty buildings that is Ipoh.

There is only one reason why outsiders brave long busrides to get to Ipoh. To eat Ipoh Hor Funn.(Which is what we did)

My friend just told me that Ipoh Hor Funn is actually quite watery, and white.. And looks something like this..

Meaning we travelled all the way to Ipoh and ate the wrong Hor Funn...

Thus concludes "Malaysia In A Nutshell"
I shall leave you with the man who brought joy to our stay in Malaysia, Mr RamlY Bin Burger himself.

Cordon Bleau chicken anyone?

2005-05-22T03:11:00.000-07:00

Before I begin this blog, please do note my watery chicken that I am about to flame your ass. I will grill it and BBQ it and ensure an even fry. Back in the windy byroads of yesteryear, I recall us animals and one man hanging out and very distinctly hearing chicken go," Dont worry goat, if my mom says I can goto australia, that means I am going to australia." I have deduced that either you heard your mom wrongly or you decided to ditch my ass. Thats right, It could never be Mrs Chicken's fault cause she is nice and feeds me and tells me what a nice goat I am. I remember another occasion where the monkey, me, you and the gay indian decided to goto Australia to go blow off some steam. I recalled you ditched us too that time and we ended up with one player short of a real Big 2/Bridge/Mahjong game. We had to suffer 7 days of 3 player big two and too much shuffling cause the gay indian didnt want to ruin his nails. This thus reverts me to comparative theories where I compare you to one Andy Liu Xiao Hui who ditched me bro's ass BUT still went with him to Australia on the second time he agreed to. When you are less dependable than Dao Hui, you are basically less dependable than a combat medic who tells you he will get the vein on his first try . He actually does get the vein... but after 15 minutes of poking that big ass needle in and out.
Instead, you go galavanting off to a backwater village in Malaysia and try to mark your destination red with a white marker (check your map). I swear that when I get back to Singapore, your white ass will be greeted by a deep imprint of my Vince Carters and I will make you my driving bitch till I leave or until you sate me with Kushin Bo. I attribute my change in mood with my brother's relative change in his. I think being told he is a little girl's privates in hokkien left and right has changed him for the better. Also, he seems more inclined to talk and has turned into some sensitive soft toy which I think I might be able to manipulate to my advantage (i.e. tell him I wont drive him around because I dont want to). I think a few more months of the marination he is going through will turn him into something I can bash around... All I get is abject bullshit, innuendo and insinuations in this bloody Kampong of a city (QNS: why don't they exploit foreign labour? Ans: so they can use the stupid part of their population) and frankly my good humour is wearing slightly thin. I think I really could benefit from some good old fashioned fisticuffs (i.e. violence) to ease some pressure off me.
Mark my words you crummy excuse for a farm animal, I will introduce you to a world of hurt when I arrive.

Train Trip to Hell

2005-05-16T10:07:00.000-07:00

The Chicken, Monkey and Man are going on a Train Trip up north from Starting Point Designated Tiny-Red-Dot-On-Map. Our Journey is as follows.

Rules
1) Only Travel By Land
2) We carry stupid big backpacks on our backs
3) We carry more than we need, cos we have stupid big backpacks
4) Keep going North until we cannot anymore(Or we chicken out)
5) Carry very little cash

God be with us.

Expected return date : 22nd May

To Goat : Wish you were here

Heart Wrenching Goodness

2005-05-14T09:48:00.000-07:00

Today has been a rather spastic day at best which I shall show is due to cause and effect.
First off is my temperament which ever since I was a fledgling, has been so bad that I once stabbed some dude with me scissors and had to go for counselling for months. It wouldn't have been so bad if not for the fact I was in primary 4. The scumsucker's name is Robin Teo and yea, if I see him again, I would stab him with much bigger implements than scissors... maybe I could stab him with my Honda Civic. I believe I am so bad a driver I could manage that anyways. Its all in the wrist, and a lack of hand eye co-ordination.
I took up gym halfheartedly (it was sooooo painful to begin, I was doing 5 push ups a day just to lift a 1.25 kg weight in gym) and finally managed to get to the point where I could work out my frustrations in the gym. So... CAUSE: Work out frustrations/anger issues in gym. EFFECT: Larger muscles AND less anger.
Today, I flung my handphone 5m on the sidewalk while trying to flip it open pretending it was a lightsabre cause its sooooo frickin cold here (lightsabres produce heat) and STAR WARS EPISODE III is coming out. Therefore, CAUSE: muscles too large (not as large as Mr Man's though) EFFECT: Busted handphone.
I seem to have developed an affinity to the wanton destruction/misplacement of electronic equipment here in sydney. I have right now, NOTHING that works electronically. I tell myself that if an EMP hits us, I will be safe cause I am on the same technological level as the Jalan Kayu prata shop. On a side note, would the chicken be ready on the 11th of July to go eat prata? I hate that stretch of road cause its so narrow and seems more dirt than tar and since its at night, im afraid of running over some indians. Anyway, thats my long-winded way of saying I broke my handphone.

Heart wrenching goodness as I found out today at Jalean's place is Baileys irish cream with cuppuccino flavoured milk. I never fancied myself much of a drinker but its really a must have. The concoction is a tad flavourful for a mix BUT it more than makes up for it on the kickback. START MIXING!!!
We can have a baileys party when I get back, Mr Man has not blessed my toilet yet anyways... Its even better than my dad's alcoholic ribena (i.e. red wine with sprite) which I actually drank to death for a period of time. BTW guys, just as a side note, my mom is reading the blog now courtesy of bulky bert. Don't ask me what he is thinking since I think he bumped his head a few times when wrestling with Elvin and turned into Mr "Sabo the bro" Bert. I could've sworn he was the sweetest thing till secondary school... anyway, if elvin didnt break him, I wanna know who.

OK, random stuff is over... I will update as often as I can but I should be studying instead of wandering the computer labs at night.

i a|\/| t3H üb3r @Dm1|\|!!!

2005-05-13T10:50:00.000-07:00

My new (self appointed) job title is now "GUARDS trained ippt GOLD MARKSMAN admin spec". If there was a war involving only admin personnel i would kick all those scrawny clerk butts to high heaven. The reason i brought this up is because i just had a live firing yesterday. On a totally unrelated note, i am now semi deaf. That ought to be enough to teach me that i'm not too manly for earplugs. And if anyone was wondering what its like to have a live firing right before your ORD, it involves NOT proning (yes, there is no such word) so you won't get dirty and walking in place of running. So now SAF owes me 200 bucks which im not going to get cause someone is going to end up losing the score sheet like they always do.

In other news, Mr Man is now the record holder for the "Find the most ridiculously-boring/ridiculously-time-wasting/ridiculously-ridiculous lecture/speech" competition with his winning entry of "Adam Khool: How to be an entrepreneur by becoming a Prudential peon". I plan to challenge him with a talk about windows and SOC .

I must admit, the Adam Khool talk did teach me alot of things.
Lesson 1: Do not agree to go for stuff Mr Man suggests if the reception is bad and you cant hear what hes saying.
Lesson 2: Do not park at Keppel Towers lest you wish to pay $10 parking fees.
Lesson 3: If you do find yourself facing a $10 parking fee, do not step on the accelerator and hit the barrier in front like a certain someone(i'm not saying that its chicken)

Drugs makes everything better

2005-05-09T05:18:00.000-07:00

I'm sick. And it sucks. I have to stay at home and do nothing for the whole day(not like I have anything to do anyway). Then, I realized something.. If not for DRUGS, I'd be in a whole different world of pain(Much like riding in Mr Man's Big Yellow Schoolbus Of Pain, but with homosexuals all around you). This blog is dedicated to the prescription drugs responsible for keeping me up and going(sitting in my ikea reclining chair instead of stoning in bed).

First down the list(in no order whatsoever)
To be taken 3-4 times daily

Theres everybody's friend, Paracetamol! We bought these in Australia a few years ago cos my dad had a slight headache. Theres 100 tablets in that damn box(aussies had very bad headaches), good for more than 12 days of head-splitting fun(assuming you have a death wish of 8 tablets a day).

Next,
To be taken 3 times daily

Theres my flu medicine, I dont know the name of it, but its the only medicine that comes in its own fancy attractive grey and white capsule(its a hit with the kids). I've been taking this since young and have since grown immune to its effects(well, my flu virus has grown immune to its effects). Following my doctor's advice(Doctor : Nevermind, just take, just take..), I continue to pop them every night. At least they help me sleep better.

To be taken 3 times daily(I only take it before I sleep thou)

Then, theres my cough mixture. Like the flu capsules, I have been taking this since young, thus making it ineffective. It's taste however, does vaguely resemble the taste of stale steamed fish(which explains why I dream of eating camp food sometimes when I sleep).

To be taken once daily

Next, are these Zinc(or some other random mineral and vitamin combination) tablets.. They are more of a preventive, rather than a cure. Just like installing an anti-virus program AFTER your computer has been infected, I choose to eat it after I get sick(better late than never).

To be taken once daily

Theres also Fluimucil, which supposed to cure throat infections(I think I have one). The interesting thing about Fluimucil, is that its also a cure for Paracetamol overdose, thus negating the effects of the Panadol I'm taking(I'll just have to eat more panadol then, so troublesome).

Moving on to my other prescription medicines,
To be taken once daily

Oratane, 20mg. I've been taking this for a few days now. It doesn't help with my sickness(I think it's the cause), but it supposed to get rid of most of my facial acne(as well as make my lips very dry and also kill my liver). On the box, it says "Precaution : Do not use if pregnant, Do not become pregnant during use or within 1 month of stopping treatment. Important : Adhere strictly to precautions." There are also other warnings not to drink too much alcohol and not to go under the sun during treatment. My guess is it does something very bad to your insides.

To be applied externally as many times as you like daily(depending on your level of vanity)

Random creams for my face.(Ignore the various hair products in the background, I AM NOT VAIN, I DONT NEED TO DO MY HAIR UP)

I know that the various stuff I'm taking are very effective, because 3 of them even have the Singapore Medical Union's(There is no such place, but if you form an acronym with the words, it spells SMU.. cool huh? ok, nevermind..) seal of approval.

And like all famous musicians who have wrote songs under the influence of drugs sometime in their lives, the next self written song is dedicated to the drugs that made me the man I am today. Without them, I would not know what I would be like now(probably less sickly).

I like drugs
I don't like bugs
I like drugs
I dont like mugs
I like drugs
I dont like rugs
I like drugs
I dont like thugs
I like drugs
I dont like slugs
I like drugs cos they is good
I like drugs (x3)

DISCLAIMER
EVERYTHING IN THIS BLOG ENTRY IS FICTOINAL. THE WRITER DOES NOT REALLY MEAN ANYTHING IN THIS POST. THE WRITER REALLY LOVES HIS COUNTRY AND ALL WHO RESIDES IN HIS WONDERFUL COUNTRY.

Road to SOC

2005-05-06T10:55:00.000-07:00

First I have to school people, because thats what I do. I school people, bring them to school in my big bad yellow school bus of pain. I present to the blog, my physics textbook !

Note that it is restricted for sale in the United States as it will BLOW THEIR PUNY MINDS INTO A MILLION SHARDS OF PAIN. And when they say fundamental, it tries to make you feel better, but you soon realise fundamental means every fucking physics crap that is in this world.

Note that it is an EXTENDED version. That means more physics ! And about how many wood chucks chuck wood ? Chuck this.

Those are my physics equations I had to memorise 15 hrs before the final exam, because it was fucking CLOSED book.

Back to the topic at hand, the road to SOC.

I have walked the path to SOC. I realise that SOC is actually Star Wars in disguise. When I first joined SOC, I was happy and full of life like Anakin Skywalker. I raced pods (Nissan Sunny), met up with Jar Jar Binks (Goat), and was staying on a planet with aliens (Caucasians). Then I started learning the force (L33t Programming Skills). I could persuade droids ( Java Programs ) to do stuff, and wield a lightsaber ( Optical Mouse ). But then I got curious in the dark side ( Any SOC module above level 1000 ). The more I learnt , the more I got sucked into it. My eyebags started to look like the Emperor, and I had to replace my hand due to carpal tunnel syndrome (like Luke Skywalker). Then I met the Emperor (The Great Chinaman). He asked me to be his right hand man to rule over the world. I joined the dark side (Streamed from 3 year course to 4 year Computer Science course). Soon I began to kill all the rest of the good Jedi (I quit my ecas and started to ignore friends from other faculties). I also led my army of Droids to battle the clones. Now my last plans are almost in completion, to lure my peons (Monkey and Chicken) to the dark side. Join me, to learn the dark side of the force.

Damn, the shit i'm smoking is strong.

Lets get it on!

2005-05-06T01:18:00.000-07:00

I have no idea what the fuck im getting myself into by going to SOC...

All this and more found here

BRING IT ON!!

i'm baaaaaack...

2005-05-04T09:27:00.000-07:00

I'm finally just got back from taiwan. And by just i actually mean a few days ago but i was too busy sleeping/getting drunk then sleeping. For all those who might happen to go to Heng Chun Camp, theres a place in the village across the road called Fu Ling Han Bao (hereby referred to as 'THE hamburger place for starving army guys'). Its a lifesaver. The only thing better than THE hamburger place for starving army guys (hereby referred to as 'greatest hamburger joint found in a tiny village near camp') are ninja vans. Though thats only cause greatest hamburger joint found in a tiny village near camp (hereby referred to as 'Fu Ling Han Bao')doesnt magically appear on the knoll you're habouring on. I tell you, somebody could make a fortune with a ninja van in Lim Chu Kang or Tekong. All you need is a van, a cooler, a deep fryer, and NOS for when being chased by pesky health officials.

So, since i'm starting to clear leave now, i figure i'm gonna do my ORD shoutouts:
To my CQ, storeman, armskoteman, medic, have fun cleaning the bunk when i'm gone, and think bout me when u finally ORD suckahs.
To my understudy, don't fucking call me, i dont know anything.
To all the men left in the company, have fun rotting for a few months.
To CGO and his cronies who made us walk up that stupid mountain, go fuck yourself.

Photo time!
I would post lousy photos i took in taiwan with my handphone, but one of my computers hard disk crapped out on me (anyone willing to donate one to me?) so i can't actually transfer the pics without having to waste time setting it up again, so we'll move on to exhibit B.
I call it 'Photos Taken With A $10 Camera From Sungei Road Series 1"

Suckahs who are NOT going to ORD anytime soon.

Mr Man! He so manly!

Candy floss, made from the best stuff on earth.

Puny buffet is no match for my eating prowress!

Stupid idiots don't even know how to stand in the middle of the picture...

Closest thing to porn you'll ever see on this blog.

Demonstrating the technical abilities of my camera, we can see how the 3 colours come together to form an exquisite piece of art, representing the struggle for racial harmony. Lets see you try and do that with some new fangled digital camera device.

The Physics test & the people who made it possible.

2005-05-04T03:06:00.000-07:00

First of all, for all those who don't know what physics is, its basically the world as we know it explained in numbers invented by people who lacked the necessary communication skills to say: "the car is going fast" as opposed to "the car is travelling at 45ms^-1 or 45Sin30 in the y-axis, 45Cos30 in the x-axis assuming the car is moving at an angle of 30 to the horizontal." Just as a side note, I hate you and your crummy number language as much as I hate ISO audits.
I had to slave for physics and as a consequence, was made to study the day before the test (last minute is da best!!!). So after dinner, I ran up to da Physics Sifu's room to get some last minute explanations on Bernoulli's equation, as luck had it, Sifu was sleeping (or masturbating, you could never tell with the funky noises coming from his room).

His wise face belied his irritation at having to advise me on something he thought he heard in a lecture theatre 200 years ago in Laos. He then set about giving me several problems to start me off. 2 hours, 2 coffees, 1 tea and 3 panadol extras later...

Yes I know panadol extra is for headaches but sometimes when u need caffeine and the kettle is too far away, its easier to pop da pill and pretend you are a badass motherfucker on Amphetamines.
So after 2 hours, I was still doing my questions when the cry for Warcraft echoed through the halls of the college and reverberated in every nook and cranny...

I was doing physics off my computer so it was a simple matter to change it to the LAN server, anyhoo, the people playing (destroying my life) that night are...

He calls himself Cold blood probably because he feels cold all the time although I still maintain that its just chilly at best.

He is the Dz, unlike most of the other individuals, he is perpetually smiling when warcraft is on.... kinda like when you are on weed.

And this is Ru, he likes to spam the initial chat screen about his current squeeze and moan about how dreadful love is... I dont think he has read my initial entries to this blog yet.

This is XP, probably the most enthusiastic (i.e. rabid) of the warcraft gang, he is the only one who does it in style in his cartoon PJs.

AI (aparantly the initials of a basketball player) does not do the PJs quite in style, I think he is going for the pre-school look. He also had the physics test but unlike me was born with more than 12 brain cells.

Turosk and Vash are also part of me Optom batch, currently Vash (the dude without glasses) has a busted computer so he sneaks around and finds a Regular warcraft dude who is not playing (i.e. cramming for a test) and uses his computer. Today however, I dont really care about me test so too bad for his ass.

He calls himself the big dawg but I suspect its only because he is literally big. Otherwise, he is one of the few free frags in our warcraft games.

And this is Goo, one of the few medical students who believe that medical students are not the bitches of the lecturers. He is also the guinea pig for the current year one medical student warcraft players because they want to know if its possible to play warcraft AND pass their exams. And finally...

Nah this is just a random Ang Moh who wandered into Sifu's room.

Yup!!! Its Sifu himself pretending to wash his face instead of playing warcraft... anyway, why do u think I could break off to play Warcraft?

Thus, after 2 hours of blissful computer gaming...

It was kinda hard going cause my mind was still on the game, the questions were ridiculous (how much wood could a wood chuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood? Answer in radians) and of course I was sleepy. I decided to mobilize my bitches,

Yup! Its Sifu and some guy who does not play warcraft!!! Anyhoo, they cannoned through the questions like a BMT sergeant on off and slayed that spastic wood chuck.

Thus far, im still awaiting the results of the Physics test which I hope would not be reflective of my ability to perform but rather on the quantity of praying I did and caffeine I consumed. One should always hold out for the best anyway.

Damage to my internal organs

2005-05-03T07:38:00.000-07:00

Why do we always go for those cheap all-you-can-eat-until-your-heart-gives-way buffets which I know will only do damage to my internals in some irreversable way beacuse they serve nothing but junk made out of the processed innards of various farm animals and why didn't my primary school teach me proper punctuation in order to make my sentences more legible?

Time and time again, we would eat cheap all-you-can-eat buffets.
We would sit there after every buffet defeated, wondering why on earth we did it again.
We would swear never to do that ever again.
Yet, we still go back for more.

Take Kushin-Bo for example(The famous Japanese All-You-Can-Eat-Buffet-At-A-Price-That-Would-Give-Your-Father-A-Heart-Attack-But-Not-
Enough-To-Die located at Suntec City). Serving an assortment of Unagi Kabayaki, Zuwaikani, Tori Karaage, Agedashi Tofu, Chawanmushi, Wakame Udon, Edamame and various other foodstuff that sound like something you heard on that Japanese Porno Clip you watched a few days back(Dont deny it, I know you did), we were spoilt for choice. But for the whole 2 hours we were there, what did we eat?

Mountains and mountains of fried stuff(which could have been sewer rat meat for all we know.Everything looks the same when covered with crispy batter)
Its not our fault the Fried stuff was so appealing we just had to take it.. Again, and again, and again... Soon our stomaches felt as if it was filled with (Industrial Strength) Corn Oil... Then they had to mention over the radio that they were serving free flow cotton candy at the counter..

We just couldnt resist...

The very next day(As if I didn't already punish myself enough)
I went to some buffet resturant called Suki-something at Cineleisure.. It was like any other buffet.. had a steamboat, with those conveyor belts that drag rotting plates of sushi all around the resturant for small kids to deposit their saliva on. The highlight of the buffet was the Ice Cream. It comes pre-frozen, in all its melted glory. You have to freeze it yourself in some sort of freezing pan..
First you get the cream..

I call this flavour "Paddle-Pop"(It aint Super-Duper-Yummy, but I made it myself out of leftover Mango, Chocolate, Vanilla, Green-Tea and Grape cream)

Next, You pour it onto the Freezing-Do-Hicky(looks like a frying pan connected to a fridge unit)

In seconds(about 10), it freezes into a colourful, hard, pancake-like anomaly.
Using the provided tools, I proceeded to scrape it off(with much effort) the pan.

Not to be taken daily(or any day for that matter)

Doesn't it just make you wanna eat it all up?
I did(unfortunately).
I went jogging today, in hope of redeeming myself. But once the Cotton Candy and Paddle-Pop goes in, it never comes out.

Note to self : Stick to ala-carte dining, I'll live longer that way.

To anybody who went to suki-something and survived : Did I make my ice cream wrong? Or was the ice cream meant to look like that?

You can never get enuff of doing nothing

2005-04-25T04:59:00.000-07:00

I was bored, cos I have nothing to do at home. So I took a short trip to the Bahamas(actually its Pulau Dayang, off the coast of Peninsular Malaysia, but "Bahamas" sounds way way cooler)
Right... Its a tiny island with nothing to offer but good diving sites and nice fishing spots. Basically I didnt have a diving license or fishing rod. So all I could do was lie on my hammock and stare at the beach, wondering why did I pay $200 to do what I could do at home(but with alot more sand in my pants)...

Then I realised, this isnt something you can get in Singapore.. The sand is smooth and fine(enough to find its way into your underwear and stay there for uncomfortably long periods of time). The waters are clean and clear(salty water never tasted so good). The sea breeze never seemed to cease blowing. Life was good(for 1 and a half days).

Right until I tried the local food.
Remember the YanYan snacks we all grew up to love(chocolatey good!)?

They have their own version... I think they called it NiNi(or 2 other meaningless words put together to entice stupid kids)

As you can see, the "Chocolate" portion far from resembles the smooth chocolatey goodness that is YanYan.
Despite looking like commercialized packaged dog shit(however the hell commercialized packaged dog shit is supposed to look like), it was the only source of sugar on the island. After hours of doing nothing, I needed to replenish my energy...sooooo......

After eating most of it(which tasted as bad as it looked), I spent the rest of the day, lying defeated, beside a broken kayak, reminiscing my pre-NiNi times... Those were good times...

Things started to pick up in the night, after a forceful clearence of my bowels. The Hunks(thats me) and the babes(girls who think I'm a hunk) engaged in a game of twister. The boob-to-face fun we had within that short 30 minutes was more action than I would ever get by eating a whole cup of NiNi.

I love doing nothing on sandy beaches, given the chance, I would do it all over again.. But for now, I have to go apply some Aloe Vera gel on my back, cos it burns like the devil("I dont need no sunblock!", Joshua Said... "Sunblock is for lusers!", Joshua said.... Who's laughing now huh?!?)

Wish you were there